Wednesday, March 23rd

Good Morning Skinny Minded Soul Mates-

     Well, it looks like my four year relationship with my significant other has run its course. Last night, Chuck informed me that I was "just too thin" and no longer sexually attractive to him. He feels I am "all bones and too fragile".  So, there is nothing fragile about me and I am stronger than I've been in a long time. I like my body and I thank God I did this for me.  I'll get through this. It just reinforces how important it is to go into this process confident in your end goals and focusing on living each day as your true self.

     Only logged 4,500 steps yesterday. Setting the bar at 7,500 today.

Diane

(((Hugs))) Diane. I am so sorry Chuck feels that way. I see a very lovely, confident, intelligent, strong, fit woman - wish he could see the same! I would hate to think the relationship was based on just the physical anyway.

Scale at 123.2 again today, staying steady at the bottom of my range - a good place to be. I didn't get the exercise in yesterday that I had wanted to. Part of it was being busy and part of it was laziness - I could have done something if I had really wanted to. The wake had sooooo many people. Funeral today but instead I will go to the High School and help get things ready for the band/choir trip to FL that starts next Saturday. With the Dad of the baby being the band director, there is much to be done and he needs this time to mourn and be with his family.

Snow has not started yet but this one will probably be the biggest storm of the year for us. I was even called off work today with many anticipated cancellations from patients. That's okay - it freed me up to go help at the High School!

Paula

Paula good on ya for stepping up to make things a little easier for that poor Dad. You have a good heart. Hugs

How kind you are! I'm sure the director (and his wife) appreciate your helping hand more than they can express. Good for you for finding a need, filling it, and making their lives that much easier today. You're a "good egg"!

Ouch Diane. Ouch!   I won't write what I want to say as it would be too rude.     

Welcome back Momsy.  I have missed you.

calories way up 1573 and walking not recorded because Fitbit again not working.  Dang!!!   Might just have to bite the bullet and purchase another.  Dang!!!

Carbon - e-mail FitBit directly and see what they can do. They replaced 2 of my units for free and they were not at fault - one I washed and dried in the laundry and the other simply fell off me and I lost it. It is worth a try! They have great customer service (at least they did years ago!)

Paula

Good morning friends. I'm at 113 again and fluid intake is just not good. I'm like a broken record saying I need to do better but I don't do it. Getting my hair done today and will be wearing new A&E super flared jeans I ordered online so I could get them in the shorter length. They are just right! I know what you're thinking - Linda doesn't need any jeans. And yes you're right .... But they're beautiful flares that don't have to be chopped off and subsequently shaped wrong!!!! Lol

Diane O. That was a tough line your partner delivered for sure, but based on my experience as a social worker, that was the 'zinger' meant to get your attention. The real relationship issues are usually more complex and difficult to articulate. This is not about your body - I'm betting other issues are in play between you that may or may not be fixable. Hugs

Diane-I am so sorry to hear.  But in the end, the only person we have to stay with is ourselves and I am so glad you love you!  I think sometimes when we have more confidence, it reveals how insecure others are.  I have actually lost many friends because I was "too pretty" to hang out with anymore.  Which is just so darned weird to me.  As if I would have ever abandoned them by saying "hey now I'm too cute to hang out with my old friends."  But I quickly realized that their insecurities and negativity were holding me back and I wanted none of that.

Busy busy weekend followed by being out of town at deposition Monday and Tuesday in Little Rock.  Our belated St. Pat's Party was a huge success.  I always over-buy on food.  I must remember that at these types of things people prefer alcohol calories to food calories.  We had probably 40-50 in and out the whole night, but mostly a crowd of 25-30.  My mini reuben sliders and ham and cheese sliders were the biggest hit.  I prepared the rest of the menu in green:  all green crudites with green goddess dip, parslied potato salad, broccoli salad from the deli, pistachio salad from the deli, shamrock cupcakes from the bakery, and guiness-cheese dip with scallions.  I really enjoy party planning and hosting.  I guess you could say I'm the theme queen ;)  I would love to be a caterer, but then I think how much I love my weekends, and I would really rather just host my own crowd.

Food hasn't been very on point since we last visited.  I don't go out of town very often and I think the novelty of it combined with being in the car all day contributed to poor choices.  Actually my drive-through visits were on point.  McDonald's grilled chicken sandwich, no bun, no mayo.  It was those pesky bathroom stops at gas stations that did it.  Thank goodness its rare that I have to travel for business.

And now on to the busy-ness of Holy Week.  Since my parents have just returned from a two week European vacation (and goodness I'm glad they got back before the Brussels attacks--even though they were in Italy and Sicily I don't know how the International Airports are handling this), I will be hosting my first Easter dinner!  

I spent a good deal of my car ride thinking about my diet and what I should do.  Some of you might know Frisco.  He is a dear friend of mine.  One of the things he told me was that I'm really not far from the mark on maintaining.  I think my first goal is "stop loss" and figure out how to not gain --anything-- at this weight now.  I went over every possible diet scenario in my head.  Get rid of carbs, do a "pouch test", go back to liquid protein/optifast type thing for a couple of meals a day, do the HcG diet.  The nice thing about those diets are that it's easy to know whether you're on or not.  And the results come quickly.  And maybe this time, at a truly goal weight, I'll find switching to maintenance easier than before.  But I've done this all before and at the end of the day, I have to learn how to live with food and maintain.  Or even how to lose because, if you believe like my sister does, there is never "maintenance" there is simply gaining a few pounds and losing a few pounds.  I cannot hide from food.  I think it's wonderful that some can say farewell to carbs forever.  And I certainly need to reign them in.  But I think for me to be successful my whole life I will need to learn to co-exist with ALL foods.  I know I will never be able to go cold turkey on carbs.  And maybe I can and should do that for a stint in weightloss.  I think at the end of the day it comes down to calories in/calories out.  I have always, and still do feel that I get screwed by my metabolism.  But the simple fact of the matter is that this is what I have to work with and if I want to lose weight, I have to have a deficit.  I have a buffet of not particularly appetizing options:  exercise more, eat fewer carbs, eat smaller portions, don't snack, cut out the junk and alcohol.  But it will take a variety of those.  Now I just have to decide what I'm comfortable doing.  

Great reflection. Keep at it and you will find your truth. It took me months, but I stuck with it and finally found what was right for me. You will know. It's like a weight suddenly lifts off of you that you didn't even know was there. When that happened to me I realized that I had been fighting MYSELF for years! It's so nice to be at peace with it most of the time. (Not always, but mostly)

You will find your truth if you continue to search for it in earnest. I honestly believe that. I really do! 

Diane O. - I'm sorry your Chuck is a chubby chaser and can't see past the physical aspect. His loss, not yours. However, as Linda mentioned, I'm sure his comment is only the tip of the iceberg of what his issues are. As we lose weight we often change in subtle ways that become uncomfortable to others. I know Ron had to adjust to my increased confidence level and renewed positive attitude. Hopefully, Chuck opened the door to some good conversation, unless his confrontation last night was meant to close the door. Either way, it's a very hard thing to get through and I'm very sorry. Please stay close for support. We will hold you up as best we can. 

I'm still down big time with this cold. Would have stayed home except today is the first day of our outdoor ed program, Indian Days, and sub plans are such a pain in the azz that it's easier to just come to school and get through the day, go home and collapse.

197.5 today. Did okay with the eating yesterday, but had to fight the "munchies" or urge to graze later in the day. I really felt like I could eat non stop from 7:00 pm on. I guess right now, just maintaining here is okay. I have no energy to focus on WL today. I feel lousy enough that as I packed my lunch this morning, I put in an extra hard boiled egg because I was afraid I'd get hungry. Clear indication of wanting comfort food I think. 

Best to all and happy hump day.

Devon