Thursday March 17th

Thanks for the suggestions/comments regarding the baking/making treats. I actually do love to do that but also see the need to limit how much of it I do (currently, it isn't very often). In reality, I was going to have a "treat" if I made the dessert or not last night. I asked my husband for some his chocolate (he keeps a stash in his car - or elsewhere that I and the kids don't know about) but son #2 had his car so no chocolate available. I had received an e-mail plea for baked goods for concessions and thought - yay, I will kill 2 birds with one stone. Get my fix and get the concession treats made. I could have bought popcorn or some other treat for the concessions but the truth is I wanted chocolate. Thankfully, I don't have those strong urges too often and don't always act on them when I do. I was feeling weary last night - too little sleep, too much to do, argument with son#1 in the morning, hosting bible study last night, etc., etc. Feeling more balanced today!

Paula

Hello all.  Hovering around the same weight.

Yesterday I was STARVING all day.  At least I think I was.  I made a promise to myself that the first thing I would try to do is not eat when I'm not hungry--basic enough, huh?  So I kept keeping tabs on my hunger all day (to avoid eating for no reason) but I swear the power of suggestion!  I did good with no morning snack, very small lunch, etc.  But by the time I got home I felt ravenously hungry, but it was not time to eat dinner.  At least I can be pretty happy with myself that I had a string of rd fat cheese and a piece of turkey jerky.  Better than my usual.  But still, the hunger persisted.  I find that time before dinner--about 4-6--to be the worst!  Because I really am getting hungry, but I don't want to eat to fill up and miss dinner with my husband!  Anyway, we had errands to run in the evening and so we got a burger.  I ate my half of a burger and thought "this will never do--is there any bottom to this pit of hunger?!"  But I stopped.  And you know what?!  It wasn't more than 2 minutes later that I felt satisfied--if not edging near full.  Oh happy day!  And today I've felt very very satisfied too.  I'm really taking that with me today.

I also had this thought yesterday:  every morning we can reinvent ourselves:  who do you want to be today.   I'm taking slow steps today.  Not doing anything drastic.  But rather than feeling like this train is off the tracks, I'm remind myself that I can and have succeeded and just a few minor adjustments will be all right.  My husband also helped to snap me out of it.  He simply said "c'mon, you're not fat.  If you want to lose a few pounds you can.  But you don't need to."  

I guess one of my fears in acknowledging that I could do things a little differently was that people would see me, and my program, as a failure.  And I have received some responses to my posts (not on this lovely supportive group) all-but suggesting that I am.  I'd like to think that I'm not.  

Tonight may be difficult with St. Patty's day festivities.  But I think I will limit myself to 1 Guinness and try to enjoy company.  And then come home to some real protein food.  That's the idea, at least.

Keep fighting the good fight, friends.  

I find that if have some cooked veggies that I can eat those for a snack.  I have been craving brussels sprouts and broccoli since I have been able to eat veggies after surgery, and they are a Godsend to me.  Throw a couple of spouts in the oven with some seasoning, eat till satisfied and I can wait until dinner to eat my dense protein.  We've been spending  a lot of time at Costco buying veggies for snacks, thank goodness, or I would be eating carbs that would sabotage my weight loss.

I read your thread yesterday and I agree that there were some responses that were just plain nasty! 

OMG! You are anything but a failure. You've maintained nicely for 5 years in a small range. You are just going through a "blip" on the radar of your journey. You will get through this. You are thinking through it and also feeling it. I think that NOT just buckling down and getting "back to basics" is going to serve you better in the long run. Look, you've already identified that you have a fear of normal hunger. You're already working on that.

Listen, I had some pretty awesome personal freak outs during my regain period and then the "No Diet Experiment" period. Every one of my freak outs brought me to a deeper understanding of who I am with food and my weight and to a better understanding of how all that is connected to my feelings of self worth. 

If you haven't already, read Linda's (Spencerella) post on the main VSG board. It's quite good and extremely applicable in regard to your current anxiety about weight gain and eating and being 'Normal". 

Allowing yourself time and the freedom to let your learning about yourself sink in is a great idea. There is no urgency to lose the weight that you would like to lose, is there? And think about this: those minor adjustments over time can lead to overall significant change. 

You do what's right for you and we will champion you all along the way!