Need to talk to you guys...

I saw 169.6 today on the scale and nearly fell off.  My lowest weight ever as an adult was 165, for about a week and a half in my 20s.  I was pretty stable at 170-175 for 4-5 years before I relapsed into uncontrolled eating again.  Ugh.

Anyway!  My own personal goal of 160, chosen out of the air for what I thought was achievable is within my sights.  I have said many times I don't *really* have a goal weight, but a goal way of eating, long term.  I mean this in 2 ways.  I mean it as a promise to myself that I'm not going to starve and be hungry all the time just to weigh "X."  I also say that to try not to have such an attachment to the goal, and to keep the focus on clean eating, not on the scale.  It means I don't have any plans to add calories or anything after I hit this goal, but to continue following my food plan (with adjustments as necessary) and see where it takes me.  Because I'm really quite comfortable with how I'm eating right now.

OK.  Here's the question part.  I am shrinking out of my 14s.  I even got a size 10 skirt to zip up, but I couldn't breathe so that's for later.  But up until this point, I've been very cavalier about tossing clothes as I shrunk out of them.  I have a chair in the guest bedroom where I stack the "too big" clothes until I'm ready to take them to Goodwill (or, back to Goodwill!).  People talk about rebound weight gain, etc. and I got scared to get rid fo my 14s.  Should I save them for a while?  I don't mean everything, but the slacks I bought new for work?  I am having ANXIETY about trusting I will be long-term smaller than a 14.  If not the 14s, the 12s?  You get my drift.

Second, my girlfriend has been very, very supportive of my journey and how I look now.  I am super lucky.  But I have started reaching a size where other people are telling me to stop.  I usually take the tact of asking, "How much do you think I weigh?" and then staring them down until they answer or say "I don't know."  Then I tell them.  That is quite effective right now, because nobody hears "170" and thinks that's too small.  But I'm getting a little nervous as these comments increase, OR people stare at me like I have cancer or something.  I suppose this is very common, but it is disconcerting, as I don't like that kind of focus on my body *at all.*  What did you guys tell people?  I remember a great post of Elina's where the waiter in the restaurant told her not to listen to her friend, that she looked great. 

I don't think I'll get to 160 by my one-year surgiversary, but I really think I'm going to see it in the next couple of months.  I didn't always think I'd get here!  Not because I wouldn't try, but I just didn't know where my body would want to be, what was possible after a lifetime of abuse with food.  Thanks, guys!

My advice to you would be to get rid of the size 14 as I think you will not need them ever again.  I know it's a scarry thing to do, but with your dedication and mind set, I just don't see you regaining anything.  I understand that you have been down this road before and were able to maintain for many years and still regained your weight, so the idea that this time is different is scary.  It is hard to trust ourselves when we have proven untrustworthy around weight so many times before.  I get it.  Here is what else I get, " This time really is different".  It took me a while to get my head wrapped around this, but I truly believe it now.   What makes this time different, is that when we have our weak moments, and we all will have them, the sleeve really carries us.  So unless you think that you are likely to become a binge eater, drink your calories, and stop watching your food intake completely; you are not going to gain the weight back.  Yes, some people have a slight bounce back, but it is totally within your power to determine if you will or if you will not accept the rebound.  I say, hold the size 12 s for a little while, but get rid of the 14.

As far as other people telling you that you are too thin, this started happening to me when I reached 140 lbs.  Remember, I am 105 now.  :)   You have to disregard them, they are not trying to be mean, they are speaking their truth, but they are not used to seeing you thin and it is disconcerting to them.  Ignore them.  Also, your weight will redistribute over the next year, and you will look better.  Just go with the process.  You have a great plan, just stick with it and trust yourself.

Thank you!  I have to say, I had a glimmer of the feeling that "this time will be different" when I had a "high calorie" day a week or so ago, where I ate out for dinner with out-of-town friends who took us to a very nice restaurant.  I threw caution to the wind (for me).  That means, I shared a fresh tomato salad and some shrimp from my girlfriend's shrimp-and-grits dinner and had maybe 1.5 ounces of the grits.  And my own order sauteed spinach.  And a third of a piece of bread with butter.  And a glass of wine!  At the end of the day, I still didn't break 1300 calories.  I've done worse in a day, believe me, but it made me have a secret hope that maybe it really would be different this time.  What was even better was that the next day, I was at 890 calories without really trying.  I'm not sure I could ever eat enough to maintain 273 lbs again.

Do you ever sleep?

I have a hard time sleeping when Alan is away.  I wear his t-shirts to bed, but it still doesn't fully help.  :(  I miss him.

I'm with Elina - let them go. Change your thinking patterns around your weight completely.

I had to fight the "fat" mindset of 'I always regain and it would be frugal to keep the clothes for if (my deep psyche actually meaning "when") I do'. Nope, not gonna do it. I have kept nothing that is too big except some baggy sweatshirts that I held on to because I loved wearing them big and baggy at my current size, not because I was thinking I'd be back in them someday.

On the losing too much thing, I started to get that while I was still in the obese category, because I got a little saggy in the face. It is starting to fill back out now, but it looked gaunt for a while. I've begun to think most of us get that - a little gaunt in the face while our bodies are still needing to lose some. It can really influence how people see us.

OK, I'll take the plunge!  I *hate* wearing baggy clothes.  People comment a lot less about my weight if I'm wearing clothes that fit, vs baggy stuff. 

I'm still overweight (not obese, thank goodness) and would still be overweight at 160 (BMI of 25.8).   My guess is that I wouldn't want to weigh less than 150, but we'll see.

You're right about the face.  I was gaunt, I plumped up when I did my pausing thing, and then got a little gaunt again on my next losing period.  I think I might get my body composition tested when I get to 160. 

 Toss Em!  I refused to keep any of my big clothes.  As soon as a size got too big, I donated them.  I have another batch to take next week.

I had a lot of people when I was at 220 and 230 telling me I was too thin, that I should stop losing.  I think its a perception thing with people who have known us at the large sizes.  They see us at the smalle sizes and it just doesn't compute in their brains.  I worried a lot about the "number" for goal.  Everyoe told me that I would know when I was there.  In my mind that was like telling a teenager that they would "know" when the time was right for a serious relationship.  How would you know?

For me, my body let me know by taking a really huge stall.  I literally just stopped losing.  My mind let me know I was ready by adjusting to the fact (after the fine folks on this board helped over a freak out or two).  I am happy, I am helathy, and the scale just doesn't matter any more, as obsessed as I was with it during weight loss.  I focus more now, like you, on making sure that I stay on my diet plan and have a more balanced diet.

My advice, listen to your body, don't stress over it.  Celebrate youre victories and trust in both yourself and your body to know whats best for YOU.  You have the education and tools you never had before to manage your weight, you jjust need to learn to trust yourself.

I should also point out that after I stopped stressing about weight, I lost another 4-5 lbs while trying to eat more and with my exercise limited to walking.  Go figure!

I have done this thing since March where I stall out for 3-4 weeks, then lose like mad, then stall again.  With not a whole lot of change in food or exercise.  Twice now I was pretty convinced I was done losing, but then it started again.  Even when I lost the first time, in my 20s, I was pretty much "done" when I reached 170, but woke up three months later and was sitting at 165, same food plan.  So...  I guess I'll see where this level of eating takes me.  I have lots of confidence I can eat more calories than I do now if necessary, so no fears of fading away or anything.

It is hard for me to trust that it is different this time, because *I* am not so different, you know?  I mean, I still have that monkey on my back, and I'm just beginning to see that the way I needed to eat to maintain 270+ pounds just isn't available to me anymore (and thank goodness).  Thanks for the reassurance!!

Like the others said, toss the baggy clothes. You are not going back there. I think it takes awhile for people to get used to the "new you." I had people telling me, I didn't look like I needed to lose anymore weight, 20-30 lbs ago. Now, I don't get that, because my weight has been stable for about 16 months.

Now, most people are used to seeing me, at a lower weight. Although, on a recent vacation, I had an old friend who hadn't seen me for several years and never saw me at my highest weight ever, tell me that I looked "gaunt." I was a bit surprised, because to me, I look anything but "gaunt." Just tells one, that people get used to seeing us a certain way and when we change, it takes awhile for others to adjust to the weight loss, as well as ourselves.

The others are correct, when they say that the weight will redistribute and you won't look as "gaunt." I didn't quite understand it, until it happened to me. It will also happen to you.

As far as rebound weight, I think that is more common with the RNY than with the VSG. Some regain of a few pounds may be normal, but anything more, is a return to former habits, according to the bariatric internist in my program. The RNY has some real metabolic and physiologic things that occur after the 18-24 month "honeymoon" period. We don't have that with the VSG.


Gail

Thank you, Gail.  I definitely think people just aren't used to seeing me look thin, and if I'm not fat, something's wrong!!

These past 10 pounds have come off my butt (not my thighs, unfortunately), which is so much better - my gf said the 10 pounds before *that* come off my face, kind of dramatically. 

And that's a good point about rebound.  I'm already past menopause so I hope I past all the dramatic declines in my metabolism for awhile.