primal urges

So these past few days have been full of anxiety due to this tendon injury thing. if something is bothering me i always want to take action and there is not much i can do to make this heal faster.  I was surprised by the reappearance of some old urges - walking past a vending machine and having a momentary desire to buy a candy bar or being in the grocery store and wanting to grab those impulse chocolate things that are always around the check stand. these feelings are almost like a reflex and reminded me of myself years ago when i often made purchases of candy and such simply because it was there. i haven't really felt like this for a few years. now faced with this frustration I realize how much stress and adversity triggers some old neural pathway that had been surpressed. fortunately, new habits, formed during weight loss phase, seem to be holding me on course.  devon is right. its still one day at a time and stressful events can really throw you off.   diane

Yes Diane. On all counts.

I'm feeling some of those same feelings today and my old neural pathway is waking up. I think there are times when we need to break the time down into very small chunks and this looks like one of them for me.

And I'm reaching for fluids every time the crazy train passes through my brain, which is frequently today.

I still find these times very scary, which I suppose is mostly a good thing for me.  But I hate these times. I will be so glad to go to sleep tonight because a new day always helps me. 

yep, those neural pathways are in there really deep. too bad there is no drug to undo them. drinking water or tea is an excellent idea.  hope tomorrow is better for you. diane

You too Diane. I'm sending you strength 

Here's what happened while grocery shopping yesterday... Me:  I think since it's Easter, I'd like some gelato.  So I go to the ice cream section and look and the calories and carbs and healthy girl pops in and says that's just not worth it.  My husband agrees.  So he says ...well, it is Easter.  We need a treat!  So we go looking for Easter Candy.  Can you believe we couldn't find any!!!! lol I wished that worked every time.  I wasn't even stressed.  It was the holiday.  I don't think I'll ever be truly free, but I'm going to fight it with everything in me.  

Strength and Peace!

The big A.  I just posted elsewhere that because of major changes in my life and hating change, my eating is horrifically off course.  It's not going off plan and getting back on the horse, it's wanting and feeling I deserve whatever I've decided will make me feel good.  

All I see is old behavior which I really thought had gone.  So yes I totally understand.  While reading Spencerella's post in daily maintenance I thought "I so hear you" and all I can figure is that we have to find a re-thread for those times because it can also become a habit and I'm not one who believes maintenance is cutting out everything but this behavior I've seen in myself this past few weeks is scary and I have to find a different way of coping.

Unfortunately my new habits are not serving me at the minute and while it does not come along with weight gain, it will, it surely will. Also everything i'm choosing to eat is bad food.  I mean actually bad food and this from someone who has not in two and a half years has eaten anything processed.  Yes it's not a great time but I just have to find a better way to deal with stress, curling up and eating is no longer an option.

And on it goes, right?

The fat girl has been bouncing her cottage cheese ass on my brain for a couple of weeks now. 

It has been the compounding life **** that has been happening since last August. Things that I can't control. A few that I can, but are part of the rest of it. 

I've handled some of things really well. Some of the things that have happened have helped me run to the fat girl and feed her. 

The only way I know of to handle the harder emotional times is to talk about what's REALLY bothering you. What is the core emotion? Fear? Failure? Happiness? Then, make a conscious choice to pick something OTHER than food. Pick a walk. Pick an new art project. Pick a coffee with a friend. Or a movie. Once the problem passes, I find that I usually have a new tool to add to my box of fat-girl fighting weapons. 

The fat girl will never leave. She will sit on your emotions for rest of our lives. 

Core feeling? Rage.

Sucks.

I'd love to have even a few weeks without those urges at some point - I guess I've assumed that after over 30 years of practicing using food as a comfort mechanism, that reflexive desire for food would always be my initial reaction to stress or anxiety.  It feels like only abstinence from sugar lets me have a clear enough mind to snap out of it and stay on track, rather than go ahead and eat the candy.  I'm sure it's incredibly frustrating to see those urges resurface, but I'm terribly envious that you went years without it.  Perhaps it's something I can hope for with enough years of practice carving those new neural pathways.

My fat boy is still alive and well..... just layin low till the chocolate cake is around.....

Easter dinner I see the German Chocolate cake sitting on the counter.

My mind starts doing math..... ya know cause I'm good at this by now....

The angel on my left shoulder is saying..... look at all those great roasted veggies and a little rice and scallop potato would be good with that beautiful roast beef.

The devil on my right shoulder is saying screw the veggies, rice and potatoes.......use your carbs on the cake you idiot.

The devil won.....

frisco