What's good enough? (oh, so very long!)

When is what you’re doing really good enough?

I read a line in apple’s post this morning that just struck me. Now I’m not saying there was anything wrong at all with what she said, which was “Need to shave the calories and eat a bit earlier.” The phrase just struck me and I had to think about why.

What came to me was her statement stirred a strong feeling in me about the intensity with which we scrutinize our eating on a daily basis. I am beginning to understand that for me this type of scrutiny and continual micromanagement of my eating life is detrimental to me in the long run. It’s because instead of giving my body time to adjust to what I’m doing to shed a pound or two or thirty I become so focused on the scale I NEED to see it move down each day.

To accomplish that movement downward I can obsess on what I did WRONG that day before to inhibit the movement downward. I forget to acknowledge all the things I actually did RIGHT to facilitate weight loss over time. I have to ask myself what is going to benefit me most in the long run. Is it focusing on losing weight, what I did wrong to impede weight loss, or is it focusing on the changes I’m making little by little to correct my disordered eating? I think the answer is all three of those things.

I think for those of us who have had WLS and have regain it’s really important to focus on the eating behaviors that encouraged weight gain. Clearly for us having WLS was not the complete answer. Even though we were able to make our weight goals, we didn’t understand the full extent of our eating habits. I know that I have certain trigger foods. I’m learning how to deal with those. I also know that I eat when I’m stressed and when I’m bored even if I am not hungry. (Incidentally, stress and boredom are the two most common situational triggers among the obese!) There are, of course, many more things to consider in this category, too, like mindful eating, restrictive eating behaviors, eat-repent cycles, last supper eating, etc… Every time I acknowledge and work on these issues I am making slow and steady progress. I have come to accept it is a SLOW work.

When I focus on what I did wrong, I find I put myself into a negative cycle that only leads to more negativity, which in turn will lead to giving up what I’m trying to do and succumb to a why-bother attitude, which can lead to a binge cycle. Acknowledging eating behaviors I want to change and understanding what prompted the behaviors is fine. Telling myself that tomorrow I am NOT going to, let’s say eat chocolate, stopped working a long time ago. I just didn’t know it. I can "NOT DO" something for a few days, but then I err and I get upset with myself and they cycle of poor eating choices starts. Then I repent and vow to start anew (after a last supper, of course!).

I want to lose weight. Oh, God hear me, I do. But I’m beginning to understand on a much deeper level that my extra weight is really a symptom of the eating behaviors I am working on changing. I am working on this process daily and even hourly. Sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes the scale defies me! But the scale has taught me that I can have a 3,4, or even 5 pound fluctuation for no apparent reason. I can change virtually nothing and gain a few pounds and suddenly lose it overnight or over the course of a few days. I have gotten accustomed over the past weeks to this fluctuation and it doesn't bother me as it once did.

I desperately want to lose weight. Yet more than that I want off the disordered eating merry-go-round! So, that is my chosen focus right now. Weight loss on the back burner while the focus is on disordered eating behaviors and modifying those. I think in a few months when I get a better handle on my actual eating behavior and the underlying issues that cause the behaviors, I will better be able to focus on weight loss in a way I have never done before.

Want to know what I did today? I skipped eating my morning snack because I wasn’t hungry! Go figure. I listened to my body. Am I a little worried that I may be over hungry at lunch? Yep, a little, but I’ll see what happens.

You know I post what I need for me and I hope that it will help others. For those of us with regain, it’s a slower process back to goal weight and if we’re going to keep it off forever this time we have a lot more work to do than just limiting calories.

It’s baby steps. Baby steps.

Hi Kairk.  Wow, you certainly gave us a lot to chew on - no pun intended!  :)  I've been trying to wrap my head around all of what you wrote, and need to process it all.  You have certainly been challenging me ( and I suspect others) to delve deeper, and I so appreciate that!  

Thank you Kiark I am trying to be mindful and not eat when I am not hungry. Challenging to say the least. I stopped weighing myself daily early on in the procees. The scale had way to much control over me. Now I weight about once every two or three weeks; interestly though the day that I know I will be weighing in is fraught with anxiety and frustration. Then if I am ok on the scale the day goes well. Crazy stuff. I have been able to maintain within 3 lbs of my goal weight, but I sure don't trust my body yet. Maybe someday; I'm working on it. Thanks again.

Well said, kairk!  I keep finding myself sliding further and further into old behaviors.  It's stuff that having a smaller stomach isn't going to fix.  And I know I need to tackle it.  It just feels... so... foggy and overwhelming.  But you put it into words pretty well!  I eat because I'm bored, stressed, happy, sad, etc.  I feel I have earned a fun snack like chocolate.  

I have recognized the good behaviors I've built though too.  Like not drinking while eating.  And exercising a lot.  And not drinking soft drinks anymore.  So I want to keep that list active and growing.  

Can you say more about mindful eating?  I think I'm aware of the concept but would love to understand what it means to you and how you use it.

Thank you for sharing; I am new to joining this group (also sent a PM to you and Frisco); had surgery 7-25-12 did very well with wt loss and thought I had my maintenance plan well thought out; and the along came last fall and something changed; don't know if it was stress related or what. I would occasionally allow my self to have dessert at family gatherings and I am convinced that the sugar has hijacked my brain and I have been going back and forth with clean eating and then poor behavior eating junk all sugary related; wonder if there is a healthy way to detox from sugar; or do I just go back to plan and just stick with it; I am scared; gained 12 pounds all from junk; don't feel as well and am scared very scared; I don't want to mess this up; it has been the best thing for my health and life thus far. Thanks for listening.