Daily Maintenance Weigh In - Sunday 12/16

Good morning. Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend.

Today's weight 134.4

So high drama around our house and I'm at a loss. I adopted our daughter from foster care (this before I met my husband who has now also adopted her). She has some contact with her birth Dad who is a nice enough guy just not able to maintain a stable home. but no contact with her birth Mom. Problem: birth Dad and birth Mom's brother are still friends. Somehow birth Mom has gotten our address and started sending our daughter letters and gifts. Daughter is conflicted (as a lot of adopted kids are, but more complicated with older adoptions). She doesn't really want to deal with birth Mom's drama, but doesn't want to tell her she never wants to hear from her again either.

Any ideas?

Good morning everyone.

Back up to goal.  That means two pounds up.  YIKES.  Salt of course.

Mom, I have no suggestions.  Other than treating all the parties concerned with respect and dignity.   This is a hard one.

 

Mom, what a hard place to be in, especially around this season.  I wish I had words of wisdom to share, but this is tough.  I would just keep making it clear to your daughter how much she is loved by you and your husband and that you will always be her safe place no matter what she chooses to do about this situation.  I would also seek the advice of a good therapist to help all of you navigate this treacherous route.

 

I am 105 even today.

138.7, ate clean but salty yesterday.. 

Mom, sorry you & your daughter are having to go through this emotional weirdness.. I agree with counseling, and perhaps seeing if your daughter wants to write some "letters" to her birthmom, not to send.. but to get her feelings out.. Sometimes that can help, and it may be something that later she can write a real letter to her in a way that walks the line of cutting ties to stop the life-intrusion, with the least possible pain for her.

174.6, up from 172.2 yesterday - but I spent 12 hours on my feet yesterday.  The dogs are sore.

 

Mom,

So sorry for the drama.  I have to agree with Elina - the only thing you can do is to let your daughter know that you love her unconditionally and that whatever she decides to do you are there for her.  Just make sure that she feels no pressure to choose between anyone or forced to make a decision to engage someone shes not comfortable with one way or another.  Being torn between people is pure hell in my experience.

Okay, Mom, take this for what it's worth. My nephew is adopted and he knows his birth mom. Here's what my SIL and brother did. They basically told my nephew that he is their son, and for that reason, they will support whatever decision he makes when it comes to his birth family. They made sure he completely understood that he is not alone in this and never, ever will be (even when he turned 18 - because sometimes adopted kids tend to feel like they are "on their own" at 18). They also told him to do or say whatever is comfortable for him. If his mom and birth mom are in the same room, give the birth mom a hug if he wants. When he was younger, he wanted to send his birth mom Christmas presents and my SIL took him out to pick her something special every year. When he got to the point in middle school that he didn't want to talk to his birth mom, his parents supported him in that too.

The key to it was that they had to basically give him step-by-step examples of how they planned to support my nephew every step of the way. They explained to him that it wasn't about how they felt, or the birth mom felt. The only thing that mattered was how my nephew felt and their job as his parents was to support him - no matter what.

They even did some role playing so that my nephew could feel more comfortable talking to his birth mom on the phone and seeing her.

You are awesomesauce, so I know you'll figure it out.

134.0 again today.  Hope it doesn't go any lower.

Mom, it sounds as though your daughter knows the limits she wants to impose on her birth mother's contact.  I would suggest you help her clarify them and have her write a letter to the birth mom.  What's acceptable contact to your daughter?  No gifts, one gift on b'day and Xmas but nothing else, letters X times a year? It's fine for her to say that she doesn't want any contact right now, too.  You may have to run interference between daughter and birth mom for a while until birth mom understands limits are limits.  These situations are always hard but I know you and your daughter will handle it with diplomacy and compassion for all parties.

123.0.

Mom, your situation is difficult. I think consulting professional help is the best for all involved. Good luck!