Self Sabotaging

Hi!

I know that this has been discussed before but ask if you would please bear with me.

I have 10 ' last ' pounds to lose and so far, everyday this week have not been faithful to THE PLAN.    Not going over on calories ( trying to stick to between 800-900) and trying to stay below 50 on carbs, but eating things like pepperoni sticks 'for the protein' I tell myself but of course they are loaded with salt which then keeps the water levels up.


I have lost 131 pounds in 11 months and would very much like get to goal as know that will regret it is I don't.

How did you get past the ' It is ONLY 10 more pounds and look how much you have already lost so don't sweat it.'  alternating with ' you don't deserve to get to goal and like every other time you will fail at this too. '

Any help appreciated to thwart the mind games.

Lots of people go through this. But only you can decide you want to get to goal and then just do it.

Journal your food carefully if you are not. Get rid of the pepperoni sticks and replace them with healthier beef or turkey jerky that comes in lots of spicy flavors.

Write yourself a little motivational script to reread everytime you are tempted to go off plan. it should read something like  "I had major surgery and have worked very hard to get rid of 90 lbs (or whatever it is) and I am not going to let this crummy little pepperoni stick ( or other item) get in the way of my goal because I am nearly there. I will feel so great when I complete this weight loss that its worth forgoing this bit of food. Instead I will eat a cucumber and take a walk"

Its all up to you. Its your choice. You can do it.

diane

It's hard (and big congrats for what you have lost, btw!)

I think for me, I just had to have a laser focus till I hit my personal goal. I got burned so many times with the thinking of "don't sweat it, it's only xxx lbs.." For me, that tends to snowball, and those 5 become 25 awfully fast, and then it's on to the defeatist attitude of "this is impossible, might as well have xyz and try again tomorrow" which led to my regaining 100+lbs over a decade.. I ID'd all those bad thought spirals and just had to have a daily argument with myself to not go back there this time. Sometimes (many times) it's really useful to talk with a pro, especially if you find yourself with the "I don't deserve" thoughts a lot. That comes from a deeper place, and will always be there unless you pull it out and deal with it.

Early out- and still now, I had to get that off plan stuff out of the house, or out of sight. Once I got rolling for a week or two, those thoughts were easier to work through.. action=positive reinforcement=action, snowball effect. Lots of self-help books, some deep conversations with a caring person, and a lot of self-talk helped. 

Hold on tight, I am about to shake you a bit, but I think you can use it. :)

It is not about these 10 pounds. It is really about the rest of your weight loss journey, and how your attitude will determine regain. Now if that doesn't metaphorically smack you, nothing else will.

The truth is that maintenance gets harder with time, most regain happens in the 3-6 year time frame. It is precisely the thoughts, believes, and actions that you describe that lead to an eventual creep back of the weight. That is the bad news.

The good news is that you have full control of this and I am shaking you now, not when you have regained weight. You can make the necessary changes and prevent the problem before it even starts. A little fear can be a very good thing. It can motivate you to find a goal and reach it, and then find another goal and continue to pursue it. Those that do not have a maintenance goal are at a huge disadvantage in the long run.

Good luck to you in finding the motivation to change the thinking and beliefs that underlie this issue, I think you will need to do this not just for now, but in order to maintain your fantastic success story. Hugs to you. I hope I wasn't too blunt, but I think it was necessary.

I personally think that it comes down to "how much do you want it?"

For me, at 61, having been a dieter since I was 10 and never in my life getting to goal, this was the most important thing in my life.  I needed to feel that I had finally achieved what I set out to do. I had felt like a dieting failure my entire life. Admittedly I was a great dieter and exerciser but metabolic issues held me back from my goals.  This time around I felt that I had been willing to walk to a table, get on and ask someone to cut out much of my stomach.  If I couldn't get to goal after that, I would surely be the failure that I had been calling myself all my life.  That's just me!  I felt successful in so many areas of my life and needed this one so that I could relax the negative voices in my head.

At my 1 year anniversary I still had close to 20 pounds to go.  My most important question was "what do you want more, a party in your mouth, or goal?"  Somedays I clearly wanted that party in my mouth but ultimately the emotional need to get to goal was the most important.  When I got to my 2 year follow-up appointment I was down closer to 25 pounds.  My doctor was proud of me, and so was I.

Maintenance is a tough old bird as many will tell you.  I count everything. Calories, carbs, protein, fiber, fat etc as well as my exercise. I think that my exercise routine keeps everything else in balance because movement adds to my mental as well as physical health.  I am healthier than I have been at any point in my life since I was 7 years old and I'm actually quite proud of that!  I stay around 1000-1100 calories (low but my personal story), around 40 carbs, as much fiber as possible, protein between 70-90.

So you have to decide.  Do you want to literally sweat the last 10 pounds or do you perhaps want to say screw it and throw in your towel?  For me throwing in the towel wasn't an option because I think that making the push lined me up to do better in maintenance.  We all deserve to succeed and to be proud of ourselves.  There is a lot of help out there in unraveling the mind games.  OA is a free resource if you can't afford the luxury of a paid helpmate.  I personally read OH daily to see what successful people are doing.  I try to follow in their steps and ignore the rest.  I also attend support groups several times a month as well as going to Weigh****chers once a week. I want the lifetime accountability of stepping on the scale.  I know my leader would really question my emotional/physical well being if I started to regain.  I also have a group of WLS buddies that I exercise with at least 5x a week.  Me?  I'm a sick pup when it comes to food so I've built a big foundation for success.

What are you going to choose?

Thank you, Thank you.

I needed the admonishments and the 'smacks' and the words of wisdom.

Had the surgery when was 66 and now  67 and have had years and years of obesity and all the subsequent issues with it. Fortunately no co-morbities but the waves of mortification and humiliations that seem to come with the territory.

You are all right.

I have a choice.  

I keep a daily journal of food and exercise and I need to be completely honest about each and every mouthful.   

I have much to learn and so appreciate your caring words.

Moving forward. 

 You're in the right place.

What's your game plan? The more specific, the more likely you will succeed.

 It really is such a personal issue and experience. For me I went into my surgery picking my goal weight as a fairly reasonable but random number...middle of the healthy BMI range. Seemed doable..hell prior to surgery given my lifetime of FAILURE...I was going to be delighted to see anything below 200!

As I lost weight and my journey of both body and mind progressed...with both paid professional as well as kind OH folks...my idea about "goal" changed.

I hit the 160's...I was a size 8..my husband loved my curves...I was physically feeling terrific and I was also hitting the place where if I wanted those last pounds off..Man was I gonna HAVE TO FIGHT FOR THEM! Well...life as it often does threw me some pretty serious **** to have to deal with..and my energy for worrying about my weight was needed else where. My Willingness was gone elsewhere and that was OK!

For the first time EVER it wasn't ALL ABOUT THE SIZE OF MY ASS! Life existed beyond my FAT problems. IT was SO FREEING!!! I was Free to finally be actually WORRY FREE. Because see prior to WLS FAT was always my go to "I hate myself/I suck" mantra that I could always fall back on..when all else was going great..I could still always be a failure because I couldn't lose weight no matter what.

So I found myself at a crossroads..do I FIGHT for this GOAL or do I as others say "throw in the towel" ???

Well...I chose to be HAPPY and FOR ME in my journey..Success equated to finally accepting myself not as GOAL or FAIL but just to be ME. So I gave up the laser focus..I am a curvy, happy, successfully maintaining VSG'er! But I'm no longer a professional failed dieter.

I have maintained for a year now at 158-163.

I had WLS to stop the madness that was my life before VSG. I wanted CHANGE. This had to be DIFFERENT then all the times before. 

If 10 pounds is going to be life altering to you go for it.

Ask yourself some questions:

Will your clothes be all that different? For me it would have meant more $$..And I was broke at the time so...no incentive there..(for me)

Will you be able to maintain it once you get there?

How bad do you want it? How WILLING are you to fight for it? 

These are all personal decisions...and  really great place to ask.

This is the rest of your life..so its important to figure out!

Best of luck to you..which ever path you decide! 

Thank you.

These are certainly things to ponder.

I think though, that because I am very task orientated, that I choose to lose these last 10 pounds.  I know that maintenance is just the beginning though.

Alas, I am nowhere where you are with my attitude towards myself.  Yours is very admirable and something I will be striving for.

Thanks.

For me it wasn't about the weight loss, it was about the rest of my life, from Day 1 on.  The first appx 14 months I lost weight, yes, but I knew I had to change my eating permanently.  Or else, I figured, what would I do once the weight was off?  Look around and say, now what?  Jump back into the cake and ice cream? 

Not to say I've been perfect, far from it, but I'm on plan probably 98% of the time.  (With a little 5-week timeout for an experiment where I learned my lesson!)  So going out to dinner with a friend isn't a "special occasion" where I permit myself an indulgence.  Getting frustrated, or lonely, or pissed off doesn't mean I get to eat the feelings away (most of the time, again not perfect!)

What I'm saying is, it might help to re-focus your attention away from the weight loss - that takes care of itself - and towards a way of eating that you can live with permanently, while holding onto this wondeful gift (and hard work) you've achieved so far.