Keeping going when you're so close to maintenance...

I'm not exactly struggling right now, but I'm not exactly on my game either. I'm 161 (from 375) right now. 11 pounds to go. I'm just falling into this "ugh" mode again and I can't seem to shake it. I know a lot of it is stress that will disappear on April 16th (guess what I do for a living? Yeah, I own a bookkeeping firm with a hand full of employees that I may actually kill - bail me out?). I'm just so "meh". 20 months of this crap is starting to make me a little nutty.

I need some new tools in my toolbox to get these next 11 off. I think part of it is that every time I lose one pound even, new wrinkles and skin folds appear. I have SIX UDDERS people, when I lean over. Seriously! I hate it, boobs, upper tummy, lower tummy... and let's not even talk about my private area, thighs and arms. Ugh. I just need to get my **** together and finish this. I'm losing 3-4 pounds per month still. I supposed that's pretty normal at this stage of the game. I'm just feeling "done" and having crazy thoughts of "oh, just pay a plastic surgeon to remove those 11 and be done" although I KNOW it doesn't work that way.

I look at my body and the fat still left and I think there's no way there's 11 pounds, it's at least 20 of fat left and I really really don't even want to think about getting rid of even MORE. And who knows, I still see a fat woman sometimes (although less and less). Yeah, I'll be paying my shrink for the rest of my freaking life. It's just too much already (mentally anyway). 214 freaking pounds is a lot of weight to lose as it is. Adding 20 to that makes me want to just scream. I know... small steps, look for the next pound, etc etc.

Don't get me wrong, I'm amazed and happy at how far I've done. Heck, just 6 or so and I'm a "normal" BMI. Who the hell would have thought I would ever be normal anything. LOL. I just need a hug and some ideas.

So, maintenance people... any tips on getting your head in the game for the rest of this journey? I know, I know... "just do it" right? I need a magic 11 pound wand.

""oh, just pay a plastic surgeon to remove those 11 and be done" although I KNOW it doesn't work that way."

Sometimes it does. There's a gal from way back before we had a maintenance board who pissed and moaned about 20 pounds for at least 2 years on OH. Went on that stupid 5 Day Pouch Test off and on. Was constantly beating herself up about not being able to lose this last bit after having lost a TON of weight. Then she decided to have PS anyway. Guess what? She looked in the mirror after and said "I'm done!" It turns out that all that "fat" she was upset about was empty fat cells and loose skin that only PS could get rid of and not fat after all.

For me, I find that the weight I am now is a perfect balance between having so much loose skin that I feel like that alien in Men in  Black who took over Edgar's body and had the wrinkly neck and having a muffin top. If I lose any more, I'm going to have old lady arms again and weirdo boobs again and I hated that. I'd look in the mirror and think "I have to get PS" constantly. I haven't thought that in ages since I had a little bounce back.

I call it my Happy Weight.

ROFLMAO... OMG, I needed the MIB comment SO bad. I gagged on my coffee (no, not decaf, screw that... decaf coffee should be outlawed!) Ummm... tangent!

Anyway, yeah. I'm not ready yet for a consult. I want to do it over the Summer, hubby is a teacher and can be home all Summer to help me with recovery, so I'm thinking Summer 2014 for plastics. I'm pretty sure there's still fat here. Just not sure how much. But I've heard that sometimes they are just cells that won't go away, especially as overweight as I was for as many years.

I dunno. I'm just going to plod along. I'm just in a "ehhhh" place right now. My "ideal" weight is 130-150. I might go for a consult this Summer if I can get my gumption up enough. I'm just terrified. At least then I would KNOW what I'm dealing with. I guess they could also run it through my insurance and see what THEY want and what they might take care of - I have dreams of them paying for it all (stop laughing) ;)

That 5 day pouch test is... well, I'll withhold comment. LOL

Ok...my 2 cents: get your gumption up and go for the consult. Because you are right on BOTH counts-- there undoubtedly is fat still there AND when you get to that udder stage (which I agree is nasty and I still have a bit of on my upper abdomen even after a TT), it's really hard, if not impossible, to lose more fat from there.  What do you have to lose by talking to a PS and getting at least an idea of what they think? You have done such an amazing job--I think it would help you to start getting your head into the next phase of this journey...

L.

What she said!

I agree with ThinLizzy and MacMadame.  I lost 3, maybe even 4 pounds from my LBL, and I'm guessing you have more excess skin that I did from your description and starting weight. 

Get yer consult!

Gah, just thinking about it makes me take a xanax and send an email to my therapist ;)

Kidding.

Mostly.

I will. That's going to be my goal by my 2 year, get my droopy ass to a plastics person. I can do this.

I wonder if I'm done every day.

I just keep on going because really, what the **** else am I going to do? I mean **** I have to eat, so I might as well keep it WL friendly. Maintenance for me is going to be like that movie "A River Runs Through It" where it climaxed like 10 minutes into the movie. Like the last person over the finish line in a marathon. Sure, you should be proud of the accomplishment, but do you really want the world to know you were last?

The solace I have in being last is that I am making the lives of many, many newbies very happy because they can all say they got "there" before me. Funny thing is, most of them aren't getting there at all.

Being last is my public service to the forum.

I totally get how you feel.

I think I love you. No, really. You are right, "what the **** else am I going to do?" is exactly kind of where I'm at. I do it because... well... because. LOL! There ya go... we'll let the newbies be "there". I like that attitude.

And if one more person tells me, "but you are getting so skinny, surely you're done now" I'm totally going to punch a kitten. I've just stopped discussing it.

The good news is that most of people in my real life are used to seeing me now so I don't get the "OMG, you look great" thing anymore. I mean, I loved it, but at the same time... punching kittens.

 OMG - I am totally using the punching a kitten.

I lost so slow, very few people even commented on it. Most would say "Did Slim change her hair?" Well yes, mother ****** I cut off 10 inches. Oh, and I lost 80 ******g pounds, thanks for noticing.

No one tells me I'm too skinny, but my people have large asses. You could seriously set a table on my ass.

My boobs look more like those nasty little skin tags.

But hell. I want to try 135 on and see what it feels like. So? I keep cleaning out the crap that creeps into my diet.