Tuesday. Dec 22

Hi Everyone! 

It's a rainy, gloomy day here, but the temps are supposed to be in the 40's, so I can't complain much - it is December in Maine.

Scale up .6 from the last time I posted, but down from the last day I weighed.  I have had a miserable cold.  Coupled with the fact that I've been pushing it to get things done, my resistence to food has been decreased.  I've been trying to catch up on reading the discussions here, as I've missed a few days.  One thing that struck me smack in the middle of my forehead was what Kairk wrote one day about not indulging, but rather having his usual snack and feeling satisfied and ok about the whole thing.  I had that for quite sometime after my surgery.  The ability to pass things up, without a second thought, and not feel deprived or eat other things I shouldn't, in its place.  It was my reality, no matter what was going on in my life - even the death of my dad and a major falling out with someone very close to me (since repaired luckily!), and it just was.  It felt normal and sane.  No longing, no emotional tug of war.  Eventually, that pink cloud burst and it's never been quite the same since, though I did have a much shorter period of similar.  I plan to go back and re-read my posts on the VSG board from that period, as I did that last year when I needed to get back on track, and it helped immensely for quite some time.  I need to remind myself of the hell I lived in before WLS, my transition from despair to hopefulness in the days leading to the surgery, how I felt physically and emotionally after surgery and how my life changed for the better as a result.  I know the further out we get, the more work it is.  I also know that my issues with food didn't magically go away back then, and I still need to continue addressing them.  But, I need to be reinspired to get over this very large bump in the road, so my head is in the right place to do that work.

I have also given myself permission to take the pressure off until we get back from our two Christmases away.  I don't mean carte blanche to eat whatever I want, but rather to recognize that I'll be eating some richer foods, as everyone does, and to do so without guilt, if that makes sense.

Have a great day all!

Mary

Oh Mary, yes those days of peaceful interactions with food are what we want. This can be your reality again, I promise. I like your temporary approach to the next week or so.

For what it's worth as a way to keep the horse in the barn, at weight loss times when I 'plan to go off plan' I strive to stay at my maintenance calorie level (rather than my weight loss level). Personally, I find that still having a boundary, but one that gives me more flexibility, helps me. Just hoping to give you encouragement rather than advice. 

Thanks Linda!  I really appreciate the encouragement and you sharing what you do.   I think staying within a caloric boundary is a great idea.  I haven't so much stayed within a caloric boundary on the off plan days, but I still stay within the boundary of not eating certain foods, as they are my triggers and I fear opening that door.  I need to take care of me and let go of the negative feelings about myself and the guilt.  That is advice I'd give to others, but it sure is hard to take my own advice!

can you tell me how i can post an intro for myself to the group? thank you!

Good morning. Down .3. Whoopee! Not really! I'm getting a little irked that I can eat off plan for one afternoon and evening gain two pounds and then 3 days of very clean eating and I'm down a whole .4. Yes, being a little pissy this morning, aren't I? LOL! 

Had the old dog at the vet this morning already, got to the post office, made a little fancy breakfast (1 egg, 1/2 oz shredded Mexican blend cheese, 1 slice bacon-splurge!-and, drum roll please,...... 2 oz baked russet potato) which is a little higher in calories than I normally eat, but I felt like having a hot breakfast. 

Have a workout with trainer at 3:00. Hoping to get some work done around here, too. House is a mess and with the family coming on Thursday evening I have a lot to do! Got get going!