Serious question about thinking....

I'm screening a couple of shrinks next week to help me sort through some of my food issues. Perhaps I am feeling disquieted by the anticipation of meeting these new professionals - I seem hyper aware about my issues around food and eating.

So, I was struck tonight by a thought which was something like this: "I can't remember a time that I was not concerned about my weight. For the past three years, especially, I seem obsessed about what I eat. I would love to be someone who doesn't seem to care so much about food. Am I warped or is this normal thinking for a fat person?" (Yes, I still think of myself as a fat person in the sense that I see myself as someone who thinks like a fat person...)

Is this type of thought foreign to you? Is it something familiar? I'm a bit tired of this fixation on food. Just curious....

Boy, this does sound familiar!

I think that many of us have similar issues around food.  I know for myself I seem to have traded the "good golly, I'm huge" kind of thoughts for the "Oh crap, if I eat that I'll get huge again" kind of thoughts.  I'm coming to the conclusion that it's just the way I was wired.  My mom said when I was a little kid I loved to eat, whereas my skinny sister couldn't care less about food - they would pay her quarters to eat because she was so skinny.   Luck of the draw, I guess.

As far as wishing to be someone that doesn't care so much about food - I'm not sure if that approach would work for me.  I seem to have better success with owning who I am and working with it instead of against it -you know what I mean?   I will always love food.  Like a lot.  So I'm trying to tweak that love into more healthy ways.  I know carbs are bad for me, so instead of focusing on them, I try to put that energy into finding a really good heirloom tomato, or an awesome kind of artisan cheese or something.  I can get excited about it, but not completely derail my progress.   I'm still food focused, but just trying to shift it in a direction that works better for me.   Nowhere near easy, but I've had some success so far.  

I wish you luck in this leg of your journey.  I hope you find a shrink that you click with.  A great therapist can make a world of difference.  I also hope you share some of your wisdom with us, as I know that I for one am always on the lookout for a tip or two to help me along the way!

Cheers!

Jen

Sure this sounds familiar. And it does get tiresome so a shrink is probably a good idea. As a child I was really food obsessed and like ivory bird, i ate everything that was put in front of me including stuff most kids hate like liver and brussel sprouts.  It eventually evolved into a fixation on sweets.  Fortunately the vsg has helped me reduce those fixations plus doing artwork full time keeps me occupied with my passion.  I think its true we are just sort of wired differently. Not sure how a shrink will approach this.  Many years ago I went to a counselor about my eating and we did the "diets don't work" approach of eating when you are hungry only and stopping when you are sated and trying to imitate the habits of people who appear to be naturally thin.

I used to work with a thin woman who would get a handful of m and m's and put them on her desk in the afternoon and eat them one by one over a period of 3 hours.  she kept a huge bag of them in her desk drawer yet only ate this small amount slowly each day.  I never could have had that around without gobbling them down. I asked her how she managed to not do that and she just said she didn't know, that it just wasn't a problem.  yet she had other fixations about work and developed an extreme fear of flying for a time. so every one has their issues and I guess we just have to learn how to live with them.

GL with this.   diane

Yes, I can relate.  I had a short break from food obsession for about 1.5 years after surgery, but it's back.  I can remember feeling like I had so much more time on my hands when I had a break from the constant food talk in my head.  This coming from a working mom, with very little free time.  

I think it's a great idea to screen your shrink.  You have probably already asked if they experience with food addiction.  I have been to many different shrinks over the years (mostly because as an Army family, we have moved often) and I've found it difficult to find one to take my food issues seriously.  

Hope you find the perfect therapist for you.   

I am totally obsessed...my first memory about food obsession was when I was 4 years old.  I was the biggest girl in my class...chubby!  I remember sneaking food here and there at home and at my Gramma's house.  Pre-surgery food was constantly on my mind. When can I eat. How much can I eat.  The first year or so post-op I was less obsessed with food and more obsessed with losing weight,  protein numbers and carbs.  Now it seems I'm obsessed with food again and how much can I eat without gaining weight.  I need to get my head back to WL mode so I can get the regain off.  We've have some trips coming up and I worry I'll gain...it's the fitting in thing we talked about.  I desparately want to get back to my goal weight but can't seem to get there.  It's a contact obsession I wish I could be free of....when you're free let me know how you got there:) 

I hope you find. Dr. you're pleased with:)

I'm actually in the throes of some pretty intense depression over this **** I'm really sick of food issues, weight issues, etc.... I am really hoping to understand how and why I use food to self medicate, because that's the only explanation I can come up with for the type of eating I engage in on occasion.

What is irritating me to no end is the fact that I am rarely hungry, but I want to eat a lot of the time and then when I do eat I don't want it to be done. Considering how little I can eat (4 oz of meat and some veggies) that can also be a mind blower. Luckily, I think (?), I am able to eat about a cup to cup and a half of salad. That will often do the trick for feel of volume, though I have learned that it turns into very little once it hits the old sleeve. Something like 1 1/2 cups of salad chews down to less than a 1/4 cup. So that's a good one for me.

First appt. is tomorrow. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for some direction to at least start with. We'll see. (Will also be nice if this one clicks because she's covered by insurance. The one on Friday is not and runs $130 per hour.)

This is definitely not about physical hunger or the need to fuel your body...I'm not often hungry unless I go for a long period of time without eating.  I'm not sure I know what real hunger is.

I can definitely relate to the thoughts you express.  I, too, have a desire to be naturally able to relax about food and not worry about whether I'm eating too much or too little.  I think I'm a bit in the "honeymoon" phase of all of this, but I think I too am focusing that energy in a different place right now, and I am finding that to be something that is good for me.  But, I wonder if I will hit that wall too at some point, so I am grateful to you for sharing your struggles.  It helps me to know it is part of the process.  Good luck in your search for a good therapist - I hope you are able to find someone you feel comfortable with.