Monday March 8 I think

good morning everyone

the flu has been roaring through our community.   

Calories 769 and no walking except to the smallest room and back to bed.

Good Morning All !

     Carbon... please feel better soon !!!!

     There is a multi-cultural luncheon at one of our elementary schools tomorrow (half day for parent teacher conferences) in honor of the English as a Second Language teacher we lost a month ago, who also would have been celebrating her birthday this week.  Foods made with love, and a birthday cake from the best bakery in town. As I began to look at my "game plan", my old pattern of thought/behavior thrust forward. I thought about how much I wanted to try everything and bringing a piece of cake and things I didn't get to try "back to my office for later".  THE DIFFERENCE THIS TIME... I, almost immediately,  saw it for what it was. I identified and sat with those feelings.  I didn't want to "miss out" on anything. I was afraid there wouldn't be enough for me and that I'd be left out of the fun.  I anticipated difficult emotions that I was looking to numb/soothe/stuff.  Man,  the power those thoughts have dissipated by giving them a name and the light of day !!!!

     I accept that tomorrow will be difficult.  I know I need to be gentle with myself and focus on identifying and meeting my actual needs, rather than using food as a poor substitute... which would only end up making me feel needier.  My plan is to make a small plate of protein choices, staying out of the carbs and sugar. After eating my protein, I'll have a small piece of cake (thank you restriction). Hoarding food to eat alone is part of the old repertoire that needs to be gone for good.  There is no place for it in my healthy life.

     I'm starting to get the hang of this.  The more I practice, the more automatic it will become.  Thank you all for your significant contributions to this journey.

Diane

I don't know if this strategy would work for you, but it's something I've done in the past and it has worked well for me. I the "free food" situation that you will face tomorrow, what I have done is walk the entire length of the food table and taken note of what was there and what "looked good". Once I did that I decided on 4 or 5 things that I would like to taste - and I mean taste only. Once tasted, I chose 2 of those things to eat. Doing that I ate what I really wanted and was satisfied. (Once, though, this did trigger me as I chose a high sugar, fat, flour combo and I struggled afterwards to not eat more, but I did manage.) Just a thought. 

Ahoy, mates!   Lots of rain in the Pacific Northwest today!

Carbon, I hope you feel better soon!

Diane O, great job mapping out your strategy! Eventually, this will become more second nature to us but will take a lot of practice.  I agree that shining a light on our disordered thinking makes possible the untangling of old bad habits.

About hoarding and eating alone:  I started to do this very, very young when my always-petite mom began to shame me for my eating.  She honestly didn't know how to cope with my weight, an anomaly in her side of the family.

Recently, I found a boatload (bed-load?) of wrappers  under my 15 year old DD's bed.  I blame my husband :) because he oinks at her when she eats something like popcorn.  Her BMI is about 23.5.  Recently she has had some weight gain, tho, that to my eye looks like stomach fat.  At the same time, she is developing hips that are likely just part of physically maturing. 

So, I had a brief chat with her about how I was pretty sure that eating bad foods alone was one of my very worst behaviors that led to massive weight gain.  I also told her that it was grandma's fault :) but I framed it in a way that she just didn't know what to do with me. 

While we didn't talk about it, I do want to model/help her practice eating well (even the occasional treat) without going overboard.  So, we have had a couple of food excursions in the last few weeks.  In Shel-style, this were very structured including nutrition labels generated thru MFP.  The  treats fit my macros and calories were not excessive.  (I am not sure why I think I need to defend these excursions.) My daughter's health class is currently studying food labels so it fit in with her schoolwork, too.   I have already talked to my husband about the oinking/other comments but haven't related it, yet, to pushing DD into disordered behaviors. 

122.7 today.  If I can get off work in time AND if my new arm sleeve comes today, I might be able to go to an evening yoga class.  Woohooo!

In full skinny-protect today!

Shel

Scale remains at a nice svelte 112 today so that's nice to see. In honour if that, I think I'll pull out a bright dress to wear to a lunch date with a friend. I see a glass of wine in my plan!

My overall mood has been better - not sure how much is situational vs meds but there is still a good bit of remaining anxiety, which I've always seen as more prevalent than depression.  Staying on the meds for now.  

Well, now I need new clothes to go with specific weights.  Or, perhaps jewelry.  :) 

Glad you are feeling a bit better. 

155.9#  Definitely liking the downward trend.  I'm still a little moody and anxious today.   However, my sweet hubby lets me talk it out; as irrational as it sounds.  It is so much better when  I can talk it out.  He listens and doesn't try to fix it (as instructed...lol)  I'm also having lots of conversations with the Lord, too!  Most of the things I am anxious about are things totally out of my control!!!!

I'm sorry there is flu going around :(

Food at school is daunting at times.  However, nothing like I've seen at Devon's school.  Thank God!!!

I have a workout planned with my trainer tonight and that's about it!

Have a lovely day!

Good morning all,

148 this morning, one lb to go to get to my red line. Yippee.

I have had to do some soul searching and realized that the more I posted here and the more I weighed myself the more obsessed I became and the more stressed I got and the more I wanted to eat. I ended up with the old tapes running in my head, and waking up in the middle of the night over it. Fear and panic crept in. I needed to go back to what has worked for me for the past 3.5 years. That is logging in MFP calories and activity, and weighing monthly, However, I am going to weigh weekly for now, so that I can keep an eye on this; and hit my coveted 143 to 147. I am at peace with my decision and feel like I am going in the right direction. And the food obsession has been lifted. I feel more like myself again.

Thank you all for being here and I will continue to drop in; albeit not as frequently at least for now.

Hugs Lorna

Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do! 

Will miss seeing you regularly, but I completely understand. Be well and un-obsessed! Cheers, Lorna!

Sounds like you did exactly what you needed to do!  Obsessed and stressed is so miserable, so glad that has lifted.  Now it will be an extra special no-calorie treat when you drop in!