Tuesday, February 23rd

197.6 so down another pound. This is also a new low along the path. I am watching my weight graph and seeing the ups and downs, but with a constant downward trend is a new experience. It stands to reason that I would lose in a new manner since I am approaching weight loss in a new manner, too. It is definitely heartening to see my "new design" doing what I hoped it would do. 

During my session with the shrink yesterday we talked about the whole diet thing. I admit readily that I restrict food and I count calories and monitor my carb intake. What I put into words was my philosophy about my rules for eating. That helped me realize why I am not "dieting" in my mind. It boils down to I only have one rule for eating and it is this: What I eat must be a conscious choice. 

There are no foods that are off limits. Trigger foods are allowed, but they must be a choice. I also know who I am well enough to know that I will eat those trigger foods - sometimes without conscious choice, but impulsively. I allow myself these imperfections or transgressions now. When I "dieted", I demanded nothing less than perfection (which we know is futile). When I was less than perfect the emotional flogging began and the degradation of the diet ensued until I was eating freely again and stuck in my endless cycle of dieting and bingeing.

Weight loss is slower with my non diet approach, but sustainable without much mental effort and I never have to rely on willpower. This is what fits for me. It is not the right way. It is not the wrong way. It is simply my way. 

Peace,

Devon

Paula so sorry you are going through this with your son but so glad he can take to you and also glad there is a place he can go for help. Sending good energy your way. Mental health issues touch so many of our lives and there is not always enough help. Get some rest and take care. diane s

I have not had a chance to read through the board yet today, but I did want to say Paula I am so sorry you're going through this.  You're in my prayers.

158.2 on the scale today.  At least I'm maintaining.

Today I'm battling feeling bad about my food choices.  Because they haven't been so great so far.  But reminding myself to get back up on the saddle.

So far:

B-1/2 everythin bagel, poached egg

L-1/2 cheeseburger and a few fries

S-this is what has gotten me--chocolate chip cookie, coffee, and 2 mini reese's cups.  

D-I have chili in the crockpot

In all reality I haven't done THAT bad.  So I need to just move forward.

Well its 129 today. works for me. Another sunny day and the old girl dog will get a short walk. So will this old girl. 

Gallery finance committee meeting tonight. I think i will get some healthy snacks from the coop as I will need a protein fix to get through the inevitable personality conflicts that will occur.  

Thinking about the diet word.  I no longer consider myself on a diet. My diet is what I eat. I do have some eating guidelines such as rarely eating items with bread, pasta, rice (but not never) rarely eating desserts and sweets (but not never) and always getting some quality protein at each meal. Traditional dieting pre- sleeve always resulted in regain plus more and I finally gave up on it.  The sleeve was my last chance and it has worked well. In spite of a few pounds of regain I see a skinny person in the mirror and still fit all the skinny clothes.  Still have some goals such as more exercise and a little less red wine but overall I feel great. Hubby had a love affair with Goldfish crackers but he has given them up and oddly I never was interested in them.  He lost 5 pounds just by quitting them.  

So how easy is clean up on the Instant Pot?  I have become truly lazy in the kitchen but it would be nice to have some options.  diane s

I was worried about the IP pot, too,  because it isn't non-stick and our whole family is terrible at pan clean up.

I don't know if it is because there is always liquid involved in pressure cooking or what,  but the IP pot has been very easy to clean.  Very little if anything has stuck.  I usually quickly clean by hand before it has a chance to dry.  I threw it in the dishwasher once which was fine, too. 

I love goldfish crackers.  I don't eat them, but the love affair continues. 

I've been pleasantly surprised how easy clean up has been with the IP. My kids are on a Goldfish kick right now - darn Costco and I find myself snacking on them a little too!

Super easy to clean up! Takes only moments. 

I cooked up a batch of hard boiled eggs in the IP last night. OMG! The eggs literally SLIDE out of the shell. I read online that the mass produced peeled eggs in the store are pressure cooked. I found great directions on line and WOW! They weren't kidding. Yet one more use for this pretty awesome machine. 

Thank you are so very much for your support today. Hearing that I am a good Mom really touched my heart. It is times like these that the tape of "what did I do wrong as a parent?" keep playing over and over! I really hadn't thought of myself as being a good Mom until you all pointed it out to me, so thank you for that.

I called the behavioral health unit and they don't take self/parent referrals so I had to wait for the psychiatrist's office to open. Left them a message and they called back and said to have him evaluated in the ER. Took him to the ER and was evaluated and probably would have been admitted but there were no rooms left. Our hospital is the only one with a pediatric unit in the area so they had a social worker come in and talk to us. We got set up for a counseling appointment on Thursday, otherwise he is home with me today.

I think the stress of life is just overwhelming him at the moment. In the next week and a half he has several tests and projects due, needs to take his ACT test which he does not feel ready for and has several music performances to fine-tune (choir and band) for Solo and Ensemble competition. I think it is easier for him to just check out and try to check in (to behavioral health) instead of dealing with all his stuff. He also has 17 late assignments when I look at his school records. It doesn't help that he procrastinates, studies very little and spends all his time on his phone or computer watching You Tube videos. The kid can't get his priorities straight and of course we can't tell him anything! Being Bipolar on top of it all doesn't help either. He stopped meds and counseling over a year ago and was doing fairly well until recently. He always quits counseling when it gets to the point where he needs to be accountable for his actions and recovery...he much prefers to blame other people/things for his problems. I love him all the same though!

Going to try and take care of me and get a little nap in. Perhaps if the evening is going well, I will get on the treadmill. My husband teaches tonight, so I'm home alone with all 3 kids.

Paula

Paula-

     Thanks for the update.  We'll keep the love and positive thoughts coming your way !

I tried to "like" all of the personal comments to me and other posts as well but the like button isn't working for some reason. Please know that I am feeling all of your love and really appreciate it!