VSG Maintenance Group
Tuesday, April 12th
197
I ate like CRAP yesterday. SUGAR - Baked goods - Father brought over 3/4 of a single layer chocolate cake with lemon icing for me to put in the teacher lounge today. Squares and squares of "free" chocolate brownie things on the counter. Lots of hidden stress. Need I say more?
I sat down briefly to consider my day of bad eating. The answer that made the most sense to me is that I have been stuffing some strong feelings of anger towards Ron for about 10 days. Nothing earth shattering, but he did a couple of things during Blue's whelping that I have yet to get past. The biggest one was when Blue was struggling to get the last puppy out and the puppy was in distress I called desperately for help. His response was, "Wait a minute. I have to get this done." I even talked with my shrink about this, but clearly it still bothers me, because I have strong feelings even as I type this. Anyway, little things over the past two weeks have been building up and I've just been trying to let them go. On Saturday I was frustrated with him and it must have shown in my tone of voice, so he jumped all over me about that. So for three days I've been walking around doing my best to not talk to him about anything of substance. Probably not good. Frankly, I feel stupid for even talking about this because it seems so trivial, but it is my truth. I am hoping that understanding from where the horrible colossal binge stemmed will set me up for a better day.
Diane O. - I was bothered most of yesterday afternoon, too, by the fact my words caused you upset. I stand behind what I wrote, but perhaps I could have found a gentler way of sending my message.
It's all your truth, neither good nor bad, just your reality and your feelings about your life right now. And of course, lots of these emotional hurts cannot be necessarily 'resolved'. Those closest to us are dealing with their lives differently than we do - we all deal with stress differently and I'm sure Ron was feeling stress too but didn't express it appropriately. I did the same thing myself just yesterday in a moment when I was caught off guard
We don't always get the apology or validation from others that we are looking for, but as you're doing so well, you're validating it yourself. Not silly or stupid, just your humanness shining through. Hugs
LINDA
Ht: 5'2" | HW 225, BMI 41.2 | CW 115, BMI 21.0
Devon, I find that I'm able to stay on course for the big things. It's the "little things" - the things that bother up, but we feel shouldn't be such a biggie, that catch us off guard. Glad you're able to identify what's been going on for you, as it's the first step to dealing with it. Hugs, Mary
HW (recorded) 323 Start of Journey 298.9 SW 263.6 CW 177.8 GW 180
Devon-
I expect and treasure nothing but honesty and honest input from my family members here. You shared your personal truth and held up a steady mirror. I was thinking like an obese person. I needed to hear that. I need and want to benefit from the "hard knocks" you have all faced. If a flag is raised by something, please, call a spade a spade. You have nothing to feel badly about, bad ass bro' !
Age: 64; 5' 5"; High weight: 345; Start weight: 271 (01/05/15); Surgery weight: 218 (05/27/15); Pre-Op (-53); M 1 (-18); M 2 (-1.5); M 3 (-13.5 ); M 4 (-13); M 5 (- 8); M 6 (-12) M 7 (-5, Xmas); M 8 (- 9) Under surgeon's goal and REACHED HEALTHY BMI 12/07/15!! (Six months and one week.) AT GOAL month 8. Maintaining at goal range (139- 144) ~ four (4) years !!
We are in the same boat, sister. I was 160.6 today. 150s are definitely my comfort zone. So I hope to nestle in somewhere in the low 150's. Trouble is that this weight is not quite bad enough to scare me straight. The devil on my shoulder says "c'mon, it's only a couple pounds. You've done a good job. Go ahead and enjoy today. The diet can start tomorrow."
But even with a few pounds gone from my high weight of 164, I feel so much more in control and not as afraid and hopeless.
