Here I Am

I have been traveling for work, and will be gone a week over Christmas.  Eating feels hard, and out of control (for me).  Not into the sugar, but  resenting weighing-measuring-recording for sure.  Feeling hungry.  Eating too many carbs.  I know what I need to do, I swear, but I am a petulant child stamping my foot.  Haven't had this happen in a long time!  I don't want to post when I feel like this.  Can't be my normal cheery self.  Food is calmer now, but I am worried about next week.  We will be out of the country - I have my phone fixed for international and can keep logging.  I'm struggling but I don't want to lose my seat at the table!  I believe in surgery and I believe in the work of getting right with food.  I just get discouraged sometimes that it continues to be a challenge.  We are staying in an apartment and the girls (our grown daughters) have agreed to cook if we buy groceries.  That should be better than so much eating out.  I will come back refreshed and refocused.  I will keep logging.  I will not cut myself off.  I cannot do this by myself.  Thank you.+

Hello Happy!

I've missed your posts and have wondered where you'd gone to.  I'm so glad you're back.  I can totally appreciate and relate to everything you're saying.  Sometimes our old behavior just rears its ugly head as if to say "I'm still here - you can't get rid of me that easily!"  I'm sorry you're going through that.  Remember though, that this too shall pass.  Soon you'll feel better and this will have been just another opportunity to see that you're able to get back up no matter what!  You're THAT strong!

You don't know this, but you've been a great help and influence on my success as a sleever.  You helped me articulate my addiction to food - to carbs in particular.  You taught me how to accept what I cannot control, and make clean eating my only goal.  Thank you for that.

I hope you have a great holiday and come back "refreshed and refocused."  If for some reason you're still feeling down upon your return, I'm pretty certain many of the people on this board whom you've helped (possibly without even knowing it, like me) with your amazing posts will be around to support you.   

My best to you!

Fiona

Thanks, Fiona!  I haven't been gone as much as lurking.  You are right.  I know that at work, I have to remind myself that nothing lasts.  Not the good days or the bad.  It's true overall, that's for sure.

Thank you for your support.  I do really need it.

know that you are not alone....

Thank you!  That is very important for me.

Hi Happy!  So glad you posted - I've missed hearing from you.  This food stuff can stink and, at times I think we all feel resentful that we can't eat like normies.  But posting here was the best thing you could do.  If we are openly honest, we can't pretend that all is well or wallow in our negative feelings and eat more.   Sounds like you are recognizing some things that make it harder, and making good plans, such as having the girls cook for you.  You do have control over the food you buy for them to prepare.  Good for you!!!  Keep posting and remember you are not doing this by yourself.  We are all here for you and for each other.  You have my cell number, so call if you need to {{{{{hugs}}}}}  Mary

Thanks, Mary!!  I will keep posting - that's what I meant about keeping my seat at the table.  I don't want to fade away because that's not good for me!  Really, thank you for being there.

Happy - I too am so glad to hear from you. I am in a similar place right now in my head. I want to eat like everyone else. Of course pre-surgery I did that and look at how that turned out. I am in Mexico now on vacation and have had fish tacos, nachos, cheese and crackers, all stuff I would not usually touch at home. But I don't feel in control right now.

As the earlier posters said, you have helped many of us on our journey with your insight and honesty. I'm glad you came back, because we all face similar challenges and are here to help one another. No one gets this like another VSGer. Enjoy your trip, enjoy your family, and relax a little with the food stuff while you are away. 

Thank you, Judy.  I haven't been gone as much as just lurking.  I appreciate all your encouragement.  Enjoy Mexico!  It's one of my favorite places.

I had a bad couple of weeks right after Thanksgiving. I finally sat down and forced myself to figure out what was bugging me. Stress? Family? Friends? Kids? What?

I came down to a few simple things that were gnawing at me. I then made of list (I'm a list person) so that I could work on each thing that was bothering me and scratch it off my list.

This week has been wonderful. I feel calm and more in control even though I have people coming to my house for Christmas and my daugther asked me if I felt strong enough (WLS wise) to make cookies this year. You know what? I do. I don't know how well I'll do with the cookies, but getting rid of, or mentally handling the things that were bothering me helped a lot.

You got this Happy.