Daily maintenance weigh in - Sunday, January 11, 2015

158.6 

I got a new laptop for Christmas and I'm still getting it set up, so this is the first time in a few days that I've been able to actually post. 

Just sort of typing my thoughts here, so please ignore my rambles if they bug you. When I get off course and I'm in the middle of all of the reasons I'm feeding myself--why it's okay that I had another bad day and constant internal monologue that goes on in my head about what I "want" versus what I "need" when it comes to food-- have this moment where my brain gives a great, bored sigh and says -- so okay, what are you going to do? It's sort of my "are we going down the fat road or the skinny road" because my brain really doesn't care either way.

I sit there and I think about it for a few seconds and then I pick. Skinny.

Nothing has changed in my life. I still have a bat-******g-crap crazy MIL living in my house. I still have a stressed out daughter in her first year of high school who feels like she doesn't have any friends. I still have a stressed out son in the IB program, who is finding out that staying on task when you have your license and a new gaming computer is hard. I still have a husband who is sort of looking and sort of not looking for a new job which makes for a fair amount of confusion.

All of those things will swirl around me and sometimes become something I have to deal with sometimes have nothing to do with me. It's spelled l-i-f-e.

So, here I am again, 3 years after surgery fighting the mental battle that will never go away. I will always be me--a worrier, a martyr, opinionated, outspoken and trying to keep it all together while giving something to myself. 

Again--for the millionth time--I'm choosing NOT to jump. *slides over to the window and crawls back inside* 

I'm at 179.6 today. Happy to be out of the 180s again (even if only barely), but still have a lot of work to do to get back to 165.

Glad you hear you are choosing to hang in there, Slim. Even when not in stressful situations, I have to have the "fat road or skinny road" conversation with myself and after choosing the fat road for several months in a row, I realized I had veered uncomfortably far off course. I guess I will always be me as well.

...and Heaven help you with a crazy MIL living in your house. I hope you have a very big house and/or that this is a temporary stop until she finds her new place.

Best,

Lindsey

123   Good to get your update Slim even if it reads like a rollercoaster report. Gawd, must be so tough having MIL.  I have a really crazy old relative who manages to drive me nuts from 2000 miles away. Pretty hard to blow it off when crazy relative is in the next room. Easy for me to say dont worry  since its kind of not a choice.  but chosing the skinny road is so good on you for that. You can worry and be unskinny (you are no where near fat) or worry and be skinny. option 2 does seem better.  gl and stay in touch.   diane

153.1#

Glad you're clawing back in... What else you gonna do!!!!  Hugs!!!

113.5. Slim I love your brutal honesty. And yeah, life is life. We have to own it. And taking this right out of your songbook, what the fk else are ya gonna do?

144.8 back up from 143.6

Oh well maybe this week it will stick down.  I got really dehydrated one night and spent the whole night up with horrible leg cramps for 5.5 hrs. Lesson learned I need carbs in order to maintain body fluids. Especially if I'm going to run 6K.  I will learn; some things I am just a little slower at LOL.

Slim, I am glad you are choosing skinny. I am so sorry about the MIL. I have one to wow is all I can say. I promised my son I would never be that MIL. That's all I got honey! God Bless and keep you sane. :-)

It is great to hear about our journey's - you are helping me stay focused today!!!! Hugs!!!!!