I think this is a good thing, but it scares me a bit.

My weight is going up and I am now closer to 106-108 as a range rather than my 103-105 usual range.  However, there is no doubt at all that I have build muscle in the six weeks or so that I have been exercising with a trainer.  My arms and shoulders are quite a bit more defined and I have a four pack on my stomach.  I can feel my quads and my gluteus maximus getting much tighter.  My clothes look the same on me and I still wear the same size skinny jeans.  I took a close look at myself in the mirror yesterday before bed and had to conclude that the extra few pounds have not detracted from anything.  My trainer insists that my range will be closer to 110-115 when I am done putting on the muscle mass, this really freaks me out.  She tells me that I will look better in a bikini and will feel stronger and healthier and even sexier.  I am paying her a great deal of money to be right.  She is on vacation until next week but she has asked me to do certain exercises five days a week and to also go to certain classes at my gym.  Today, it's pilates and weight training, tomorrow it's just the elliptical.   The truth is that the weight is still scaring me, I know all the reasons it shouldn't but deep down it does.  I think my big fear is that if I ever stopped exercising, the muscle mass would turn to fat and let's face it, I have never exercised without stopping in my life.  The permanence of this decision is freaking me out a bit.  I even know that I could always go back to losing weight, but it just scares me and you guys are the only ones I feel comfortable telling all this too.  My RL friends are all weekend warriors and have never been fat.  I am going to push through the fear and keep going.

 I can definitely relate to what you are saying, and it is completely normal to feel that way...a lot of women are afraid to gain muscle, we are too worried about being skinny, not being fit and shapely.

I told my trainer from the beginning, to NOT make me bulky...because when I looked at her muscular shape, I knew that I didn't want that...she insisted that heavy weights would not due that to me, it is not my body frame, so far she is right...I continue to get more shapely, toned and healthy looking...I am also so much stronger.  I'm starting to really like it....however, even with that said, I kind of freaked yesterday when trying on a pair of jeans, they felt tight in the thighs, my first thought was that my thigh muscles are getting too big....LOL, logically, it is not true, my measurements and body fat are consistently less....and I had forgotten they hadn't been worn since being in the dryer...

Anyway, so far, my weight hasn't really gone up since the lifting, since I have been lifting all along my WLS journey ....but if it did, I am sure I will freak out too....it is normal to doubt the process, but keep with it...your scale weight is so low, that I'm sure that the increase is muscle and warranted for your frame...you will be able to tell, if it is fat and not muscle, both in measurements and clothing...and also, I understand the worry about re-gain later if stopping the exercise, that is true, although technically the muscle doesn't turn to fat..but we do lose the muscle mass quickly from what I've seen when I didn't work out for 2 weeks. But like you said, you can always go back to weight loss.

Hang in there. :)

I think you are right, it just seems that my body wants to puff up and be muscular.  I have build a ridiculous amount of muscle in six weeks.  I don't want to look like a body builder, it would not go along with my personality at all.  :)  But to be honest, I look better now than I did before I started to train and maybe my priorities will change as I continue to get stronger. 

 Elina, I have to say that I really admire the process that you are going through. Despite your fear, you are going through with this, and I find your actions commendable and admirable.  You are exhibiting the behavior behind the statement, "Feel the fear and do it anyway." Kudos to you!!

I understand the fear of bulking up, but women really don't bulk up very much, unless they are using steroids. I have been weight training for about 1.5 years and I haven't bulked up. My muscles are more defined and toned, but I can't always see them, due to the loose skin. My clothes are fitting about the same as they did last year, so I know that I haven't added bulk. I do have more of a butt, than I did before, but this is a positive thing. My  flat butt is mostly gone. My weight has stayed in a 2-3 lb  range, but I am in middle of a normal BMI, and have a larger frame, so I am fairly happy here. We always think lower is better and sometimes it is difficult to get away from that. 

The muscle mass will decrease, if and when, you stop exercising. I'm not sure that it turns to fat, but the muscles will decrease in size and tone. I understand your fear of the weight gain, but 110 lbs would still look fantastic on you, with toned muscles and definition. Keep track of your measurements and how you look in the mirror. The toned muscles and definition and feeling stronger are priceless and very motivating to continue with the training.


Gail

Gail, thank you for the kind words.  It is crazy how fast my body is building muscle, even my doctor is a bit surprised.  It has only been six weeks, but my body is really looking very different.  I have serious muscles on my shoulders and biceps now and my stomach is amazing.  It might have something to do with how skinny I am or I have way more testosterone than I ever thought possible.  My trainer told me that I am one of the rare women that could be a professional body builder.  My body just puffs up.  Maybe it is just because I am so new to this and it will stabilize soon.  I had no visible muscle six weeks ego anywhere on my body, that has seriously changed.

 I think you were very lean to begin with, so that may be  why the muscles are popping out so soon. Most people have a layer of fat covering the muscles and have to work very hard to shed the fat. You started with a much lower body fat than most people, so your tone and definition is showing earlier. Most people have to work at getting the body fat lower. Yours was low to begin with. At least that is my theory. LOL. Also, your diet is very good, low carb and high protein contribute to increased muscle tone and definition. Just like the fitness people eat.


Gail.

Has your trainer done a body fat analysis?  That would clarify exactly where the weight is going... it might calm you if you were sure it was going to muscle building.

I believe the muscles retain a fair amount of water while you are doing resistance training, in order to do the building.  This is another (non-fat) source of weight gain you may be experiencing.

I guess it all depends on the source of your fear - weight in general or regaining fat.  Weight by itself is benign... fat is not.

No, she hasn't.  But to be honest, there's almost no fat on me.  The only place you can pinch anything is the lower arms and the thigh area and that has more to do with skin than fat.  Even there, there really isn't that much.  My middle is rock solid, you can't pinch a quarter inch anywhere through my trunk area.  I know I am not getting fat, I still wear my size P0 jeans, it's more the fear of putting on muscle, stopping exercising and having an increase in fat.  I have seen some people go through this, and it's not a road I want to be on.  I think we often get used to eating and maintaining based on our activity level, my fear is that I will not always be able/willing to exercise but will continue to eat just a bit more and gain weight. 

I'm going through the same thing and it scares me too, but deep down I know it's ok. I started weight training, I mean serious weight training, two weeks ago. I'm still running on the days I don't weight train (like 5 miles at a time) and eating the same yet I somehow picked up 4 pounds in the last two weeks. My immediate reaction is to go back to strict basics and take them off, but my clothes fit the same and I know I'm building muscle. It just really screws with the mind. *sigh*

Yes!  On a positive note, I just got back from the gym and suffice it to say, I need to start wearing my wedding ring when I go there.  :)  So things can't be all wrong.