VSG Maintenance Group
Sunday December 13th
Hi all,
Missed checking in yesterday. By the time I was able it was well past 10 going on 11, so I figured I'd wait until today.
Was down a bit yesterday and am up a great big chunk today and earned very last ounce of it! 
I went to my school staff Xmas party on Friday. I stayed on plan - no appetizers, modest dinner, drank only bottled water, and chose my dessert calories very carefully. Was down .5 yesterday.
Yesterday, I had the dog club Christmas party. Stayed on plan there, too. EXCEPT I had planned for dessert and there was no dessert. That was an absolute first. So, I decided to have a little bit of chocolate instead - you know the dishes of kisses and green and red M&Ms. BAD MOVE. Too much sugar all at once I think.
On my way home I stopped to get a cup of joe at Peet's (my favorite!). The pastry case looked so appealing but I said to myself, "Self, no. You have two wonderful and SMALL Guittard Chocolate chip cookies at home that will be perfect to have after the coffee. That will be dessert." (These were cookies that I brought home from the party the night before - 1 for me and 3 for Ron. Ron only ate two, so there were two left.) So plan was created, self smiled and was placated. All was good.
Got home. Ron had eaten my cookie. CATASTROPHE! Something snapped within. I immediately was greeted by my inner two year old having a tantrum. I wanted that cookie, damn it! I let the two year old have his way. (Yes, I made a choice to just go with it. I knew this was in the works because of how I've been feeling. I could feel it brewing.)
My best friend, my brother and I went out for dinner. I ordered nothing, but did choose the family sized salad we were all going to share. They both ordered medium pizzas. I had the smallest slice of each pizza and salad. I announced I was having dessert when we left the restaurant and proceeded to walk over to the grocery store. The one time I want a damn cookie the bakery was out of the cookie I wanted. I started roaming. After looking at what was in the bakery, I though, hmmmmm.... chocolate..... Went and looked. Then saw the ice cream, and went there. What did I see? A cappuccino It's It. Ice cream, cookie, chocolate all in one. Perfect! I got it. Got home, put it in the freezer and ate it about two hours later. I didn't even like it so much when all was said and done. Boooooo.....
There was some more chocolate nibbling the rest of the night because lucky me was gifted chocolates and caramels from well meaning dog club members and I haven't had the opportunity yet to take them to school.
I will say that other than the fact that I awoke to a 1.5 gain and I felt slightly hung over from the sugar and the fact that I have a mild craving for sweets today, it was a worthwhile sojourn down the path to the wicked witch's gingerbread house! Sometimes giving in and just doing it, when it's a choice, is worth it. Interestingly, I still feel "cheated" out of my cookie.
TMI? True confessions? Maybe, but maybe not because I don't feel the least bit guilty or ashamed. Yesterday was really just an example of my disordered thinking around food and a reminder that I am not cured.
Lesson learned from yesterday? Yep - Going off plan did not satisfy. The hole was not filled. But, there was something necessary about what happened. I just can't quite figure out the words to make that feeling make sense.
Gotta pound some more water down and get off to the gym.
