Denial/Resistance? Food addiction? Help!!!! *long*

Hi guys,

Clearly I'm in maintenance at this point.  I'm happy with my weight loss and with my size, energy, health, etc.  i'm neve going to be a size 2 but that's okay.  I am also dealthly afraid.  i know i am at the total danger point of this process.  i think it happens with all weight loss efforts, whether WLS or WW or anything.  I have achieved my goal (pretty much) and now i can stop working at it.  Awful attitude, I know!!!

I am so angry at myself and disappinted and discouraged.  i feel like crying with shame.  i know i have a bad problem with food.  and, of course, at this point, i know how to eat around my sleeve.  and i'm letting myself.  and it isWRONG!!!!!!!!!!!

So, addiction.  with the thinking part of my brain, it seems that it fits.  And so many of you that i admire and adore talk abou it and lving with it and being responsible about it.  and WTF is wrong with me?!?!??!?!  i can see that the way i'm eating right now, while not truly, truly awful, is just plain wrong.  i'm still not getting enough protein (my NUT, who i see once a month is ready to kill me), i have endless ideas from OH famil of ways to get it in, for instance, ways  to eat clean, the whole nine yards.  and my NUT gives me endless concrete ideas and support.  i'm so lucky.  and yet i resist and resist and resist.  i should be eating every few hours, greek yogurt, edemame, all those things.  it's just not that hard to get in 60 g of protein, which is my goal right now.  but i don't.  the idea of yogurt makes me queasy.  nothing "good" appeals to me.  i give in to the carb monster.

i feel like such **** up.  i don't know how to get through this denial that i can't eat the way i used to (whateve i was craving).  i'm scared.  i'm discouraged.  and i feel very alone.

can i have some help and some love, please?  please don't judge me.  i know i'm doing his wrong.  i also know that it is not too late.  but it shames me so much that i didn't do what i KNEW i needed to which was not just change how much i eat but HOW i eat.  of course i eat proein first at meals, 4 oz of dense, i eat 1/2 c of veg.  my meals are not the problem.  it's the in-between times.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I need a soft place to land . . .

I know that you already know all of this, so this is just a friendly reminder.

1) You are not alone, I fight these demons all the time.  Mostly I win, but not always.  I get it, we all get it.

2) Stop with the shame and the guilt already.  Enough.  These feelings are not helping you out of this rut and are only making it worse.  Yes, you have issues with food, welcome to the club.  :)

3) Grazing in between meals is a deal breaker.  You have to stop or you almost certainly will eventually gain your weight back.  Put yourself on an eating clock and commit or recommit to only eating as specific pre-agreed upon times.  If you are hungry in between your meals, have some water, or tea, or graze on veggies.  Put some serious boundaries around your eating. We all need them.

4) If you stopped journaling, start again.  It's the very best way I know to keep yourself accountable.

5) Give yourself a huge thumbs up for posting about this and refusing to hide in the shadows and be an ostrich.  Fight the good fight with the rest of us.  We are not perfect, none of us, and you are right here in the trenches along with the rest of us.  Post about your progress, or lack of progress, we will walk you through it. 

Hugs.

Elina

Thanks for the helpful tips. I am 3 weeks in and sitting here feeling hungry lol. Even though i'm not and just had dinner about 2 hours ago. I need to start journaling again and holding myself accountable.

Thank you!

Elina is so right on here. Try to take all the emotional stuff out of this - its hard I know, but if you beat yourself up and feel bad about yourself it might just lead to more off program eating.  Instead set some modest goals for ha*****anges and then write down that you have achieved them and give yourself a gold star. If you are sick of gy right now then have string cheese or skim milk or fat free cottage cheese. make your goals one day at a time or even one meal at a time. you might do one protein drink a day just to up the protein. I am doing this sometimes now as its hard to get enough sometimes and my doctor wants me to up it. I get a costco premixed premier and put it in the freezerfor a bit so its icy cold.

Anyway, many of us go through this fear stage of regain and it eventually passes as we realize we can do this. I know you can too once you find your routine. And keep in mind, if you feel hungry but dense protein does not sound appealing, then its probably head hunger and time for the tea, water, walk, crossword puzzle, video game or some other activity besides eating. Also have a few "go to" items that don't do a lot of damage. I eat grapes, mini cucumbers or those mini sweet peppers as snacks.

Check in and let us know how you are doing. YOu are going to get through this.   Diane

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Hey Ann, I agree with Elina and Diane on their suggestions.  Some protein snacks that might appeal more are string cheese, or a few almonds or other nuts.  For me, when all else fails, I have something to drink, as I get ill if I eat and drink at the same time.  Have something that feels like a treat - decaf coffee with  a little sf hot chocolate in it; a cup of your favorite herbal tea; light lemonade - whatever appeals and won't increase your guilt - and savor it.  I have a cup of decaf with hot chocolate almost every afternoon, as a built in part of my plan, and it really satisfies that desire to treat myself.  It's a lifesaver when I have the urge to start grazing, and usually, by the time I've finished the drink, the urge to eat has passed and my mind is on something else. You are not alone here.  We all mess up at times, and we all have moments we want to dive into the food.  Just the fact that you posted here, rather than giving in, shows you have the strength and desire to move forward.  So far, maintenance has been more work than the weight loss phase, but there are moments, hours, days, weeks where it is easier, so don't despair and fear that maintenance will be awful - it's not.  It just takes being prepared and mindful.  Checking in here daily has been such a wonderful source of support for me.  I don't feel judged, and when I'm struggling, others gather around me and their caring gives me renewed strength.  Consider yourself loved and {{{Hugs}}} sent!  Mary

There's not much I can say that has not already been said, but I know that once you have recognized and admitted the problem, you are half way there.  It is half the battle.  It creates a place of accountability for you where you can report in with your daily weight and let us know how you're doing.

I really just wanted to say that you are not alone, as you can see by the responses to your post.

I am just a month ahead of you and know all too well of what you write about. The fear of weight gain is very real and scary! I went through a period very similar to what you describe not too long ago. I came to the conclusion with some wonderful guidance from Elina about some of my core beliefs about diet and life style where eating was concerned. I'd like to share that epiphany with you:

I came to understand that I had a core belief that since I was at goal it was okay to indulge in "off program" foods. For me that meant carbs of the baked good nature - cookies in particular. Well, I was seeing creep and I began to have "out of control" moments. What I've had to do is change my core belief. It is not okay to have these things with the regularity I was. I have replaced that belief with the belief that to maintain my new weight I must eat properly to keep my weight where it is. It is a subtle difference, but very powerful for me. Because I've made this thought change I have a lot more control over food. I can look at a cookie and ask myself if the cookie is going to help me stay at goal.The answer is no.

I also continue to track all my food, weigh, measure and have made new water goals for myself. I had slipped a bit in the water department - getting barely 8 glasses a day. Now my daily intake is up to about 96 oz of plain water. This seems to help me with my urges to eat, too. They are pretty non existent these days.

You are not alone, by any means. We all struggle with these issues all the time. I think what you are going through is a normal part of early maintenance. Be calm. Stay on top of things and it will get easier. I had a couple days that I felt panicked and scared, but the more I took control and did what I knew was right, the stronger I became. It's nice to be back in the driver's seat. I know you can be there, too.

Ann, as you can clearly tell from all the responses, we are all right there with you! You are not alone in any of this: the fear, the shame, etc. I don't have much new to add, but I really agree with Diane...try to take some of the emotion out of it--you are dealing with your own particular demons and there's no right or wrong about it--it just is. And I also agree with when she said to make some modest goals for yourself. Sometimes when it all seems too much, trying for perfection is not reasonable.

If you are eating 4 oz of dense protein at least twice a day, you are probably very close to 60 grams of protein--I believe there are 7 grams of protein per ounce of chicken, for example. So one portion of chicken would give you almost half, so you may not be as far off your goal as you think.

As for snacks, maybe make the goal to eat 2 or 3 of them a day at certain times and make a list of things that you are okay with. I make myself hot chocolate (cocoa, skim milk, splenda) for a frequent, very filling afternoon sweet treat, especially when it's cold. Raw veggies with a little light dressing for dipping, string cheese, roasted seaweed (not everyone's cup of tea but it TOTALLY satisfies the salt/crunch chips craving for me), sunflower or pumpkin seeds in the shell, jerky,...any of those work for you? Maybe even start by eliminating one of your carby snacks and substituting something more sleeve friendly...

Most of all, remember that this whole thing is a process...none of us will ever really be done, so we just have to find ways to make it work for us. And that takes some experimentation and patience--and some mistakes. We're all here for you!!!

Lizanne

*hugs* Ann - this is such a journey with no goal line.

You have to get to the bottom bottom bottom line thing that is most bothering you. I went through this at Christmas and the problem was so damn simple it made me laugh. I didn't want to deal with my middle brother. So, guess what? I didn't. I told family members who understand that I am not strong enough to deal with my brother. If I have to spent a moment in front of him, I will eat an entire cheesecake (I could do it too)

Fear of failure is a common thing for us former fatties. We worked on how many diets and exercise programs that failed? But, what many people walking this journey don't understand is that many of us also fear success. We don't know what it feels like to succeed, but we do know what it feels like to fail. And, even though failure sucks ass, we would rather go to that negative place than have to face down success because failure is comfortable - easy.

Being as obstinate as it sounds like you are being about how you are eating - I'm guessing something emotional is getting in the way of your success. I don't know what's got your undies in a bunch, but you have to figure out what the core problem is. Then you have got to face it. Find a solution to it. Then - LET IT GO.

I am not trying to judge you. I hope you know that. I just feel like you need to face the emotion that is causing you to feel like a failure. It might be as simple as stress. It might be jealousy, maybe you got your feelings hurt over something. I don't know. Figure it out.

Good luck.

Hi!

You are not alone.  And you are strong and will get through this.

  I eat 6 times a day and drink in between.

It was good for me to read this right now as cannot sleep and am thinking about bread and all those good things.  But as it is 1am and I KNOW how bread makes me feel have been eating chicken instead.  However I am still LUSTING after the bread.

  Am not sure if we will ever get over using food for however we used it before surgery but I do know that this tool that we have been given was hard won and I know that both of us don't want to say that food ' won. ' 

  So hang on in there.

Together, all of us, will take this one day at a time.  And if we have to go to bed, or lock the fridge, or go for walks after we have done the walk, than that is what we will do.

  We are stronger and smarter  than a cookie or a piece of cake.  It is true.