Trying to get back on track after a summer of tragedy

I had been doing very well, was really focused on my diet and was losing steadily and then, on July 12, 2012, my world crashed down when my best friend killed himself.  I have literally never felt such pain in my life and after about 4 days of eating almost nothing (and vomiting everything I did eat), everybody around me was pushing me to eat so I started eating, and eating, and eating...  Mostly junk food, candy, cookies, I just didn't care.  And in 16 weeks I gained nearly 20 lbs.  And my sleeve expanded a lot.  

I'm not here for sympathy, I'm here for some public accountability because I'm so ready to dive into the fancy chocolates I bought for Thanksgiving when I was in Canada, but I am trying to stop myself.  

I re-started my diet with a liquid protein diet on Thursday and have already lost 8 lbs (see ya water weight!) and now it's time for the hard weight loss, the real fat loss.  And I'm hungry  - mostly in my head, my grief wants candy, but also in my stomach.  So it's been hard, but I need to let my sleeve shrink back down and treat food like the addiction it is and not let it control me.  At least I found a protein shake that doesn't make me puke - I blend one scoop of Unjury chocolate with one scoop of the HMR 120 chocolate shake mix, 12 ounces of 1% milk and about a cup of ice.  It really cuts down on that nasty whey protein aftertaste that I absolutely HATE!!!  I know it's higher carb than some recommend, but carbs have little effect on me as long as I keep my total calories under 1000 I will keep losing.  

My only comfort during this weight gain has been the fact that if I had never had my sleeve, I would probably weigh about 350 or more by now instead of 221.  And I would have gained 40 pounds instead of 20 this summer.  

Those very difficult situations are when many of us turn to comfort foods.  Food is still my first go-to thought and while I'm getting better at coping differently the more emotionally turbulent the situation is the harder it is for me not to plunge into the food coma.  

It sounds like you've got your plans and you will be fine.  Just make sure you don't forget about self-comfort either, just not food related. Be strong with yourself around the food-comfort but treat yourself with respect and care, especially now. 

I am so sorry about your friend.  It's hard to make a lot of progress when we feel so emotionally devastated.

If you are feeling addicted to food (or even if you're not), get rid of all the stuff you don't want to eat - give it away, throw it away, it doesn't matter.  Pour dishwashing detergent on top of it.  Do whatever it takes to stay away from it, because it doesn't help anyway, right?

My experience is that my hunger abates if I keep my carbs low-ish.  Wheat and corn make me ravenous, no matter how big my stomach is.  I'm sure you will get back to a better place, hunger-wise.

Hugs to you - I really do feel bad for what you're going through.  It's hard to make sure that comes through in writing. 

So very sorry to hear of your loss. I lost a dear nephew to suicide and a couple of other friends. There is nothing worse and the only thing that really eases the pain is time. So remind yourself that it doesn't do you or your loved one any good to eat off plan food. Dedicate your health to the memory of your friend and try to think of your healthy habits in those terms.

And add a bit of unweetened coco powder to the shake - takes away the icky. my hubby likes unsweetened coconut milk in his shakes and it adds fewer calories than milk but tastes good.

You will get through this tough time and we are all pulling for you. check in and let us know how you are doing. diane

So sorry for your loss.  The death of a loved one is so hard to begin with, but when it is suicide, it makes it that much harder.  I'm sending out hugs and good vibes to you!

Luna, I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I had some words of wisdom that would take away the pain (and chocolate) but you know that only time can heal this wound.  I'm glad you have refocused before it got out of control. Try to concentrate on getting better physically and emotionally. Getting your health back is a great way to do this. Great big cyberhugs to you. I've missed you around here...

Deb