Wednesday, April 13th

161.4 today.  Up.  Part of the reason is that I made tacos for dinner last night and surely the sodium isn't helping.  I also did not eat very well.  However, I tracked everything on MFP, even the small chocolate pieces I didn't want to admit to, and it was right around 1600 calories.  MFP says that eating like I did yesterday, I would actually lose something like 3lbs. in the next 5 weeks--not a lot, but by their bogus measure, I was under maintenance calories.  So maybe they're wrong.  Or maybe my weekend eating is catching up with me.

NSVs yesterday:  Both my grandmother and mother commented (separately) on how thin I looked yesterday!  A win for the navy blue dress pants!  Also, I was a very picky orderer at lunch--asking for my sandwich to be made with no oil/butter, dressing/mayo on the side.  I ate half of the sandwich, and only ate bread on the first 1/4 of it.  And had 1/2 of my cup of soup.  Leftover 1/2 of sandwich will make for lunch today.  I think butter/oil probably is the greatest enemy when we eat out.  Because I do not "see" it and cannot account for it.  So I may think I'm choosing wisely, but I'm not.  And I'll tell you what--didn't miss it at all.

For the bad news--after posting on here that I felt I was regaining control.  I had my mid-afternoon cookie meltdown.  4 chips ahoy.  I did count them.  But I had a moment where I felt helpless.  Why do I crave something sweet so badly in the afternoons!  It's always between 3-5.  And it seems nothing else will do!  I had a piece of fruit first thinking that would help.  But no.  I disagree with the idea of cutting out carbs entirely--so the "cold turkey" method isn't for me.  I don't want to hide from carbs.  I want to be able to manage.  I think I may have to plan on some kind of desserty/chocolatey treat each day.  Maybe allowing for it and "budgeting" is the only way.  Not really a nighttime eater.  Just mid-afternoon snacker.

I mentioned that about 10 days ago I had a showing of "True Grit" with some friends.  And something the character "Maddie Ross" said has really stuck with me.  Apparently it's a well-known proverb, but I had never heard it before.  A server asks her if she's wants more, and she replies "I've had enough, and enough is as good as a feast."  I really really really like that saying.  Sometimes I feel guilty eating half, not taking home the leftovers.  Sometimes I miss being truly full.  But this statement suggests to me that being sated, even with less food, is the best you can possibly achieve.  Not even a feast can be better than that.  So what's the sense in eating more?

Hi BB!  I can relate to the craving for something sweet.  Sugar has always been my first rug of choice.  I've found there are certain things, even if once deemed "safe" have become triggers for me, so I have to stay away from them.  However, there are some things I seem to be able to handle that satisfy that craving.  Things such as sugar free popsicles, individual sf pudding cups, sf hot chocolate (I'm having one now, as I write this), or my afternoon treat of D 'n D decaf with about an inch or so of mint hot chocolate and Splenda, seem to satisfy that sweet craving for me.  Maybe trying to figure out what sweet things that don't trigger you are, and keeping them on hand would help.  Planning them in, as you said, and in the planning also plan how much, may help too.  Good luck and keep us posted!

Hugs, Mary

Oops!  that's 'drug of choice' not rug!  Too many ants with a sugar rug!  LOL

I know you like your carbs, but I would not go low fat at lunch. When we reduce our fat intake there is nothing to slow the carb digestion down and blood sugar spikes happen much more easily. Fat takes more work for the body to digest and impedes fast absorption of carbs when fats and arbs are eaten together. Having the mayo or olive oil with lunch may help those afternoon cravings. You could also try having a higher fat and much lower carb lunch and see what happens. I get the same afternoon doldrums and crave fast energy. I find when I eat really low carb at lunch, but make sure I have a good amount of fat, I don't have the cravings to nearly the same degree. I am able to be satisfied with nuts or even a hard boiled egg for my afternoon snack. Worth a try, anyway. 

I like the idea on fats.  I do think there's something to it.  I never specifically pinpointed it, but when i eat out for lunch (and I imagine there's much more fat that way then when I bring my lunch) I stay satisfied much longer.  I've also thought about combining something high protein with a chocolate snack.  I mean build in the calories for that.  That way maybe my blood sugar won't spike and fall.

Love that line - thanks for sharing!

Hi guys, I had a glimpse of 120.9 today but I knew the scale had been moved and might not be accurate so I reweighed.  121.4 is my official reading but still good fun to see a 120 pop up.  

I am exploring the effects of lack of sleep on cravings.  Over the weekend, I had been doing better on sleep and cravings were down.  2 nights ago, I had 4.5 hours of sleep.  While my daughter was at her violin lesson at 8pm, I found myself sitting outside my favorite grocery store  that is available only on Tue night because it is near the violin teacher.  They have a great baked goods section which I have ignored since VSG. I frequently get ahi poke there but last night I had already eaten dinner.  

In the car, I considered my options.  I would just look.  I would just get something small.  I will get decaf coffee and maybe something if it looks fabulous.  Those are my "good" intentions.  The other part of me wasn't pretending: it was thinking multi-portion baked goods with no intentions of leaving any evidence behind. 

I stayed out of the grocery store and drove across the parking lot to Starbucks.  From the parking lot, ordered a mobile decaf thinking that if it was already paid for it I would could resist any food in there.  As I picked up my coffee, I FINGERED the yogurt parfaits and packages of almonds.  But, I left them alone. 

Good heavens, I AM an addict. 

Last night, just over 7 hours sleep.  I stopped by the grocery store at 6am and walked thru their baked goods/donuts without much real interest.  (There is always SOME interest, tho!)  No surprise, lack of sleep = resurgence of worst behaviors. 

Those lunch boxes at work events?  I go ahead and take one now but I no longer care if I (for example) rip the sandwich apart and eat the insides.  I try to have some eating utensils with me so I am more civilized about it.   I also know those giant cookies aren't that tasty and are full of preservatives and don't mind throwing it out. But, I wonder how long this "who cares" attitude will last after reading Mary's comments.  Better keep some tuna packets around! 

Have a great day!  Shel

Shel if it's any consolation (or commiseration) I had a bizarre moment as I was checking through groceries yesterday. I looked up and there was an old binge fav candy of mine staring right back at me and I seriously considered buying it. Wtf I haven't touched it in 4 years!  The good news was I didn't buy it even though I seriously wanted it. And guess what - I hadn't given that stupid candy another thought until now. No harm no foul -just another disordered mind(less) moment. 

159.8#  All is well in my world for the most part.  I, too have a sweet snack attack after lunch and I'm also a night time grazer.  Heck, I can graze at any time.  I just love to eat...period.  I am almost never physically hungry.  I just want something.  Yesterday, was full of self talk and so is today.  One of my girls handed me oreo cookies because she knows I love them.  I took it and then put it back in the snack drawer.  There was much discussion in my head as to why i needed to eat it. In the end, I fixed my cottage cheese and blue berries and was happy. 

I have a session with my trainer tonight.  That's about it...

Glad it's Wednesday!!!

I agree with you.  If only it was so simple as just not eating when hungry.  Well, I guess it is, but my problem is not hunger.  At least not any more.  For awhile I thought I was getting hungry again.  No, the difference is not that I'm hungry now.  The difference is that early on I was so physically full that I was unable to eat.  I mistook the ability to eat now as hunger.  Nope.  Most of the time when I'm honest with myself I just want to eat.  Because it's sooooo fun!