It's been four years

My 4 year anniversary of my surgery was last Monday. I wrote a bit about it in my blog today but not the typical anniversary post.

For the typical stuff:

I'm mostly maintaining my weight. I'm no long a size 2 but size 4 is still damn small. I still have a normal BMI too. The hardest part is that I'm injured and can't work out so it's hard to maintain that calorie deficit that I did in the early days when I could eat 2000 calories a day and not gain.

But mostly it's been easy. I feel like a normal person now who sometimes struggles with weight issues and working out and sometimes doesn't. I'm not starving all the time like I was pre-op so I am in control of my food and my choices now.

The hardest part is the mental issues ... trusting myself and loving myself and listening to my body. I work on that all the time but obsessing over what I eat, only allowing myself to eat from a limited pallete like in the early days... not so much.

Here's the blog post:

http://fattyfightsback.blogspot.com/2012/09/four-years-comes -with-whimper.html

I so loved your blog post. 

The bane of my life right now is the idea that for the rest of my life i will have to have this obsession with every mouthful.  I hate it and yes I'm in the last 10lbs but it is making me crazy. 

The idea that somewhere in the not so distant future someone can invite me to coffee and my first thought will not be "a small non fat latte will totally throw my day off" is indeed the best news I've had in this journey in a long time.  Thank you for that. 

I will ask though, do you exercise several hours a day.  I've always had the impression that you are an exercise hound.  Not the normal couple of hours every other day but like at body building level? Which i guess would give you more freedom, in the food side of this.

Regardless, i loved your approach to this journey, at this time. We all have to learn to live with a sought after normal.  You seem to have comfortably found yours.  i love that. 

I have post-concussion syndrome. I can't workout AT ALL. It's kind of frustrating actually. I haven't been able to workout to any degree since last Nov.

So you can maintain your weight without exercise but it is definitely harder.

Hey M
Congrats on reaching the 4 year mark. You have done so well and were a super inspiration for me when I was looking into this. You are a leader and a pioneer and i love your blog page and this particular post.

Ya, first we get surgery and get ourselves physically normal but getting mentally normal about weight and food may be the real challenge. but you have done both and i am so glad for you. great achievement.  diane

 Happy Surgiversary! I read your blog, it was great. Thanks for the insight.

heather

 Awesome blog! Thanks for sharing! I also feel the same about not wanting to obsess over food for the rest of my life....I have been maintaining fairly well by just listening to my body's hunger cues and also allowing myself frequent "non-healthy" choices as part of my overall diet. Sometimes I feel a little out of control and that panic of re-gain and feeling bad about myself starts to come back, but it is fleeting.

 Hey Marie, job well done!  Meeting you had me want to be more athletic. Thanks for inspiring me!

Hi Marie,

Loved your blog post. You have always been an inspiration to me. I hope your post-concussion syndrome is beginning to resolve itself. You are such a voice of reason, inspiration, and have always been a wonderful role model.

Congratulations on a successful 4 years!!


Gail

Your blog/posts/advice and info have always been a huge & refreshing asset around here. I really appreciate everything you write, and the realism of it all. Finding balance and truth for ourselves should be the goal, best wishes to you for your PCS healing!

Big congratulations and thanks for sharing!

Continued success!