Update

Some of you asked to be kept abreast of the progress of my latest self-help endeavor. So here goes:

I met with head shrinker #1 yesterday. I was somewhat surprised by how absolutely forthcoming I was about my life – just not the weight portion of my life. I figured I might as well be an open book since what I want is to get help. Here are a few things I thought might be worth sharing – even if these things resonate only with a few people. Of course, these points are specifically about me so they may not be at all relevant to you, but they might be. As Elina used to say, take it or leave it.

1. I have had an abnormally high level of stress for over 1 year. Stress is linked to depression and depression is clinically linked to overeating and binge eating. AH HA!
2. I am plagued by what are called Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs). These are the thoughts that pop up all the time that allow me to think in negative terms about myself. I am to recognize these thoughts as they occur over the next weeks, acknowledge them and offer up a positive to counter the negative. Hmmm…. Not going to be so easy that.
3. Shrink believes that I am a candidate for very mild meds. Apparently, when one is depressed it is difficult to make positive choices (think food choices) even when one knows the correct choice to make. This goes hand in hand with some of my “I don’t give a **** about my weight” feelings when in actuality I care very much about my weight. It’s just that making the right choice can be so onerous the depressed part of the psyche wins and you make the crappy choice. Thus a downward and inward spiral begins. Sound familiar? Not sure I will go the med route yet.
4. Exercise helps rebuild the neuro pathways that meds rebuild. If I get back to a regular (4 to7 day) work out routine, that may be all I need. No meds necessary.
5. Envy – I suffer from a mild form of physical envy. I see men whom I believe hold some form of ideal body type and my internal reaction is to be envious of what they have and I somehow feel worth less than. Did some reading about that last night and have some strategies in place to work on that.
6. Shrink acknowledged that I grew up in an environment that was so hyper focused on appearance and that I was made aware of my perceived physical shortcomings very early in life. The feelings of inadequacy I have about my appearance, and details about my body have been fed since I was about 6 years old. WOW! In fact, given the cir****tances in which I grew up she thought it was pretty amazing I wasn’t bulimic as a teen.
7. It would be in my best interest for health reasons to get more sleep on a regular basis. Apparently 5 ½ to 6 ½ hours of sleep each night for months and months on end is not a good thing.

There are a few more things, but they are more of a personal nature (e.g. spousal relationship) but they are less relevant, except that they can add to the level of situational depression.

Where do I go from here? Well today is a meeting with an RD who specializes in working with people with disordered eating. Then Friday is a meeting with shrink #2. We shall see where this all leads.

OH, BTW, that ridiculous 10 pound gain I had last week was gone in 3 days. Go figure. No clue how or why that happens. Carb sensitive????

Thanks for the update!!  I'm very interested in what the RD has to say...

RD appointment was AWESOME! She is not only an RD but works in conjunction with 2 psychologist who specialize in helping people cope with disordered eating. She is very aware of the emotional response to food and how food can be used inappropriately. I will meet with her again on 3/11. I'm really very excited about our work together.

Thanks for sharing Kairk.  Sounds like you're headed in the right direction. Keep us posted!

good for you K.  sounds like the shrink is a winner and you too. don't you feel better just having started this? great post.   diane

Thanks for the update Devon.  I did wonder about the depression when you posted last time.  Sometimes, it's rather 'chicken and egg' about what caused what, but nevertheless, if you are depressed, medication is a wonderful tool (where have you heard that word before?) to put in your arsenal.  I really think it will help you to get the other things in place.  

I meet with the second therapist I want to interview today. I will be interested to get her take on using meds. I also emailed my PCP to get his opinion. We will see. I'm a bit on the fence since I feel so much better since I am actively working on helping myself. It probably doesn't hurt that I'm exercising with more regularity this week, too. Exercise always seems to help my spirits.

Thank you so much for sharing. Your words have helped more than you can imagine today. I to struggle with depression (un medicated) but I fight it. I too have found working out increases my positive feelings about myself and the world in general. Without exercise I become very miserable and short within a few days.  Again thank you and keep well. Keep us posted.