Failure ... again, sigh :-(

Dorothy, I'm right there with you. I was maintaining easily between 160-165 for so long that I started to get ****y. I started letting in more carbs, I "took a break" from running and never went back. Now I've hit 200 pounds and I'm still going. I feel completely out of control and am careening from one binge to the other. I'm so ashamed of myself that I want to crawl under a rock and die.

I feel like a failure and the worse I feel the worse I do. I'm in a shame spiral. I can't manage to keep up my eating for more than a few days at a time. I can't tear myself off the couch because I'm so depressed. I'm terrified that I threw away my wonderful new life that I worked so hard for. I'm scared that being fat is my biological destiny. I need help.

I hear you, Stephanie, and as a goofy guy in my choir used to say, "I resemble that!"  HA!

Only it isn't funny, is it?  I was just driving down the road trying to decide "which approach to take" to get myself back on track.  The approach I decided on was to only have two carby things a day -- my favorite breakfast cereal and one pack of peanut butter crackers, which does the trick for me for the morning snack if I have a cheese stick with it.  Before I got home, I realized I needed something from the drugstore, so I swung in, got my needed thing ... and bought two chocolate candy bars!  Ate one of them before I even got home!  Oh yeah, I'm doing great ... NOT! 

When I first posted here about six weeks ago (?), I got off all simple carbs and sugar ... for about two or three weeks.  Just couldn't keep it up.  Or wouldn't, I should say.  The ten pounds I lost over those weeks, fluid mostly of course, came back, and now I'm fighting to keep from going higher.  Oh yeah, that candy bar was really the right way to fight.  :-(

Let's keep in touch, Stephanie.  Shoot me a message any time, or you can email me directly: [email protected].  God bless us both!

--Dorothy

Seems like every time I actually remember to come and check this board I end up posting the same thing... I'm Right There With  Ya.  For like, the last 2 1/2 years.   I'll be 5 years out in January, and have been back up over 200 for awhile now, after going from 258 to 172.  Eating JUST like I did for years before surgery, tons and tons of sugar.  I've tried so many times to get the "new" me back, that person I was for the first couple of years, and have failed over and over again.  So, after much MUCH research and reading, I'm getting ready to try a 7-day water fast after Thanksgiving, then follow my original post-op steps (liquids, mushies, etc) and hope that breaks the addiction again.  I just don't know what else to do with  myself anymore.

I'll try, as always, to remember to come back here more often--don't have much success with that anymore either, but I know it helps. :)

Oh how I hear you, Stacy!  Sugar and junk carbs are the devil!  (I say that as I sit here eating something sugary, *sigh*.)  

I'll be interested to know how you get along with the water fast.  Please post about your journey with it.  And consider yourself hugged and supported by this friend!

--Dorothy

Back at'cha!  I received your request btw, and the message with it showed in my email, but not on the actual request ( ? ) ....but it's approved, and thanks!!

I wish this site had a *like* button!  

--Dorothy