Diet Mentality rears its head! (Loooooong)

Apologies for length, but you all know me....

Yesterday I got an email link to a fitness site from which I get article alerts. The article was about a philosophy in exercise called Functional Fitness. Functional Fitness is similar in theory to the total body workout philosophy that has been popular, but is a little more specific. It's interesting to learn about.

What struck me as I was reading through the article was that I began to think about what diet or eating style would help me achieve the same type of lean body the author of the article had. I was struck by the fact that I still had the thought of, "If I follow what he does, then I could look like he does." This type of thinking is quite poisonous for me. I was thinking with a Diet Mentality 

I immediately logged off the website and tried to think through the process that led me to those thoughts coming to the forefront of my thinking. It took me until this morning to be able to get it all out in a semi organized fashion. Here are a few things that struck me:

1. I have always been attracted to very lean, but not overly built - think bodybuilder - types of bodies. I have never ever had this type of body.
2. I have always believed that I should strive for absolute perfection. Anything less would be failure. Since I have never had this type of body, I in turn am less than - in essence a failure.
3. Due to my choices in eating I have been maintaining my weight rather than losing for the past 7 weeks.
4. I am a bit tired/bored/annoyed by logging and tracking and weighing and measuring during this holiday season.
5. I had a couple of high sugar days and that can have an effect on the clarity of my thinking about food and eating.
6. Losing a significant amount of weight, even with the assistance of a small stomach and low hunger, is not easy 4 years out. It takes diligence, deliberate thought and action, and perseverance. This type of work can also be tiring on an emotional level.

I think all those things added up and rang a bell that triggered an old fear that I must find the right diet, the magic bullet, the ONE SOLUTION to my weight problem. While this thinking is troublesome and has me off kilter today, I'm finding it to be a blessing. The fact that a part of me still hoped to find the MAGIC PILL to end the suffering of my fatness and to transport me to physical perfection is letting me know that there is still work to do in this area. I still need to work on accepting my body for what it is. I need to work on accepting and being comfortable with the reality of what I am truly willing to do as far a diet and exercise. I still need to come to terms and accept that my perception of ideal and the reality of my ideal body weight and type are not in concert.

So many of the obese, formerly obese, weight obsessed people, etc... continually look for the solution to their weight issues on the outside. How many people do we see who come back to the board posting the "Oh no! I need help getting back on track. What do I do?" Really? Most of the time I question those posts? I think those posters are usually looking for a new answer - the one that will work for them THIS TIME.

What I've described in the last two paragraphs is what I think of as Diet Mentality. I know this type of thinking to be detrimental to my progress in dealing with obesity. What I know is far more productive is using the knowledge I've gleaned about nutrition and health to create the food plan that is individualized to me.

I know that basic premise that works for me: high protein, low carb, low sugar. I also need to know the calorie level at which I lose weight. 1200-1400 seems to be the answer there.

Now how I put that knowledge together must be individualized for me. My plan can't be someone else's plan. Someone else's plan won't necessarily work for me. Frankly, I don't like many vegetables. I hate tomatoes and so many damn "healthy diet" foods use tomatoes as a base. Blech.... See, individualized. I'm also very routine oriented. I don't need a whole lot of variety. I can eat the same things day in and day out as long as my evening meal is varied.

So I'm back at what I already knew. There is no "DIET" that will work for me in the long run. Even though I still am attracted to the thinking that if only I try such and such, I could...

This entire diatribe may seem like a no brainer to some. But I will tell you that several years out from VSG and with some regain, the old tapes can begin to play - sometimes loudly - even with all the work I've done to help me get away from those thought processes. So, these are just my musings. I need to remind myself sometimes of who I am and where I need to be.

Maybe someone will see himself or herself in my writing. If so - wonderful! As always, take what you like, discard the rest.

Happy Tuesday, peeps!

I am your witness. A very honest post, with some hard truths that I need to be reminded of from time to time. Keepin' it real. 

I see me, I see me!!!!  Thank you I need to be reminded. It was all so simple in the beginning; I just knew if I did it right and followed my food plan I never needed to step on the scale because everything would be just fine.  Lately I am obsessing with both diet and scale.  I have started this week forgiving myself and am moving in the right direction. Back at the gym and watching my food intake. No scale for a bit, because if I am honest and mindful then I will be ok!  Thank you again.  3.5 years out!

Kairk:

You have put into words my thoughts and feelings.    I also would like to have the 'magic ' something or other to lose the gained weight.   I look at some of my ' naturally' thin friends and they do not focus their entire attention on food as I have done/do.  They live life and food is just part of it. 

Respecting myself and respecting food is something that I don't often 'get' but lately it has been better.  

Thank you for the excellent post. 

Great post K.  Diet is a four letter word.  Its about habits that work for you which may be different than those that work for me.  Vive good habits.  diane