I'm in emotional distress

I'm struggling emotionally right now.  My dad, who is 90, has been ill for 3 weeks, and he's 3 hours away.  I've been down to see him twice - just got back last night.  Also, during this last visit, someone I trusted implicitly, turned on me in a vicious way and I've been reeling ever since.  I am just eating my usual food and not turning to food for comfort, though a couple of times when I've eaten, I have felt nauseous after.  This is so hard, but I am determined that when my hunger returns and food calls my name for comfort, as I know it will, to resist.  I am talking things out with my DH and a close friend, as well as looking at my side of the street to see my part in this issue and own it.   One of the last things she said was that I'm a loser who couldn't keep Ding Dongs out of my mouth, of course referring to needing surgery to address my weight issue.  I know that she is hurt and angry too, so I am trying very hard to look at the message and not the vile words and deal with that, but I have to admit I am terribly hurt and feel betrayed.   

I am so sorry you are going through this, especially around the holidays.  What the person said to you is inexcusable and quite hurtful.  You are clearly being the better person for trying to understand the underlying issues involved and owning your part in this drama.  Staying focused on acting rather than reacting and keeping grounded and mindful is always a hard but worthwhile goal.  You will get through this too, you will be successful and you will learn that you have more strength and power over food now than you ever thought possible.  Succeeding with keeping your eating under control in this difficult situation will give you more confidence in your ability to do this next time.  Every time you go through a trial by fire you have two choices, you can either burn up and learn that you are weaker than you thought, or you can survive and get stronger.  You might even learn some very important lessons about yourself and your eating from all of this.  The fact that you are journaling this here, shows me that you are choosing strength.  I am proud of you, really proud. 

Thanks so much Elina.  Your support and words of wisdom mean a great deal to me!

You deserve a huge pat on the back for how you have dealt with these situations so far. Elina is right, you are choosing strength rather the old habits. We all have a fat lady within who delights in the opportunity to draw us back in and you are doing everything in your power to shut her up. Good for you.

I know how difficult it is when an aging parent is ill. It messes with your mind, terribly. Shortly after we suddenly lost a daughter a few years ago my grandmother died and my mother got very sick and then suffered a stroke (thankfully it turned out to be minor). I was terrified. My folks are 84 now and my dad was hospitalized this summer, same thing. I will pray for you, your dad, and this situation. Keep up the good work on staying mentally and physically healthy.

Sue

Thank you Sue.  I am trying to stay strong and work through this whole mess.  I am fighting the old tapes that are telling me what a terrible person I must be, blah, blah, blah.  Reminding myself that I am not perfect and never will be, and I made some blunders in this situation, but I am still a good person.  It's hard to change old habits, but I must if I am to move forward. 

Thanks for the prayers.  I will keep you and your dad in my prayers as well!

Mary

Good for you!  We all say things we don't mean when we are hurting and I pray this is all that happened between you and your friend.  It sounds as if you are dealing with things well, as difficult and hard as it is under the cir****tance.  

I don't think you are a loser at all, and I doubt anyone *****ally knows you does as well.  Be proud of all that you have accomplished, both physically and emotionally.  Take strength in DH and cling to those who love and support you.

I have been going through some family drama of my own this past week.  I know the temptation is still there to take comfort in food.  I have been fighting it.  If i can do this, so can you.  Its not our hurts that define us anymore, its how we deal with them.  Just keep that in mind as well as that if you do make a bad choice her or there, thats all  it is - a bad choice.  Its an opportunity to make a better choice next time.

Thanks Rob for your encouragement.  I know in my head that I'm not a loser, but the emotional part of me still sometimes feels like the little lost girl who turned to food when she didn't know what else to do and felt she was less worthy than others.  I like what you said about our hurts not defining us, but how we deal with them.   I am trying to deal with this hurt by allowing myself to feel the feelings, and not trying to numb myself with food, to get to the other side.  I've gone through enough in life to know that the old saying "this too shall pass" is true.  I won't always feel this way.  It just sucks right now.  I am also sorry to hear your have been going through some family drama too, but glad that you have been fighting using food.  It is this very kind of struggle that can make us stronger. 

"I'm a loser who couldn't keep Ding Dongs out of my mouth,"

Only a loser would say something like that. It shows she's ignorant at best. I cut people like that out of my life. There are plenty of people who can give you constructive criticism and support to put up with people who are nasty and take their own issues out on you.

Thank you so much.  I know those words were said from being hurt.  Were they ok?  No.  I don't know what the future will hold with this relationship, but it's a life long one that has meant a lot to me.  I think that's why I'm so hurt.  She is generally a caring, giving, and supportive person, but when she feels wronged, she lashes out.  I am still sorting through my feelings.  I also have to realize that I wasn't perfect either and need to own my mistakes, which I will do in a letter when the time is right.  I do know though, that if there is any kind of reconciliation between us, I will never have the same level of trust, and the relationship will be much less close.  As I work through my feelings without numbing them with food, I am starting to feel a little better.  My stomach doesn't get tied up in knots up as easily or as often, and I'm able to focus on other things more.  I will get through this and be a better person for it.  Everyone's support here has helped so much.  Thanks!! 

I am so very sorry that you are going through such a hard time right now.

Huge kudos for you for not turning to food at this time.  Well done you.