Failure ... again, sigh :-(

Hey again, y'all.  I tried so hard about a month and a hal*****o get back on track.  Lasted, maybe, two weeks.  I've eaten so much sugar tonight that I literally feel sick.  Dear Lord, I'm scared but don't seem to be able to change my behavior.  Just posting it here, and uploading some photos of my journey down, up, down, and up again makes me feel better.  Thanks for being here, sleeve friends.

--Dorothy

So here I am pre-sleeve in 2007.

And here is was this summer.

And in my recliner with Callie Cat.

I do understand your struggle. Boy, do I. 

I wish I had some sage advice for you but I don't. All I know is sometimes I have to knuckle down. When I remove the emotion and look at the choices and behaviors that I've made, i tend to be able to make better choices. 

At least, that is what I'm working on right now. 

Dorothy...I'm struggling as well.  I can't seem to string enough healthy days to make a difference.  I'm going to keep trying though. I've committed with my trainer to healthy eating until Thanksgiving Day.  Yesterday wass a complete disaster.  However, I'm back at it today. It's a scary feeling. My jeans are tight. And, I need to white knuckle it and just do it. The good thing is you're here and you've not given up.  We know what to do, we just have to do it.  Easier said than done. 

Im so sorry you're struggling!  Back in 1989 after ending a relationship, I couldn't stay out of the sugar.  I went to an Overeaters Anonymous meeting.  I left that meeting and didn't eat a Bite of sugar, or a derivative, for nine years.  Read every label. It sugar was higher than 7 on the list I didn't eat it.

i think that what I learned from sitting in those chairs for 17 years gave me the foundation to sometimes deal with my addictions with intention.  I highly recommend the 12 step program.

sending hugs

Thanks, everyone, for your replies and support.  I've done a little better since I first posted but not terrific.  That night I threw out every bit of junk food in the house.  My deepest shame is that the next day I actually pulled some crap out of the garbage and ate it.  (I used to do that at the height of my addiction, which was such a horrible time about 20-25 years ago that I can hardly remember the agony.)  Needless to say, the garbage went in the dumpster about half an hour later.  It had never occurred to me that I could still do that.  

Lee, I went to OA meetings for a number of years, as well as one-on-one counseling for close to 20 years.  I could (would?) never change the horrible bingeing until I was sleeved.  But since I got back into the sugar and simple carbs four and a half years ago following a horrible surgery gone wrong and many complications, I've never been able to get control back completely.  The memory of the peace I felt in the year and a half post-sleeve / sugar-free is something I hold onto with all my might.  It is the best push toward clean eating that I have.

Again, thanks, y'all.  

--Dorothy 

Language and how you talk to YOURSELF is such a harsh thing.  If this was a friend would you call THEM a failure...NO...then it's time to give that love to yourself as well.  Are you falling down, well yes, but you CAN get back up. 

Ms Shell

Oh Ms Shell, bless you ... but I have fallen down so many times over the past 40 years that I'm not sure I *can* get back up.  The sleeve was the answer to almost 35 years of trying with all my might, succeeding for a short time, and then failing ... until I got back into the sugar.  At the same time, my health had gone down the toilet.  Now I just don't know if I have it in me to try anymore; on the other hand, I can't NOT try.  I'm just worn completely out with it all, AGAIN!

--Dorothy

Until you are dead and burried it doesn't matter how many times you GET BACK UP.  You do have it in you.  If you didn't you would still be hiding but you are posting and crying out for HELP and I know how hard it is.  I know that no matter how much **** I toss against the wall, sooner or later SOMETHING is gonna stick.  Don't give up on yourself.  Consider yourself THAT FRIEND that you wouldn't give up on no matter how many times she feel.  

Can you give me TODAY.  Can you give me the next 30 minutes and at the top of the hour GIVE ME 30 MORE.  And everyday just do it again and again.  Toss it out the house.  Stop bringing it in.  You HAVE it NOW tell me what you can do TODAY??!!

Dang, I wish this website had a like button!  Thank you again, MS :-)