pity party

Okay, in one way I feel a bit sheepish posting this, but after thinking about it, I thought perhaps it would be best to just get it out and be done with it. The only folks I know who might understand my "issue" are here. I appreciate the indulgence. Here goes.....

I was over run with pretty damn strong feelings today about going up a pound over night. Logically, I get it. It happens. No big deal. I know I had a great and challenging workout yesterday and I kicked some butt! I followed that with mildly intense cardio for 1/2 hour. So I know it's water weight. Logic isn't the issue.

It's that old panic feeling of seeing the scale move up, rather than down, when I've had a great food day and exercised and feel great. It's a deep rooted feeling - deep in my core and it feels sad. It's that feeling that used to give me an excuse to eat to soothe myself. I feel it very strongly today.

Perhaps this is a common feeling early in maintenance? I'm feeling a bit like an insipid little freak having an emotional morning because I went up a pound. Embarrassing.

So, I'm having a little pity party this morning wishing I were a bit more like some others here I can think of who have a hard time stopping losing weight when they hit goal. Frankly, I'd like to have a bit of cushion rather than be hanging around the top of my goal range.

Oh, FYI: total cals yesterday 1262, workout: 1 hour 20 minutes burned approximately 500-600 cals.

That's my story today. I'm not in danger of going off on a food frenzy, but I sure am feeling poopy and sorry for myself. Hmmmm..... guess I need to pull up the big boy pants and get on with it.

I am almost two years out, and I still have those "pity parties" even though I am doing things right. Those panicky feelings are just under the surface and there are some days, that I have to put on my big girl panties and continue on with the program. Sometimes, I wish I was a lower weight, so that minor swings wouldn't bother me as much, but to be quite honest, I'm sure that it would bug me, even I weighed 100 lbs.

I think, because of our histories of being MO, that fear is always there, which is probably a good thing, so that we don't revert back to mindless or self-soothing eating again. Sometimes, when I am up, I can figure out why, other times, who knows? I do know, that if I don't weight train for a week or two, my weight drops a pound or two.

As long as you know that you are doing the right things, try to be gentle to yourself. ((Hugs))

Gail

I'm feeling poopy too. I have put on a few pounds of muscle from weight training... and now a few more from travel, having returned from a 4-day trip. Flying always makes me hold onto water weight. It sucks and I'm feeling sorry for myself today.

Boo hoo.

Trying to drink lots of water today, eat right and get out of this funk.

Kairk, I totally get you!

I'm at the high side of where I want too.. and the first couple days of being here I was in a total slump. I too would love to be doing this same scale bounce right around 140-143.. middle of my "range".. but it's just going to take time, and I STILL feel like what I want my eyes to see on the scale may not be what my body declares as healthy for me.. 

900 cal day yesterday, on track today.. just have to keep feeding myself well, moving and not fretting about the little scale dance I seem to be in right now. Same advice to you.. 

I got a teaser I think that really set me up for unrealistic goals.. one that was not maintainable right now at my current make-up.. after my course of several weeks sick with a fever, I dipped all the way down to 138.. of course that made me insanely happy (even though I was so sick I was dragging myself in and out the Drs office 2x in one week..) So, yeah.. you are not a freak, the person celebrating the low numbers on the scale while sweating and on meds for bronchitis.. that's a freak!!

 I was right there where you are a couple of weeks ago.  This happens and you are perfectly OK.  You did exactly what I did, post on here and let he voices of experience and reason talk you down.

I realized that at that moment I was terrified by my weight.  I just knew that 193, would become 195, then 200, etc.

I needed people to remind me that I have new tools and techniques for managing my weight.  A few pounds here and there is not the end of my new healthy lifestyle.  It's only a problem if I let it become one.

It also helped me to realize that goal is not a specific number, but a healthy range and a healthy mindset.  I almost felt lie a failure when the scale went back up and I was no longer " At Goal".  It's lie those 1 or 2 pounds defined me.

Dont let it freak you out - I think we have all felt the way you do.  I am learning to not be afraid of my weight.  I think stuff like this is why my support group leader said she thought the transition to maintenance was the hardest part of the journey.

There is no reason to be sheepish about it... Have you not seen my whining in my daily maintenance weigh in's?

Coming from the girl that thought there was no way she'd ever hit her doctor's goal of 145... Then dipped under (I'm one of those people you were talking about) and now can't seem to wrap my head around the fact I don't get the satisfaction of watching the numbers on the scale go down anymore.

I feel like a brat most days when I whine about it, but I've decided I should probably get it out because this is a safe place to do it. I know the friends I have here understand because they've probably been there or can at least relate. This is a family (albeit a strange, kinda dysfunctional family... But family nonetheless.) and I know I have support here no matter what.

My newest stab at a coping strategy for not being obsessed with the numbers is running. I've been running for over a year at this point, but I decided to take it a bit more seriously and give myself goals and things to work on related to it. Maybe there is something you can use for new goals?

I could have written this post.  In fact I may just copy it and put it in a safe place to pull it out to read it.

I have gained 2-3 pounds and lost it again due, I guess, to water.

But when the scale showed a  + number I too freaked.  I thought that I had gained all 131 pounds back overnight.  Felt fat. Looked fat.

Failure, failure, failure.

It took some doing not to go back into the food soothing routine because everything in me screamed for comfort.

Fear!  Fear that I WOULD eat my way back up and up and up.

However when the scale went down again there was relief.  But the fear is always just behind the eyeballs.

We can do this.

Good for you for writing.

This is me to a T.

I am so scared of gaining it back.. I did it once, lost to 155, gained back to 280+.. of course in my logical mind, I know it didn't happen overnight and I could have stopped it if my mind was in a better place.. but still, those knee-jerk fears are just around the corner and I DO Not trust myself yet.. I can go from seeing myself fairly slim one day to seeing myself all pudgy and fat the next, and it's just my own warped mind-set that drives it..

we all totally get this. i can remember ranting about gaining a pound or maybe two when i had eaten absolutely nothing off program and to me it was totally inexplicable. if you read older posts you will find all the the usual suspects have gone through this. its so scary. eventually you will get used to it and gradually develop confidence in you ability to maintain your weight loss. its sort of like learning to swim. the first time water goes up your nose its icky and disconcerting but eventually you feel at home in the water.  

another day a couple of pounds will disappear with no explaination. its part of being a living creature.  

wouldn't it be great to be like our dogs and eat our food and then go run and have fun and not weigh ourselves and get all stressed??!!!     of course, one of my dogs would eat until she exploded it i let her.     diane

Here's how normal this reaction is: I am one of those you talked about that went way below goal. I want to gain back 5 pounds. And yet...an uptick on the scale still makes me nervous because I'm so afraid that I'll gain those 5 lbs back and then just keep on going.

Yeah, I know. I realize that makes me sound like a mental case. Honestly the fear of regain is probably a good thing to keep us on our toes but until we really start to believe we can manage this long term it's a bit more like a phobia than a normal fear.

Early maintenance is more of a mind-game than the loss phase. I'm convinced of it.