Wednesday, April 6th

Happy Hump Day !

     Sadie has her procedure this morning, to determine whether or not she has a left rear knee tear. She can't eat or drink this AM... so no fin for either of us. I took her on an extra long walk yesterday, to "bank some mileage" before they manipulate the joint into more inflammation today.

     129.2 today. I looked at the stats of frozen yogurt, frozen Greek yogurt, and mint chocolate chip ice cream yesterday. They were actually not appreciably different, with the frozen yogurt highest in sugar. I got a hand packed pint of mint chocolate chip, and enjoyed 1/2 cup.  I'm down again, so I adjusted my calories to 1475. I'm having trouble setting it to 1500. I don't want to get used to that many calories, then have my activity level decrease and have trouble adjusting my calories back down. I've had my macros set to:

Protein 30,   111 g

Fats 45,   74 g 

Carbs  25,  92 g

I really didn't want to go over 100 carbs, but I wasn't hitting fat, was skimming carbs daily, and consistently overshoot protein.

I adjusted to:

Protein 30, 111 g

Fats 40, 66 g

Carbs 30, 111 g

     I'll see how this works.  The conversations about willpower and regain are something I've really listened to as a newbie. I am in a place where the fight to get where I am is vivid and easy to anchor back to. I am grateful to be in a place where I have the power in sheer will to do what it takes to protect my skinny. My new habits are becoming more integrated and I know I can't let old habits / thought patterns creep pack in. I am vigilant about activating the carb/sugar monster or inadvertently finding new triggers. But, from listening to all of you... the farther out I get, the more of a challenge it will be. I want to fill my reserve of strategies for facing the inevitable new challenges and "my key" to keeping the magic alive.  Yes, I am in an overly optimistic place... but I'm milking it for all it's worth!

     Seeking the magic to protect my skinny!

Diane

123.6 today - up a smidge, normal variation. No exercise yesterday and too many carbs. I did find a frozen treat with pretty good stats in the health food section of our grocery. It is called Artic Zero and I had the chocolate. It tasted decadent enough to lass for a treat for me. Here are the stats for 1 cup (serving size is 1/2 cup)

I've tried a couple of flavors of Artic Zero - the ones with only 150 calories for the whole pint,  It's ok, but is quite expensive.  I have had to identify that sugar free ice cream is a trigger for me, as I eat a much bigger potion than a single serving.  If it's in the house, I only eat it once a day, but can't skip a day, as it calls my name.   Grr.. this addiction stuff stinks!! :)

Morning everyone.

cold gone but very tired. 

Back to work.   Calories 1123.  Still no walking.   Today is the day!

Happy Wednesday.

Good morning!  Scale was tolerable today, and lower than I'd feared - 205.4.  Lots of introspection going on the past few days.  I am coming to the realization that, over the past couple of months, even when I was in loss mode, I was living in the addiction and not the solution, much of the time.   I was either trying to figure out where I could get my fixes without gaining, or just giving in to the cravings.  In preparation for my check-up, I spent time doing the yogurt, protein shake, low carb dinner that I did as my pre-surgery diet, to try to lose quickly.  I am fed up with this whole cycle of addictive thinking and behavior.  I want to live in the solution, and be at peace with food.  That's my focus today.  Food has been fine today, and I'm not spending all sorts of time thinking about eating, what can I get, etc.  I am not a terribly religious person, but I do have faith in a Higher Power.  This morning, on the way to work, which is one of the times I can be quiet with my thoughts, I gave in and turned this whole mess over to my Higher Power to manage.  That does not mean I don't have to be mindful, but it means that when the inner "voice" reminds me that what I'm doing is part of my addiction, not my solution, that I need to listen.  Hope that makes sense.

Have a great Wednesday! 

Hugs, Mary

Good for you, Mary !!  Turning things over to a HP, and then focusing one step at a time on the next, best choice.  It sounds like you are solidly on the detoxing path.  For me, it comes down to being active in my addiction, or active in my recovery, which for me is following my maintenance plan (deliberate, informed, evolving, template).  Positive thoughts !!

Diane

That's a great way to put it Diane

Thanks Diane!  Being active in recovery is so vital!  I didn't mean to imply that I'm not being active in recovery, if that's how it's coming across.  More that I'm taking my cues from HP - or my inner "voice" that has never steered me wrong on anything if I truly listen.  Today, food and fluids have been in their place and I've been doing lots of steps at work by going to the printer everytime I print one page, and then taking the circuitous route back to my desk, to add more steps.  I'm already well over 2000 steps from when I started counting on my phone, but probably had close to another 1000 since I got up this morning.  It feels so right, with a sense of inner peace, when I'm listening to and following through with what the inner "voice" is telling me.  I guess I am trying to be deliberate, informed, and evolving, as you are.  I like that D-I-E-T, as it's so positive and proactive!

Mary, I love listening to your musings!  "where I could get my fixes without gaining" resonates with me as does the desire to live within the solution. I have had a resurgence of the former in recent days.

This is interesting stuff, especially on the heels of the talk of lower cal/carb treats.

If the noise in my head is 'it's 10 pm and I'm not hungry but I want SOMETHING .... a pickle won't hurt me' - when I'm in those phases I have to limit the times I eat. Nothing can pass my lips except fluids. Otherwise I just end up jonesin' through the fridge and the pantry with a lot of compulsive bites.

I know others build in a nighttime treat to deal with their sense of deprivation (which really isn't my issue), but that's never worked  for me.