Conflicted about a change

I haven't been around much lately due to work travel, so I apologize.  But I wanted to stop in today to vent, share, commiserate, grovel, seek support... all of the above.

After much consternation, I am changing my maintenance range.  I initially reached my goal weight of 145, set my maintenance range as anything less than 150 (which kept me at a healthy BMI) and was happy as a clam.  Started running regularly and really enjoy that.  Did a few races, set some goals, met those goals.  Decided to add weight training to my regimen to tone and build lean muscle mass.  And like many who do so, I added a few pounds of muscle, am chipping away at my body fat and have lost a few more inches (one on my waist and two on my hips).  So good stuff, right?  WELL, not exactly.  I'm up several pounds.  At first I was in denial and thought it was water weight.  But after 6 weeks of this, these pounds appear to be here to stay.  

My trainer is really happy with this because of the aforementioned lost inches and bodyfat.  But for me, this is conflicting.  Partially because adding pounds makes me feel like 5 could turn into 10, 20 or more really fast.  And partially because I'm now back at an overweight BMI and I have always been one of those people who insisted on losing 100% of the excess weight and keeping it all off.  So this flies directly in the face of that.  I weighed in at 154.2 this morning and have decided to make my new maintenance range anything less than 155 (surgeon's original goal).

The flip side (my rational mind does exist!) is that BMI is not always a good measure of health and fitness.  I feel like I fall in that category.  I'm wearing size Small and 6.  I am exceedingly healthier than I was before, including strength, cardiovascular, bloodwork, ability to move, energy levels, etc.  And in reality, the added pounds are muscle, so that's undoubtedly different than adding pounds of fat.  My hips to waist ratio is in the healthy category for the first time in my life.  And I feel fantastic.  I ran 8 miles this morning!

But I also feel like I failed in some way.  I feel like another statistic of VSGers who didn't maintain 100% EWL.  I don't want to feel this way, but I can't help it.  Normal?  Not normal?  Rational?  Not rational?

Is the scale really just a number? 

Well, you can join all of the thousands of athletes that are competing around the world in the overweight category. America is all screwed up and has this back wards. We will label someone who falls within a "normal" weight and say 25-28% body fat as "norma" - go them!!

But, we will label someone who falls slightly outside that "normal" range as "overweight" even with a 20-22% body fat because they have significantly more MUSCLE mass????  You can see the problem with this. Most athletes are clinically overweight. Over some pre-determined, arbitrary, non-scientific classification.

I think most of us here have a logical side to us that can see this problem, but we are all also formarly obese emotional people who have delt with these labels for too long to accept the rational logical reasoning.

Honestly, I dont know if I will ever see a normal BMI in my life, but I'd happily settle for being overweight if I could slip on a size 6 and go run 8 miles.

You have lost 100% EWL. What exactly do you have left to lose???  Muscle? If you think about EWL - excess weight.....you are extremely fit, have an above average body composition...so there isnt any excess left to lose. The scale is a number...and for the most, means nothing in the grand scheme of things.


I think it'll be hard to deal with for a while, but eventually, it'll bother you less and less. Just keep running on -  I'm following close behind you!

 Very well said!

 Very valid points!  From a trusted source (you!)!  Thanks for helping me stay sane about this!!

And I'm right behind both of you.

I have used the fat% method to determine if I gaining muscle or fat. I dont go in for the BMI because as stated above it gets quite skewed with athletes.

Do you know your body fat%?

donna

Body fat is 25... would like it to be lower, but am not going to be a slave to it (hopefully)!

As you are discovering.. the scale isn't a good measure of anything once you aren't obese any more.

But,  yeah, that's rational and we aren't always rational about our weight. Today I went clothes shopping and I found I'd gone up a size in my pants. I wasn't surprised. I know I've put on weight in the middle since I hurt my head and can't work out. But it was still horrible to have that number there in black and white. 

So I'm whining to my daughter about it and she rolls her eyes and says "but you're still a stick."

It's hard to argue with that. Plus, I don't look in the mirror any more and think 'I MUST GET  PLASTIC SURGERY!" or "I have the skin of an 80 year old."

So it's a bit of a pudge, nothing someone my age who had never had a weight problem would blink at vs. being able to say I've lost more than 100% of my weight and have 17% body fat. IOW, it's a tradeoff. When I'm thinner my skin hangs and I don't like that but I don't feel like a failure ever. When I'm fatter, I look better overall but I feel like I can't look certain people in the eye.

 I'm sorry that your head is still bothering you. Is it getting any better?


gail

No, it's getting worse. Work has gotten a lot noisier. I'm seeing a neurologist next week to start some sort of drugs.

 I am so sorry to hear this. I hope the neurologist can figure something out for you. Take Care.