Friday, April 29th

Ola!

Me, oh my, we are all on a roll in the right direction this week, aren't we!

Paula - your weekend sounds as busy as mine usually are. I have given up scheduling exercise on the weekends. I now consider getting to the gym or taking a bike ride a bonus for a Saturday or Sunday.

Shel - great job on the presentation! It's funny how our anxiety can kick in over public speaking events. I suppose that's why it used to be a college requirement. I wonder if it still is. I stand in front of 400 kids without concern. Stick me in a room of 20 adults and I get a little stage fright and flummoxed! You'd think with my years of performing it wouldn't bother me at all, but it still does.

Ocean - my habit was over buying clothes that I did not need. I spent thousands on clothes that I didn't need. If you can get a grip on your shopping now, all the better. What you are doing is really very normal though. Be happy it's not booze! I still have a thing for shoes, and I'm not giving that one up. I have wide feet and when I can find a pair of nice shoes that fit and are comfortable I buy them. (btw: sweet spot = Goal range?)

Mary - so glad things are going well in the food department. You are stringing some good days together. I know you can manage the weekend, too!

Linda - So, when you and DH are on the road with the 5^th wheel, will you still be able to check in with us or will you be off the grid? What have you decided about your travelling wardrobe? I haven't the faintest notion why I must know this, but I do. Your style is so much of who you are (in my mind) that I'm curious how you will deal with your fashion being mandated by what's on hand.

So for me today.... 198.4. This is okay.

I had a day of afternoon craving, though I KNEW I wasn't hungry. I kept going for high fat, but really nothing was satisfying. My continued search for a bite of this or that yesterday was rather disordered. For the life of me, I could not figure out what the drive was yesterday. Luckily, I stayed away from carbs, which would only have intensified the feeling and was I able to do over 3 miles at a good clip yesterday to burn off some calories. I woke up today very hungry, too. Packed extra food as a just in case. Right now after 16 oz of water and my coffee, I'm fine. Protein shake soon ought to keep me until lunch, but I have a 7 oz Fage on hand, as my back up.

Help me with this one ladies: Yesterday at the gym I started doing my cardio next to a SMO woman. We were both doing elliptical training. However, it was on a machine I don't fancy - the stride is too clipped. So, as I'm working out I am bothered by a rather musty odd smell. I realized that it was the odor from the SMO woman. It got more intense and when the machine I like became available I switched over. I felt a little bit of guilt, but I was able to justify moving because of the machine - it wasn't just because of the smell. After about 30 minutes the SMO finished on her machine and moved to the one next to me and started up on that one. The smell started and I thought to myself, ugh...I can't take this smell. And then I had some judgmental thoughts about her size contributing to her odor. And there was a part of me that felt mean about it. I hate that I thought those things. Why on God's green Earth would I, who was MO, be thinking those thoughts about a woman who is SMO trying to get healthy? I felt ashamed of myself afterwards and am so grateful that my thoughts were unreadable by the woman. I know it was the smell and not her size that I disdained, but I went straight to the fat and smelly label. Does this ever happen to you?

True confessions, once again. Thanks for letting me purge.

Hi Devon!  Your search for that satisfying bite reminded me of something from Geneen Roth and her Breaking Free from Compulsive Overeating program and books.  She said that we should eat a little of what we're craving, or we will continue doing the search and eat way more in the process, without being satisfied.  While on one level, what she's saying makes perfect sense, I know that my addiction precludes me from eating certain foods, no matter what, or I would end up in a mess - maybe not that day or the next, but at some point.  My addictive thinking, and I believe some level of physical dependence would convince me that I was fine the last time, so I will be this time...and you know where that leads to.  I've grappled with the logic of what she has sid, and my own experiences, and they've never matched.  We had a discussion in directors meeting yesterday about addiction, as someone raised the issue that the thinking in some circles about, say, drinking, is that, once you have dealt with all of the issues that lead you to drink in the first place, then you can drink in moderation.  I said that I believed a physiological dependence occurs, so one still can't drink.  Our Clinical Director, who I admire greatly, explained that, for some folks who abuse substances to deal with issues, for some reason a physiological dependence never occurs, while for others it does, but you don't know which one your are.  For those that do become dependent, even when the issues are dealt with, the physical dependence is still there.  It all made sense to me.  So for some, once they've delved into why they ate, and truly dealt with those reasons, they are able to eat certain foods in moderation.  But for others, of which I count myself one of, no matter how much I know and resolve why I ate, I still get triggered by certain foods, and will be lead back down that path.  Carbs can be difficult for me, but my true  dependence, whether physical or psychological, or, most likely both, is on sugar.  Does that make sense? 

As far as the woman you were next to - every person has his or her own unique odor, as well, irregardless of size.  Her fermemones and sweat may have caused the increasing odor, and even is she was super thin, may have still been the case.  If the person had been thin and smelled as bad, would you have felt as guilty?  I'm not proud of this, but sometimes when I've seen a very large person, I've had a brief judgmental moment, and then felt extremely guilty, realizing I was also there, and could just as quickly be back there.  At that point, my empathy takes over.  Anyway, thanks for your honesty - it's truly appreciated here and by me!

Good morning formerly fluffy friends, it has been while since I've been here, but it isn't because I haven't been reading your posts.  You inspire me everyday to make better choices on my way to my goal weight.  

143.3 this morning, my lowest weight in 36 years!  My hubby and I got back in Monday from Hawaii, and I gained 6 pounds while I was there.  I ate 400 -500 calories over my normal almost every day while there and am lucky that I was able to lose all the extra in the 4 days I've been home.  Vacations should not be a reason to go off the rails, but I tried to justify at the end of each day.  Thank goodness for my restriction, or it would have been much worse. I'm happy to be home and back to my normal routine.

Two days before my hubby and I left for Hawaii I had a bad fall while we were out for a walk.  I tripped on a curb and slammed my forehead into the sidewalk.  I was taken by ambulance to the hospital, and given a CT scan, which came out normal, so no head injury other than 9 stitches over my left eye.  I went to Hawaii with a huge black eye, with my eye swollen shut.   A friend gave me some huge sunglasses, so I was able to hide the eye pretty well.  It took two days for the eye to open far enough to see out of it, but it's much better now.  I still have a large egg shaped hematoma over my eye, but it's getting a little smaller every day.  My whole face looks greenish yellow, and makeup doesn't cover it, so I get a lot of stares from people, especially children.  If I can ever figure out how to post pictures on here, I may show how colorful my face is.

It seems that you are all keeping very busy, especially Paula, who has a great, but hectic weekend ahead. 

Congratulations on your presentation Shel.  It's difficult to put yourself out there, in front of an audience, so you have a lot to be proud of.  

Devon, those puppies make me yearn to smell their puppy breath.  Congrats on Blue being such a good mommy, she is a beautiful girl, who is lucky to have you as her daddy.

Ouch!  Sounds like a nasty fall.  I'm so glad you weren't seriously hurt!

Thank you!  I was able to drain it a little tonight and the swelling went down significantly.  

Greetings skinnies;

130.5 today. I guess a bounce is always to be expected.  Waiting for the contractors to arrive with bid on house siding. I'm sure it won't be cheap. 

Spent all day yesterday on the phone lining up care service appointments for my mom and related things. Wore out my I phone. 

Glad the presentation went well Shel. Good to have that over with.

Well DH was trying to fix the vacuum cleaner yesterday and left it lying in state in the hall way and I got up in the night and fell on it.  No damage but i bet there is a bruise or two on my butt.  Its always something. I told him that machine is toast and we need a new one.  Had I been at my former weight I probably would have crushed it!

I got a jury summons for may. Gotta get out of that one. In our small town people get summoned a lot. DH was a juror on a trial where a guy robbed a bank wearing a black trash bag and no shoes. 

well just got a $24k bid to reside the house.  Needs it. gonna take a lot of little ceramic animals to pay for that one!   

have a great day all.    diane