March 31st... Out Like a Lamb !

A number I do not wish to utter was on the scale today.

Amen-it is definitely an every day battle.  Like balancing on a high rope!  You find some days that work and some days that don't.  So many different occasions arise each time.  And each one is a learning experience.  It's probably a little difficul****ching me struggle like this--but I think if I weren't struggling, I'd be defeated.  So I guess I'm saying the struggling is good.  I think it makes us stronger.  

I also enjoyed Shel's reference to "normies" again yesterday.  I think it has inspired me to write a blog post.  Thinking about what "normal" people eat/drink, etc. causes me a lot of unnecessary heartache.  I will forever think I got the short end of the stick on my metabolism.  And I will swear up and down my friends can eat and drink more than I do and maintain at my weight--and most are a good 20-30lbs. lighter.  But it is IRRELEVANT.  So what?!  I came up with an analogy this morning--it's like bemoaning the fact that my peer only had to study 30 minutes prior to the test, but I had to study 8 hours straight just to make a B!  Maybe it's not my bailiwick, but if I want that B, I had better study more than that super smart kid!  Similarly, whether or not I think my metabolism sucks or its fair--it is what it is, and I can either choose to eat as they do and weigh more, or eat less, and weigh less.  Period.  End of story.  I hate it, but it's the truth and probably never going to change.

So I woke up this morning feeling fat, and sure enough the scale confirmed that.  Shared appetizers and drinks among friends last night was the nail in the coffin.  I felt like throwing on some fat clothes that would hide the water weight I feel I'm surely carrying.  I thought about not getting all dolled up because I didn't feel worthy of it.  But NO!  I went all out and feel better about myself and actually feel a little more deserving to treat my body right.

Be kind to yourselves and keep fightin the fight.  Never say finished.

    Denise-

      I am grateful that you share your challenges here.  Listening to your thought process helps me.  Your honesty and transparency are commendable. After Linda's recent post about "normies", I have been paying closer attention.  In retrospect, many of my thin friends work hard (not necessarily smart) at being thin.  Several of them fast and/or exercise more to compensate for a splurge. Two in particular pick and nibble and push that food around like an art.  One of them drinks a water in between every alcoholic beverage.  I have been much more aware of these "it's easy to be thin pretenders" since I've been looking for it.  I truly believe very few people actually have a metabolism that gives them a free pass.

     We all know how hard we have worked to be where we are.  It helped me to created a Motivation for Maintenance board on Pinterest.  It is a constant, positive focus on the journey, and a reminder that it can be done, one step at a time; one day at a time.

Oh and good luck to everyone considering PS.  Many people are very happy with the results.  I would just like to offer you two pieces of advice:

1.  Find the right surgeon and communicate, communicate, communicate your expectations, wants, etc. with pictures, anything

      2.  Be realistic and patient.  Ask the surgeon to be candid about what results s/he expects for you.  (for example, I had the normal tummy tuck, but have some excess skin still because I probably should've had an anchor, and secondly taking away skin from your tummy area makes hips more pronounced--something I did not anticipate

I think high expectations, and a very critical eye have caused me to be less happy with my results.  

OMG! Epic fail! I love it.... you know why? Because once I thought about it and understood what you did and why I think you refer to it as an Epic Fail, I immediately realized that I should try PB smeared on my favorite Double Chocolate Chunk Quest Bar! Oh, goodness, we are ill aren't we??? LOL!

Thank you for the wonderful chuckle this morning! 

195.6 

I think that's down, but sadly, I can't quite remember. Have to go back to Tuesday's post! Too much going on. 

Not much to say other than I'm still tired and Blue is doing well. I was able to extract a retained placenta this morning, which eased my mind a great deal. She still is on "Eclampsia Watch" since she had the onset of symptoms the entire delivery and we just kept pumping her full of calcium - injectable calcium gluconate, TUMS, and finally we started feeding her my calcium citrate + D tabs! She'll be on those (same dosage as I take!****il she weans the pups. She's an AWESOME mom. Dare I say, even better than her grandma (shh.... mustn't let Grandma know!). 

Have to also admit that the 195 number is a gift. We had ice cream in the house for Blue (yes, we feed them ice cream during delivery to keep glucose up) and yes, I had not one but two dishes (one at 4:00 am during delivery and the other last night). And bless his heart (southern s****** intended), Ron showed up yesterday afternoon with celebratory cookies - he said I "deserved" them for being awake all night with Blue (he napped). So, yeah, I ate those, too. Gotta say being exhausted makes good choices a little harder to make. However, other than those transgressions, my eating was very clean and minimal. I realize typing this that my calorie intake from 6:00 am to about 4:00 pm yesterday was about 350 calories. Everything else came later. Makes sense I was a little off my game. 

At school today, but have a sitter to watch Blue for signs of eclampsia onset while both Ron and I are out. 

Happy Thursday - and thanks for all the Puppy Support! 

Devon

So glad Blue and pups are fine!  Take good care of yourself too - make sure you get lots of sleep to offset the munchies!

Morning all!  Lol epic fail with pb - love it!  

I'm still hanging in at 113 but have been feeling and behaving more compulsive with food these past few days. I don't like it!  Will have to watch my carb intake a little more closely to dial that back.

Great day with extended family visitors yesterday.  Taking it easy this morning then off to work for a short shift later. 

Maybe we are all feeling cosmic pull to food with Blue's delivery?  For maybe just the second time since VSG (the first was Easter) I decided not to MFP the rest of my day when I hit my protein goa. yesterday by 11:00 AM.  This was not a planned, celebratory event.  This was a I-want-to-hide-from-it moment so I am going to make cheesy risotto for dinner, have yogurt with granola, NUTS!, a spoonful of peanut butter, etc.  Fortunately, there no processed foods in the house because I think DH is trying to drop some weight.

I have been feeling the desire to nibble for days! I thought it might have been due to increased activity and that might be playing a part, I suppose.  I am deliberately trying to work harder on strength and more interval training up steep hills, etc. 

This morning I thought about not weighing but knew that would solidify full-ostrich behavior.  I don't HAVE to run from facing this behavior and consequences.  And heavens know there are real consequences to going into denial.    It is the moving on that I need to practice. 

Today, I move on.  My own de-Chucking, if you will :)

Weight is stable, 123.4, despite overall increased calories for the last week or so.  Maybe I am more nibbly because I need the calories?  I dunno.   I will never trust my body to be intuitive in what it needs for fuel so I am ever suspicious when it asks for food.  Lordy, I hate not knowing for sure.  I hate that feeling of losing control.

Bars?  I don't do bars. Too triggery for me and yes they would be even better with a smear of nut butter!  I was looking at what is probably an excellent home-made bar recipe yesterday and realized that I could eat the whole pan and still want another. 

Lots of great thoughts on the board today. Thanks so much for sharing successes and challenges! I never get tired of it.

Let's all de-chuck together  

Shel

I normally don't do bars either.  I do have some powercrunch peanut butter wafers left but I probably won't buy anymore.  I had one quest that I thought was decent, and another I thought was disgusting.  I also don't do protein shakes.

I've gone back and forth about whether to return to these protein-packed supplements.  It would be so easy to have an "okay" list and a "no" list.  But I just don't like them.  And I'm reluctant to return to the days of eating things I hated in the name of dieting.  I prefer eating real food so much more.

Also, occasionally I would eat a protein bar instead of a candy bar.  But I found it didn't satisfy the craving and it had nearly as many calories as the candy (sometimes more).  I get that it is meant to be better nutritionally--but when I really want candy I find it best to buy a single package of Reese's and pay up the 220 calories.  And maybe have a protein chaser of chicken or tuna or something to truly fill me up.

Greetings Skinny people

We have to remind ourselves that we may not be at what we consider ideal weight but among us we have lost about a half ton and we are all so much better off.  Plus committed to our well being. How many people can say that?

So Blue has her own ice cream!  When we had puppies here years ago, our girl got a scrambled egg every day. Thats been ten years and she still thinks she should have one.

Little male runt puppy died. He was only 3 oz at birth.  But the others are fat and happy. Can't wait to go see them in another week or so.

131 today so down a half. Made chicken salad with gy and mustard and celery last night. pretty good stuff. 

I don't eat too many Quest bars - too hard to find around here - but i like the chocolate chip cookie dough ones.  wish i could find the raspberry creme ones.  I get them mainly for travel or when on gallery duty and its hard to take other food.  

Sunny day and calm here.  Thinking of Lorna.....    diane s