Monday, April 4th

I'm right there with you.  I'm just a couple lbs. away from a healthy weight.  My doctor thinks I'm very healthy.  I wear a size 6/8.  I feel like a look 'pretty good' and the me from 6 years ago would probably think I'm too skinny and never would've expected I could lose this much weight.  And I keep thinking I've done pretty good to have only regained about 10lbs. over 5 years of maintenance and kept off the other 115lbs.  And sometimes I tell myself this was just an adjustment upward, and in truth this was meant to be my weight and I'm doing a perfectly good job of maintaining.  But I'm not very satisfied with this weight.  Yes, I'd ideally wanted to get down to 138.5 "half myself", but I was quite content around 152ish.  I felt a lot thinner.  It was also low enough that alarm bells didn't go off every time the scale crept up like they do now.  But the problem with "okay" is that it isn't very good motivation to get back to "better."  Especially when stress kicks in!

Kairk, we did have him enrolled in an ACT prep course prior to this test but it occurred right around the time he had his last "break down" and he didn't attend. I would be happy doing more (and we can afford it) if I was assured he would apply himself more. It has to start with him completing normal HS homework and making up tests.

HI ALL you April skinnies;

Another beautiful day in la la land. Yesterday I walked the old girl a little ways and then about a mile in the dog stroller. She seems to enjoy it - looking around from an elevated point of view. 

130.5 today so keeping the faith.  I think Dr. C was weighing me at 132 so i am nearing my loss. The problem is I weigh in first thing in the morning before fluids or food and by the time he weighs me I have had plenty of fluid. So 2 pounds really has to be 4. Oh well. 

Did quite a bit of gardening yesterday getting planters ready and surveying the mess of a yard. Gotta eradicate this one weed as it gets stickers on it in  the fall.  Not good for puppy or any dogs. And there is a honeysuckle vine that has taken over the universe. Wish I had never planted that dang thing. May have to use some round-up which I hate like heck doing. 

Got a call from my mom's nurse who thinks she should be evaluated for hospice. She is now having a hard time swallowing and is losing weight.  This is expected at the end stages of Parkinson's disease.  I just hope when the time comes its peaceful.  She is nearly  91.

Good vibes to all who are ailing.  Full speed ahead all you skinny ones.    Diane s

Hi Everyone!  After a very busy weekend and day today, I am finally focusing back on my journey.  To say I've been off course again the past few days would be an understatement.  I had no free time in the bathroom this morning, so couldn't weigh myself, and frankly I was relieved!  I know the scale is going up.  Sigh..  I had to really do a lot of looking at things, and realize that I am back into my addiction.  Yes, I'm staying away from the foods that trigger me the most, but other foods are becoming triggers.  I realized this weekend that I have to stay away from protein bars, especially Quest white chocolate raspberry ones.  Betcha I can't eat just one!  It's funny, when I stay away from my primary triggers, the second bananas come out to play!  In church yesterday, I prayed for help with taming my addictive behaviors.  I also, when we said the Lord's prayer, finally heard the words "forgive us our debts as we forgive those who debt against us" for their true meaning.  I have been hanging on to so many things that I've done in the past, that I can't undo, but cringe when I think of them, and get that uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach when I get feelings that I don't want to deal with, and have many many times in my life eaten over.  I had an 'aha' moment, in which I realized that I am able to forgive others who have made mistakes and hurt me, but not myself, but I can forgive and let go.  I repeated those words in my head, hoping for that sense of freedom.   I need to acknowledge out loud that I an active, though sneaky addict.  I find ways to eat, even when I'm not hungry, but convince myself I'm eating 'healthy foods', even when I'm not.  I can't convince myself anymore about my actions with food, which is a good thing, as now I have to face it all head on.  I know I'm rambling a bit, and am not sure that I'm making sense, but I have to be brutally honest with myself, and you all as well.  Thanks for putting up with my rambles!

You are all in my thoughts today, especially Lorna, Paula (hope your son is able to get through this struggle), and Diane S (it's so hard to watch a parent go through what your mom is going through).  Hugs to all!  Mary

WOW! Lot's of powerful introspective thinking going on with you. That's so great and so hard to do. Good going! Knowing and accepting your truth around your food behavior is such a significant step! 

Thanks Devon!  It feels good and not so good at the same time, but I'm muddling through and determined to not let my addiction win.  Mary