I see me...........

I see me.......

I see me almost daily....

I see me many times in a day if I’m at a public event or place....

I see me everywhere....

I see me...... at around a 54BMI

When I see me, I know what that person is feeling.....

When I see me..... I can vividly remember what and how I felt.......

I’m a visual person, that’s my job...... I can tell you from across the room what 3oz. of protein looks like.

When I see me....... sitting in a restaurant, not comfortable, self conscious, embarrassed, thinking I gotta get outta here.

When I see me trying to walk up the stairs..... I know how hard it is to breath, the pain, the sweat, the way my heart pounded.....

When I see me trying on clothes...... I know how disgusting it feels......

When I see me in an elevator.....I can hear him breathing......

When I see me at the grocery store with all the wrong foods in the shopping cart.......I know people are taking note......thinking..... that guy doesn't need all that crap food.....

When I see me...... I know that guy has a hard time tying his shoes.....

When I see me...... I know that guy can’t really get a good wipe on his azz......(sorry TMI....but the truth)

When I see me driving.... I know his stomach is touching the steering wheel..... 

When I see me walking to an airline seat.....I know people are just hoping it won’t be next to them..... and he’s probably gonna have to ask for a seat belt extender......

When I see me..... I have mixed emotions......

Do you see you ????

frisco

***This post is not meant to be condescending to anybody...... just my truth.....

While I was overweight most of my life, I was about 50 - 60 pounds overweight.  So I never experienced some of the things you mention.  It hurts my heart to read the things you posted.  I've been guilty of looking at other people's grocery carts and thinking about what they are buying.

Trying to squeeze between chairs at a restaurant and almost always having to find my own route. Getting up in the middle of a movie to cash in on my free popcorn refill. Hitting the local Walgreens because I *needed* something that just happens to be in the candy isle. I see the woman across the street who had a bypass 10+ years ago and says she's gained it all back and then some. She walks her dog down to the mail boxes 5 houses away and back and I know she's spent - because I used to be, too. I remember trying to find new ways to do my own toenails. Sweating for no ******g reason and blaming it my monthly cycle (yeah, no--not that much sweat). Working out and ALWAYS being last. Snoring (I no longer snore).  

I use those people to remind myself why I only bought a big water at the movies on Saturday. I use them to remind me why I shouldn't think of abstaining from those foods as a punishment, but as a opportunity to decide when when I will and won't eat treats.

It's such a journey.

I don't think that was condescending to anyone, Frisco. Honestly, it was kind of beautiful.

It's true. I look at people that were my size and I get this weird feeling of... I don't know how to explain it. ((HUGS))

I don't think it was condescending either. And also kind of beautiful.

But like birdie, not really my truth either.

When I see other MO people, I see my brothers and sisters and sometimes I smile at them in brother/sisterhood and later I think "they must think I'm nuts" because, of course, I don't LOOK the part any more. Then I hope they don't think I was smirking instead. Because I will always be a sister. Now I also belong to a new clan but I didn't give up my membership in the MO clan and I don't think I ever will. It's too much a part of me.

So I guess I do "see me" even if I don't think of it that way.

But also I don't think of it that way because in a lot of ways that wasn't how I experienced being MO.

Because I wasn't big enough have trouble wiping my ass or need a seatbelt extender or not be able to ride a roller coaster or not fit in a booth at the restaurant. Oh man, I lurved the booths -- because I had plenty of room instead of the tiny chairs with the arms that squeezed me. It's when I started to have to sit down to tie my shoes and got winded on the stairs that I decided to get WLS because I saw my future -- your experiences -- and I was scared.

And now I see those things you guys talk about happening to Mr. Mac and my heart breaks for him.

As for looking in shopping carts and judging, you all may be happy to know that I never looked in a fat person's cart and judged them for having junk food. Now, I did and do judge people for what is in their carts. But my standards aren't based on weight.

If you pull up to the checkout counter and have nothing but alcohol and ice cream in your cart, I am going to purse my lips. And then I'll tell myself, maybe he's going to a party. Even though I can kind of tell he's going home for an all night binge. (But throw some ciggies in there and my inner Judgy-Judgy will go ballistic!)

Same if your cart is totally full of processed food and you have 4 kids hanging off you. FEED THOSE KIDS SOME FRESH VEGGIES, BEYOTH!

I know I shouldn't do that because I don't now what is in their house or why they are buying what they are buying that particular hour of that particular day. Some days my cart contents are pretty weird too especially if I'm just picking up a few things we've run out of.

I remember  judging people for their weight though... how could they "let themselves" GET so fat? And "so fat" was always 100 pounds heavier than whatever I was at the time. So, of course, the "so fat" line kept moving upwards. But these days my "how could they" trigger is pretty high and it's less about "how could they" and more about "why don't they".

As in, OMG, that person is SO BIG. How do they move around? Aren't the in pain? How do they wipe their butt? THEY SHOULD GET WLS!! And then I get sad because I figure the only reason they haven't is because they are afraid or because their insurance doesn't cover it. The afraid part, we can fix, but the insurance/money part is harder.

This. I was in that boat of seeing my future.. hell, living it vicariously now through my mother who is living it first-hand.. anyway, afraid yes, but the day of being more afraid of the inevitable future if I did nothing vs. doing something as a self-pay finally won over. It is the harder part. Deferring long-term plans like moving out of a crappy-ass dangerous neighborhood in favor of dropping $$$$ on elective surgery, much less the risks you take, is scary. It's worth it, but still.

And yes, I do watch carts- not so much judging by a person's size, just by sheer nutrition or lack of.. we do a lot of bulk shopping for cheap veggies at Sam's.. cheap flats of mushrooms, avocados.. coffee.. Greek yogurt. Most folks are walking out with snax/prepared foods in boxes.. we buy just bulk veggies, cheese, eggs, and staples like that. It's gotten to the point that we've drawn a comment or two. It doesn't escape my notice though that what's in the carts frequently correlates to the person's overall outward health appearance either.. 

I see me... and see the pain of yesterday.

I especially see me at Walmart.  Not so much at Whole Paycheck, I mean Whole Foods.

I see me... and it feels like today even though it was years ago I was obese.

I paid for WLS, my insurance would not pay.

I wish I could afford to pay for WLS... for those who are not afraid.

Why is it, that so many MO people are so scared of WLS?  But not too scared to continue on the same path of misery.

But..too scared to change their lives I guess.   

Thank God I was not afraid of the surgery.   Okay...I was afraid it or I would fail but not of the actual surgery.  

I was fairly small for being MO, so I didn't have to suffer the pain of most of these experiences.  However, the lack of that pain also gave me a lack of clarity about my own size.  At the time, I never saw how big I was.  Every picture I saw of myself made me cringe.  Must be a bad angle, outfit, lighting... the mental excuses were endless.  I just couldn't see how big I was.  Now, from the other side, I see me everywhere.  I see other small/huge people and think "holy **** I think I was her size" and I just can't believe that was ever me.  When I look at my size xs shirts, I just can't wrap my head around the time when xl shirts were getting too small.  Weird how we trick ourselves into seeing only the version of ourselves that we want to.  Sometimes I find ways to work into conversation that I used to be a size 18 (currently a 2) just so I can tell the person who looks like I did about how I found help in the hopes of getting their wheels turning.  I wish more small/huge people could see the old versions of us and realize that we could be the new version of them!