VSG weigh in for Apr 21 2015

Morning everyone

very thought ful posts Kairk and Momsy.  Both are wise and offer much for the mind.

Now, of course, it is all about me.  Self sabotaged badly last evening.  Feeling sick and rightly so.

I live in a very small town that takes 9 hours to get out of, so needless to say there is no therapist close by, lots of other services of course, but no mental health help.   Would any one know if there is anything on line?   I have looked, ( not recently I admit) to no avail.

today is a new day.  Feeling better for admitting the massive binge.

i truly know better but still I do it.  

Down .1 today.  It's raining like mad here and flood watches are in effect until tomorrow.

Apple, I have heard of on-line therapists, but never checked them out.  Perhaps looking up your state's mental health services would be a place to start.  They may be able to direct you to a list of resources.  Self-sabotage is such a pain.  Knowing better and putting that knowledge into practice are two different things.  I have always been the queen of self-sabotage.  It's almost like there is this wall that goes up when I am succeeding.  I'm sure there are deep seeded emotional reasons for short circuiting myself - probably a life long sense that I was never good enough or deserving enough is at the root.  Also food has always been such a comfort for me.  I have struggled with this dilemna all of my life and, once I decided to go ahead and pursue WLS, I knew that I would have to find a way to deal with the self-sabotaging in order to lose weight and maintain the loss.  Having gained some weight back, dealing with this issue is, obviously, still a work in progress.  I have, though, for the most part, been able to acknowledge situations in which I would historically self-sabotage, and consciously work through it.  Projecting is a big one for me, so I try really hard to stay in the day, or even the moment if I have to.  The other way I've sabotaged is, if I eat trigger foods, it would set off the tapes of "well, you blew it, so just keep going and get back on track tomorrow",  If that tactic worked, I wouldn't have needed WLS.  Tomorrow never came or there were many, many todays before tomorrow did finally come, usually with a large weight gain.  Now I work hard to replace that tape with "ok, you ate that, but just move on".  Does this always work? - no, but I am determined to keep going and moving ahead in this journey, as bottom line, I can't go back to the hell I was existing in before (it was not living!).  So glad you keep coming back here, as being accountable and continuing to make the effort is where the recovery is.  Staying away and giving into the addiction is a certain pathway back to hell!  Sending big hugs!!!

Mary

Hey Apple!

Been there, done that! Many, many times. I have learned that "self sabotage" is a really harsh way of looking at your eating. I know you are upset with yourself for eating in a way that doesn't promote weight loss or weight maintenance, but hell, all you did was eat. There is no crime in that. It was one single episode. The really important thing to know is that you can not be perfect, you should not expect yourself to be perfect and that yes, you will have an episode like this again at some time in the future - if you remain so hard on yourself.

For me, the episodes only began to pile up when I got more scared and desperate and tried even harder to control my food intake. It is a vicious cycle. I know it may sound odd, but I have noticed that so many of us think about taking or being in control when it comes to our eating. I no longer think about being in control, but rather being in charge of my eating and food choices. It may sound like a little thing, but if you sit and think about the difference between being in control and being in charge you may find that your feelings and attitude start to change.

My heart goes out to you. Keep the path and do what you can to help yourself through this: come here, read (lots of good stuff out there - have you read Overcoming Overeating? Might be a a good one for you), and see if you can find a reputable phone therapy organization. You might even talk to your PCP about trying something like Wellbutrin (a mood enhancer with the side effect curbing appetite in many people).

My best!

I like the "being in charge"....

It truly is a paradigm shift in thinking when you really embrace it. It has opened a window providing a view into my eating life I've never really had before. I haven't had a "binge" in weeks now. I've also lost 3 pounds this past week! YAY!