X-post: And I still walk sideways through turnstiles

About 6 months before my surgery, we went to Yellowstone. While we were in the area I finally met for the first time an online pal I'd been corresponding with for years. While visiting at her house, I broke one of her Adirondack chairs just from sitting in it. It was like one of those things that happens in a nightmare, except I was awake so I couldn't pinch myself and make it go away.

As someone who had been obese all my life I've had several experiences like this - I've broken a flimsy folding chair at church, and the plastic straps on those cheap beach chairs. As a result, I had become leary of sitting in anything that didn't look extra sturdy. Never sat on the arms of things, or on corners of furniture, or hoods of cars, or railings at the edge of decks, or any of the other many places that normal weight people think nothing of hoisting themselves. I've always evaluated skinny spaces, like between cars in the parking lot, and gone around if I didn't think I'd fit.

The other day I realized that I still think like that. I still avoid sitting on light chairs. I still move through small spaces as if I were fat. And as thin as I now am, I still walk sideways through turnstiles.

Maybe someday my mind will catch up.

I catch myself doing these same things. When I do notice it though I force myself to not do it. Turnstyles are a perfect example. When in UT. For my graduation we went to a local amusement park that has those tiny turnstyles I had to almost hoist myself over in the past. As I was walking up to it I thought, there is no way I am getting through that. Just then my mind clicked and I walked straight into it all confident. The ticket guy probably thought I was a freak but who gives a **** my skinny ass went right through!

 After reading this, I wanted to reach out and give you a big hug. Sometimes, I am still amazed, when I can walk between parked cars or have room left on the sides of a chair that I am sitting in. It does take time for the mind to catch up. The dietician in my support group said that it can take up to 3 years for the mind to catch up.


Gail

I still do the mental evaluation of: is this wide enough for me to walk through, sit on, etc.

Completely understand where you're at, just know you aren't the only one and these things take time. We'll get there Mom. We're just adjusting to the "skinny life".

I totally get it. I still don't think I can fit through tight spaces most of the time even though I can. The worst is, I still think my pants won't fit when I got to put them on. They just look too damn small. Oh well, at least we're in this boat together and have lots of great company!

I do the same thing with jeans. I hold them up and wonder, if they will still fit. I still do that.

Gail

we have all had experiences like this.  I have some painful memories as a fat child.

but the good news is that it gets better and you will adjust and be less and less haunted by those fat memories and habits. Takes awhile but it will happen. Some day you will part your car in a tight spot and realize you didn't worry about not being able to open the door really wide to get out.   Diane

 Oh, how I loathe those cheap plastic chairs.. I've collapsed a few in embarrasing ways. I still do these mental things, still think I'm much bigger than I am.. Patience and time is needed to get used to this new body, I keep telling myself this too.

I am with you, I used to do the same thing.  It is only in the last few months that I have noticed that I no longer do this.  It took almost three years. 

Whien I was teaching highschool, one day I sat on my desk during a lecture, well the whole desk made a creaking sound and then broke in half and I fell in the floor. The students were horrified, I looked at them and said, go ahead and laugh, that was funny, but I will never forget the humiliation, and even if thin wont sit on furniture.