Monday, April 4th

123.2 today. Got an hour of exercise in yesterday - finally. I've been slacking a little in that department!

Work today, scouts tonight. Same ol', same ol'.

Son #1 struggling again. He got his ACT scores back and he tanked them! He can re-take but he has to come up quite a bit into get the college he wants and even a good amount to get into colleges that are not as hard to get into. I'm buying him some study guides but don't have much hope that his scores will improve much - I've never seen him study for a test a day in his life!

Hope you all have a good healthy, protect your skinny week ahead of you!

Paula

125.4 today....up 2 lbs overnight.  Perhaps some extra carbs have come home to roost but also fluid is clearly playing a part.  I yoga'd once yesterday plus a decent walk/run.  (I ran a little more than intended because I was out after dark and happened across a man laying next to the sidewalk. Freaked me out.) 

In some ways, having the scale up today is a good kick off to my week off for DD's spring break.  It will keep me mindful, something that has been in short supply in recent days.  Will definitely yoga at least once today, probably a walk/run, too.  Think I will try to do that in the daylight :)  

Paula, those tests are my greatest concern for my DD.  She will study for a test, but is a terrible test taker.  

Protect my skinny, indeed!

Michelle

I like that you use yoga as a verb. That's a new one for me. 

I, too, am enjoying Spring Break today! 

Good Snowy Spring Morning !

     Weather in the 80's, planting seeds, blooming things.... we are getting another 2-4" of snow today, and it is below 20 degrees with the wind chill !!   Shoveling is good exercise !!  I do need new snow pants. Can't keep the 8's up.... even over long underwear and regular pants !!

     Positive thoughts for energy and healing to Blue, Ron, Carbon, Grant, Lorna and all of us working to stay healthy physically, emotionally and spiritually.

     Shel... good question... why the ice cream/frozen Greek yogurt.   Ice cream would be a once in a Blue Moon treat...1/4 cup.  The frozen Greek yogurt, more of a warm weather option for snack that would augment protein and balanced macros.  We have no Costco's in this area.  My Greek yogurt, cacao, Vita fiber, Unjury concoction from yesterday will work in a pinch. 

     Linda... have any pictures of the glam Juno Awards outfit ??!! 

     Bonnie.... I choose to limit my red wine intake to one glass of red per night on the weekend.  I share your thought process... buy expensive and decrease the probability of having too much.  If I limit it to weekends, I have one bottle for two consecutive days, and I don't have to worry about taste/freshness longer than that. (Yes.. big glasses !)

     130.2 today. Working hard to eat 1450 calories. I am having difficulty cooking for one and not being able to plan a "taste" of something I don't want enough of to make for myself (like sweet potato or hummus).  I AM appreciating other aspects of just having myself to worry about.  Wish we lived closer... we could share !!  

So it sounds like it is just your warm weather option for snack needs to have some nutritional value?  I asked DD about frozen yogurt macro advise and got a lecture with accompanying eyeroll on how not everything has to have protein in it, yada-yada-yada.  So, no help there!  

Glad you found a concoction that works.  My cuisinart ice cream maker can make small batches, I think, but still it is the recipe that you would be looking for.  Good luck!  Also, you probably already know this, but you can make your own popsicles pretty easily using popsicle molds.  That way you would have some go-to, pre-portioned treats in the freezer. 

Have you heard of Freddie King?  He is a blues guitarist that I found on apple music. He is in the rock and roll hall of fame, so I am showing my cultural ignorance in not knowing who he was previously.  Fabulous music!

Anyhoo, I think of the both of us when I hear "Big Legged Woman" because it reminds me of our lymphedema (in my case, I would be the big armed woman)   Freddie loves himself a big limbed woman which always makes me smile.  

163.8 today.  Not really up over the weekend, so that's a good thing.  I think I need to officially say I now maintain at 162-164.  Not that I'm happy about it, but I need to be sure not to creep up more.  If I don't lose any weight, I'm okay with that (sorta).  But I definitely need to focus on not gaining more!  That's my first and foremost task.

I actually got tired of all the food this weekend.  A much busier and more food-focused weekend than usual.  Yesterday at the crawfish boil I did good shelling a few crawfish, had a piece of sausage, and a mushroom.  Until desserts.  I did have my one key lime pie bar and left the remainder, but then something very strange happened--I felt guilted into tasting the other desserts.  I have not felt that way since before WLS.  And it was a very deja vu feeling.  Someone asked if I had tried their dessert and I felt forced to try it even though I was solidly full.  I guess the sleeve always gave me the strength (or physical inability) to not want to eat by guild.  But I did and I felt terrible for it.  And then I started thinking about in the past all the millions of reasons why I needed to start my diet tomorrow.  And I realized I do that a little bit now.  But I need to prioritize myself.  And there is life beyond just food.  I found that out after WLS and I need to remember that.  Protect your skinny!

Good morning and happy Monday! Scale is giving me another look at 112 this morning. I do love that number and I've been seeing it more often these past three months again.

Unlike last fall when I was spending a lot more time just north of 115, I've been solidly south again since the new year.  I'm grateful to be back in what has become my natural maintenance rhythm. Okay, not normie natural, but more of a methodical natural, if that makes sense. Thought is still required but the decisions come more easily. 

We had a great time at the Juno Awards last evening. The Weekend and Bryan Adams were my fav performances and of course the Biebs was rather rude in a taped thank you he sent along in his absence. Burton *******s was inducted into the Hall of Fame.

We were in pre-purchased public seating so nothing glam about us!  Sorry guys, it's a Canadian affair, so nowhere near as swank as the Grammys. My wardrobe choice was casual chic.  Fidelity coated black skinnies, black suede shortie boots and and a black and cream print shortie swing sweater. A lot of people were very dressed up though, probably to make an evening of things, but we came straight home after. 

Thinking of all the folks here and connected to us who need healing and praying for strength and discernment for all of us as we make our way through our food choices today!

I'm so pleased for you about the south side of 115. I completely understand the comfort and satisfaction that brings. Rejoice in your regained stability! 

Paula sorry to hear Son #1 struggled with the exam. Disappointing for sure but he's young. Screw ups happen and he may learn something valuable from it. 

Paula, do you have the financial resources to send him to ACT prep classes? Many of those tutoring organizations guarantee minimal scores and will offer a student a full course of tutoring again if a minimum score is not achieved. Honestly, that is the way to go, if you can afford it. It will put him in a situation in which he is accountable for study, and will also give him the one on one attention he probably needs to succeed. I think it's worth considering. (Maybe designate a little of you PS fund....)

197.6 today. Down into a more acceptable range, but still not a satisfactory #. 

Blue is well. She seems to be her same old self, except she is now a fully grown up ***** (excuse the term, should it offend) and her "puppiness" has vanished for the time being. It will come back to a degree, but never the same as it was prior to becoming a mom. This is one of the terrible injustices we do to our dogs with early neutering and spaying, IMO. Rendering a dog sterile before puberty never allows them to finish growing up - both physically or mentally in a way. (Don't get me wrong, I fully support spaying and neutering, just not so darn early!)

One of the pups had a bad colic last night. Poor baby cried and cried. Only thing that seemed to help was some sugar water and being held on my chest and jostled during a cramping episode. Took a few hours to settle him down, but by 1:00 am he quieted. He's fine this morning. 

So, for my weight. Here's the deal: I'm at a perfectly acceptable and healthy weight. I look good to others, I feel good, but I'm consciously not happy with this weight. I know that for self satisfaction I need to lose some more weight. There are certain features of my body that have not been re-revealed to me, e.g. my really slim waistline. Also, the number I currently see does not give me peace of mind. I think you all understand this type of thought process and thinking.

HOWEVER, there is the little fat guy on my shoulder whispering in my ear, so to speak. He tells me that I look good, I'm healthy (BP, cholesterol, triglycerides - all good and labs are incredibly normal), I deserve _______(fill in the blank), so since the pups have come, I've not been too terribly focused on weight loss - or even particularly healthy eating. This is not to say I have not made good, protein forward choices because I have - that is an ingrained habit now. It's that I'm being very accepting of wanting to stress eat. A cookie here, a bit of chocolate there, and I've even had two lattes this week. I haven't had a latte in over 4 years. I don't even particularly love them, but I so wanted something other than plain old black coffee. So, a sugar free vanilla latte with 2 add shots was yesterday's afternoon coffee. Gotta say, it was a lovely and decadent treat. 

So, I have an interesting conflict going on. I'm not at all upset by this conflict either. I'm fascinated by the fact that there are two processes at play. One is logical, with an emotional underlay (the continuing to lose weight side). The other is very emotional based. That side requires soothing and stress relief in the preferred method of a food party! Whoohooo! 

I know that to ignore either one of my weight interests will result in trouble and turmoil. Today I am working on a way to honor both needs. I am considering what other methods I might use to soothe and relieve some of the stress, and am looking at ways to enjoy my food today. My goal today is to be a little more conscientious of calorie intake and macros, while still being somewhat carefree with my planning  and open with my food choices. 

I am enjoying the idea of facing this challenge today. You know, this is who I am. I am someone who wants to be thin and healthy and attractive and I am also someone who loves food and uses food in emotional ways. Food and eating are a huge part of my life. To accept this truth about myself and work with it is actually rewarding.

I'm so glad that the internal truce continues to be honored! So much better than the turmoil and struggle.