Thursday, April 21st

125.4 - up! The day before my potentially indulgent weekend and what do I do? Indulge! Counterintuitive to what I should have done! No exercise yesterday either. Gonna do step aerobics right when I am done with this message and then get my hair cut and finish packing. I should leave right after lunch! I'll have my phone so can check the message board but probably won't be posting too much!

Protect your skinnies everyone!

Paula

Exceptional, Evolving Explorers-

     Nope .... We are not ordinary, but are proudly extraordinary.  We do not remain stationary but we are gradually growing/adjusting toward a more complex, sometimes elusive  "new normal".  We do not allow ourselves to be defined by constraining stereotypes, but constantly seek new information and our personal truth.

     As I reflect on the last couple of days of discussion, I am struck by some of the areas I've made growth and some of the areas that I need to focus on.  I know that I have finite energy and I have to use it for things that are within my control.  I know that at this place in my journey, I choose to look at my choices as directions on a continuum... moving toward relapse or moving toward recovery. Protecting my skinny is too new and too much of a priority, to look at it any other way. While I have maximum focus and will power, I'm going to gain all of the ground I can in habituating healthy, sustainable habits. It is also working for me, right now, to log food as fuel or not fuel. 

     I know that this isn't a process that will get progressively easier.  That is what terrifies me. I merely want to build my skill set to enable myself to successfully dodge or obliterate as many of the boulders as I can.

     That being said.... tomorrow is NYC.  I am human, and I will make the best possible choices I can, moving toward recovery and fuel.  I'll learn from choices that are not aligned with this goal, and move forward. I may not be able to post tomorrow, so happy almost TGIF !   We can do this !!!

Diane

Diane O,

I enjoyed your post this morning. You helped me think through an issue that came up for me earlier this week. My shrink referred to relapse during our session on Monday when talking about my sugar binge. I balked at the idea of "relapse" when it came to my eating. When I think of relapse I think of complete reversion to the addiction. I think of my cousin's struggles with alcohol when I think of relapse. He has had periods of recovery and periods of being active in the disease to the point of non-functioning. Getting him sober requires intervention and usually admittance to a treatment program.

I also know that if I ever were to pick up a cigarette again, I would be smoking a pack a day within a week. I know there is no in between ground for me. I could never, ever be a social smoker as some of my friends are. To stop smoking again, I would have to go through the same treatment I did before and, even though it was not as hard as I had feared, I don't ever want to have to do that again. The fear of becoming a smoker again keeps me on the straight and narrow.

When I walk down the sugar path I never feel hopeless or worry that I can't right my path when I choose. Somehow I don't equate this type of eating transgression as a relapse. What I notice is that sometimes my jaunts down the path of indulgence are very short lived because they are planned forays. This last time the excursion was stress induced and therefore went on until I dealt with the stress and the behavior it was inducing.

Another area you helped me examine this morning was the food as fuel concept. The food as fuel concept has been a big one for me, too. I really tried to embrace this philosophy. The truth though, is that I don't embrace it. I never really could and I struggled with that. Why couldn't I come to terms with that concept?

Well, in truth I am a believer that food is more than fuel. From ancient times food has been used for celebration, for solace, and yes, of course, for fuel. We are as a species hard wired to enjoy food. We are hard wired to be drawn to sweet flavors. In nature sweet plants are not poisonous and provide quick energy. A drive for sugar is natural. My over reaction to sugar is not so natural. It goes into hyper drive, but that is a separate issue.

I had to come to a happy middle ground between food as fuel and food as entertainment and recreation. I feel much more grounded and solid in my relationship with food now that I've done this. Food is both for me. It is fuel, but it can also be used for celebration, and comfort. Let's face it: food can be sensual. Who doesn't love an intimate romantic dinner?

I know we are in different places on our journey, but I wanted to share the thinking you evoked in me this morning.

Good morning Paula.  Have fun on your trip.

Scale 162.2

I think after reading through all the posts yesterday, maybe some of us were trying to say the same thing in different ways?  And if we weren't, I think everyone was very thoughtful and understanding in their posts.

I have to be careful that my "sucky metabolism" doesn't just become an excuse.  Instead of it just making this hard, I've decided the word is going to be "challenging."  I like it because I'm up for a good challenge ;)  

Yesterday I started my diet and it went really well.  Granted, it was just day 1.  I ate 835 calories, 90g protein, and 42 g. carbs.  And I felt totally satisfied.  Not just physically, but mentally as well.  I also went and walked on the treadmill at the cardio cinema for 1 hr. and burned 375 calories.  Picked up some groceries, and then came home and grilled dinner.  Topped off by an episode of Downton Abbey.

Eats yesterday:

B:  2 scrambled eggs, ample amounts of coffee w/ sf creamer

L:  McDonald's grilled southwest chicken salad with salsa as dressing

D:  3.5 oz. grilled filet, 3 oz. grilled shrimp, few spears grilled asparagus, and 1 tsp. oil total on all

Today is off to a good start.  I've packed my lunch, am thinking about getting in a lunchtime workout.  Meeting DH after work to watch Thunder game--so I'm a little worried about the trickey food there.  Thinking about eating beforehand.  

Good morning, all!

Paula, I am not worried about your weekend, but am sending you skinny vibes anyway.  Fresh hair cut is bound to help, too. 

122.4, up a couple of pounds from yesterday.  (Yesterday was a pound below my broad maintenance range.)  It looks like the tide is shifting back. 

I got in good step counts yesterday but no yoga.  I miss it.  For sleep, I finally (just barely) broke the 7 hour mark last night which I feel is the minimum I need. 

Kairk, Carbon, Diane S:  hope your illness/family issues are sorting themselves out.  Bonnie, good luck with your bikini tune up!  Mary, good to see your post yesterday :)

From what I can tell, Seattle is officially sick and tired of 80 degree weather.  It doesn't take much to tucker us out.  I have overheard many conversations today that include "....so glad that it is supposed to rain over the weekend.  It isn't supposed to be like this in April"

Enjoy the day.  I (for one) will enjoy today's sun,

Shel

Good morning fab friends!  It's so interesting to watch and be part of the ebb and flow of our unfolding journies. You maintenance noobs continue to motivate me with your incredible drive. You're doing things so well, building a strong foundation to stand on in the years to come. This is such an important part of long standing success!   And Bonnie now has her plan defined and in motion so watch out!  She's coming through!  

I'm looking at my favourite number this morning, which is 112.  Food choices are still meh but calories seem to be within my range.  I'm going with the flow for now, not giving it a lot of thought. And as has been said this morning, these are times I rely on the habits I've built.  Practice makes perfect right?  

Interesting times around here as we work towards getting things in place for our summer adventures.  Can't decide if our new truck should be named Mickey or Minnie.  Five mice produced so far!  

I'm so grateful to have you in my life in such a meaningful way, even if it's virtual. Weird that we share so much of our lives here but could pass each other on the street with no recognition. 

If you were on Violet, I'd have a shot !!

I honestly forgot to weigh today! I'm going to assume I'm down a bit more. I'm guessing in the 197s. 

After 3 days of basic detox I am feeling back in the routine. My hunger is basically non existent today. I had to remind myself that it was after 10:00 and I needed to drink my shake - want to or not. So I did. 

I'm still struggling with afternoon and late evening head hunger. I bought some sugar free popcicles yesterday in hopes that those will be a good alternative to a higher calorie item. I know I am actually hungry around 4:00 pm, so I'm thinking I may just need to sit down to a real meal rather than a snack and see if that helps to solve the head hunger issues until dinner time. The after dinner time head hunger is a separate issue. It is an emotional craving for a "finish" - something sweet, something filling,... I'm not 100% certain what it is that my emotional self is seeking. Got to figure that one out. 

Puppies are starting to waken me during the night. They are stirring more and have found their voices and are beginning to ask for mom. Blue is more hesitant to nurse since the milk teeth are coming in. However, once she gets in the box and begins to nurse the hormonal "glaze" kicks in and she will let them nurse for 15 minutes. It's time to introduce the pups to goat milk. All this to say, I'm probably not getting enough sleep which puts me at a higher risk for cravings and weight gain. Doing my best to get the rest I need. 

I am enjoying the discussions this week. You all have given me great opportunities to examine my own thinking and journey this week. It's all been very timely.

Like Linda I feel very connected to this group and am so grateful to have you all to check in with each day. 

Greetings Journey Buddies!  I've enjoyed reading all of your posts today.  Lots of great plans, and lots of things to ponder over.

Food is still a struggle.  Today I walked into a store and bought trigger foods.  When I got into my car, I had the internal fight of, why did I buy all of those trigger foods vs. telling myself I can handle this, while my inner "voice" said "NO YOU CAN'T", and the defiant compulsive overeater shouted (in my head) "I DON'T CARE!  I'M GOING TO DO IT ANYWAY!".  Unfortunately, the defiant one won the battle and here I sit feeling gross and angry with myself for giving into that part of me.   I can now do one of two things - keep going because I 'blew it' or suck it up and stop the BS.  I am choosing the latter, as the first got me to 300 lbs. and is quite capable of leading me back there.   I actually, in my feeling gross and angry, also feel at peace with the recognition that I can just plain old choose to stop, if I'm willing to listen.  At this moment I am willing.

On a positive note - four weeks until recital!  Can't wait!!!  I'm going to ask my husband to video the routine and try to post it so you can see this old geezer strut her stuff! :)

Have a great rest of your Thursday!

Hugs, Mary

Defiant compulsive overeaters are all alike!

Glad you found the peace.

Quite the tease in offering to let us see the video :)