VSG Maintenance Group
Goal Weight - Long...sorry!
This is a difficult post for me to write. After much thought, deliberation, wrestling with some pretty heavy emotions about giving up and failure I have decided to adjust my goal weight. I quietly adjusted my ticker up two pounds this morning, but have since done more thinking and will be adjusting it up another two pounds.
If I choose to look honestly at myself and my body I am in my “goal range" (a new phrase I learned from a friend here on OH). At my annual physical just about two weeks ago my PCP commented that my body seems to be showing signs of settling in at a good weight. (BTW, my PCP is very supportive of my WLS and is the one who suggested it and helped fast track me through the system.) My health is now considered excellent for my age. All of my co-morbidities have resolved, I no longer take any medications (just a plethora of vitamin pills), my body fat is below 20%, and as the doctor said, I’ve gone from one end of the spectrum to the other - meaning I’m basically more fit than most men my age (a big switch from a year ago when I was fatter and more unhealthy than 95% of the men my age!).
I had chosen a number on the scale, 166 pounds, that meant something to me as my goal weight. 166 pounds was my goal weight when I lost some weight in my mid twenties on Weigh****chers. I felt very good at that weight and even went down to 163 for a while. It was very hard for me to maintain that weight.
When I started this WLS journey I didn’t have a set goal weight in mind, but knew that if I could get below 175 I’d be happy. Only when it came time to put a goal weight on my ticker did I choose 166. It was in that moment I decided to go all the way. So to speak, I decided to “Go for the Gold". Why not, right?
I started this time at 268 pounds and was 260 at my initial consultation. As I hit 190 pounds and continued down to 185 people began to ask if I was “done". When I met a bunch of OH people in May at the Nor Cal Meet Up several people commented that I must be very close to goal, if not there already. I weighed 182 that day. I’m down between 172 and 174 most days the past two weeks.
Because of my regular exercise I believe I’m distributing weight differently now than when I was 26. I have more upper body muscle and far less fat on my upper body and legs than I did at 26. I am wearing the same size clothes as I did when I was 26 -possibly a bit smaller even though I weigh a bit more. My suit jackets were always a 42 and now I wear a 40 slim fit. (I had my old 42 from years ago and it was indeed a bit large. I donated it.)
Illogical as it is, I am struggling with feelings of failure for choosing not to reach my ultimate, pie in the sky weight goal. I am choosing to not lose 4 pounds. I’ve lost 96 pounds for heaven’s sake and I’m feeling like a failure for not losing 4 little pounds? This is a clear example of some of the “stinking thinking" that I can get into. I also stand in front of the mirror every morning and see where the fat hasn’t melted away yet. I see the sagging butt, the tiny bit of belly fat left and think “FAT". My legs are still too thick and short. Basically, I suffer from body dysmorphia. I think many of us do.
With counsel from several vets, though one in particular, on the VSG board I have come to understand that my goal weight is not a permanent, etched in stone, number. It is flexible and moveable and now, with VSG, completely in my control. I also understand that there is more to measure my success than the number displayed on the scale. I am able to measure my body composition. I am able to track my increased strength and fitness. I am able to monitor my clothing sizes. I can walk up hills and climb flights of stairs. Shoot, I can “jog" 5 miles on the elliptical trainer in a freaking hour now. Last year I could not walk 1/4 mile without major pain and huffing and puffing.
So, I stand before you, here in cyber space, stating that my new goal weight is 170 pounds. I still have a couple of pounds to lose to get there and I will. As I type the end of this post, it is dawning on me that as the weight loss part of my journey is nearing its end, the emotional growth and rebirth part is really just beginning. I am overwhelmed and overjoyed, and yet, terribly frightened of the months ahead.
Thank you to all of you who have become my friends and have held my hand along this journey. I will still be needing you all in the coming months.
If I choose to look honestly at myself and my body I am in my “goal range" (a new phrase I learned from a friend here on OH). At my annual physical just about two weeks ago my PCP commented that my body seems to be showing signs of settling in at a good weight. (BTW, my PCP is very supportive of my WLS and is the one who suggested it and helped fast track me through the system.) My health is now considered excellent for my age. All of my co-morbidities have resolved, I no longer take any medications (just a plethora of vitamin pills), my body fat is below 20%, and as the doctor said, I’ve gone from one end of the spectrum to the other - meaning I’m basically more fit than most men my age (a big switch from a year ago when I was fatter and more unhealthy than 95% of the men my age!).
I had chosen a number on the scale, 166 pounds, that meant something to me as my goal weight. 166 pounds was my goal weight when I lost some weight in my mid twenties on Weigh****chers. I felt very good at that weight and even went down to 163 for a while. It was very hard for me to maintain that weight.
When I started this WLS journey I didn’t have a set goal weight in mind, but knew that if I could get below 175 I’d be happy. Only when it came time to put a goal weight on my ticker did I choose 166. It was in that moment I decided to go all the way. So to speak, I decided to “Go for the Gold". Why not, right?
I started this time at 268 pounds and was 260 at my initial consultation. As I hit 190 pounds and continued down to 185 people began to ask if I was “done". When I met a bunch of OH people in May at the Nor Cal Meet Up several people commented that I must be very close to goal, if not there already. I weighed 182 that day. I’m down between 172 and 174 most days the past two weeks.
Because of my regular exercise I believe I’m distributing weight differently now than when I was 26. I have more upper body muscle and far less fat on my upper body and legs than I did at 26. I am wearing the same size clothes as I did when I was 26 -possibly a bit smaller even though I weigh a bit more. My suit jackets were always a 42 and now I wear a 40 slim fit. (I had my old 42 from years ago and it was indeed a bit large. I donated it.)
Illogical as it is, I am struggling with feelings of failure for choosing not to reach my ultimate, pie in the sky weight goal. I am choosing to not lose 4 pounds. I’ve lost 96 pounds for heaven’s sake and I’m feeling like a failure for not losing 4 little pounds? This is a clear example of some of the “stinking thinking" that I can get into. I also stand in front of the mirror every morning and see where the fat hasn’t melted away yet. I see the sagging butt, the tiny bit of belly fat left and think “FAT". My legs are still too thick and short. Basically, I suffer from body dysmorphia. I think many of us do.
With counsel from several vets, though one in particular, on the VSG board I have come to understand that my goal weight is not a permanent, etched in stone, number. It is flexible and moveable and now, with VSG, completely in my control. I also understand that there is more to measure my success than the number displayed on the scale. I am able to measure my body composition. I am able to track my increased strength and fitness. I am able to monitor my clothing sizes. I can walk up hills and climb flights of stairs. Shoot, I can “jog" 5 miles on the elliptical trainer in a freaking hour now. Last year I could not walk 1/4 mile without major pain and huffing and puffing.
So, I stand before you, here in cyber space, stating that my new goal weight is 170 pounds. I still have a couple of pounds to lose to get there and I will. As I type the end of this post, it is dawning on me that as the weight loss part of my journey is nearing its end, the emotional growth and rebirth part is really just beginning. I am overwhelmed and overjoyed, and yet, terribly frightened of the months ahead.
Thank you to all of you who have become my friends and have held my hand along this journey. I will still be needing you all in the coming months.
If you look back a month or two for my posts I went through the same thing. Heck, I only got myself to officially change my goal the other day. It is hard to stop the losing phase. We get so used to our new diet and mind state that we just do not want to let it go. I saw the skin and kept telling myself that there is no way I am done. I too saw my Dr. Recently. Actually I saw her on Friday and to my surprise she told me that I need to put on 10 lbs of upper body muscle because I'm too thin. Strange hearing that when most of my life I was tol from my docs that I really need to lose some weight. It sounds as though you have come to the breaking point and are ready to accept it. Once I did it became much easier for me to move into maintenance comfortably without feeling failure. YOU DID IT, be happy!
Hey Eric,
Thanks for the cheers! I am feeling pretty good tonight and am so much more comfortable with my decision tonight than I was yesterday. Nice to know that you were in the exact same place. It's a really weird place to be and it's comforting to know I'm not alone. Not quite doing the happy dance yet, but I'm almost there! Thanks!
Thanks for the cheers! I am feeling pretty good tonight and am so much more comfortable with my decision tonight than I was yesterday. Nice to know that you were in the exact same place. It's a really weird place to be and it's comforting to know I'm not alone. Not quite doing the happy dance yet, but I'm almost there! Thanks!
I have gone through something similar, and I completely get where you are coming from. It took me 5 months to declare 'goal' after settling into the maintenance range I'm in now. It's only been a week or so since I changed my ticker. I'm 6lbs heavier than my 'goal' of BMI of 22% but then my body fat is 20-21% which is in the very 'fit' range for a 45 year old woman, I'm lifting heavier at each workout, and I have better endurance than when I was an athlete in high school.
Having said that, I have added a second 'stretch goal' ticker largely as I prep for plastics. I had a 'come to jesus' with my spouse last night about PS. He is really not wild about the idea, but I pointed out I've worked too hard at this to end up looking a cartoon of a naked 90 year old which is how I was feeling yesterday. Dysmorphia? Maybe a bit, but let's face it, most of the 'normies' my age that I know have had work done ('Image' lifts, fillers, tummy tucks after kids, etc). I may have a case for insurance coverage, though, and I will fight that tooth and nail if necesary.
You have done an aewsome job! Transitioning to maintenance is the hardest part of this, and you're going to excel at that just as you did at the weightloss portion.
Having said that, I have added a second 'stretch goal' ticker largely as I prep for plastics. I had a 'come to jesus' with my spouse last night about PS. He is really not wild about the idea, but I pointed out I've worked too hard at this to end up looking a cartoon of a naked 90 year old which is how I was feeling yesterday. Dysmorphia? Maybe a bit, but let's face it, most of the 'normies' my age that I know have had work done ('Image' lifts, fillers, tummy tucks after kids, etc). I may have a case for insurance coverage, though, and I will fight that tooth and nail if necesary.
You have done an aewsome job! Transitioning to maintenance is the hardest part of this, and you're going to excel at that just as you did at the weightloss portion.
Carolyn (32 lbs lost Pre-op) HW: 291, SW: 259, GW: 129.5, CW: 126.4
Age: 45, Height: 5'2 1/4" , Stretch Goal: 122 
Carolyn,
It's so good to know you get it. I love your stretch goal idea. Something I will remember, if needed, for the future.
I have made peace with never making a "normal" BMI. The last time I fit my normal weight range I was 18 and had just finished doing the Cambridge Diet (remember that one?). To get to a normal BMI for my height I'd have to lose another 13 pounds. Not happening, and I'm really good with that. I knew from the outset that it was not a realistic weight target for me. I am one of the few for whom the BMI chart does not work. Body composition will be my main measure from here on out. I can change that without necessarily having to lose weight .
I was not going to do plastics. Ha! Not so sure now. I think it'll be next summer, but I'm pretty sure it's in the cards now. I haven't come this far to have this droopy belly skin and saggy butt!
It's so good to know you get it. I love your stretch goal idea. Something I will remember, if needed, for the future.
I have made peace with never making a "normal" BMI. The last time I fit my normal weight range I was 18 and had just finished doing the Cambridge Diet (remember that one?). To get to a normal BMI for my height I'd have to lose another 13 pounds. Not happening, and I'm really good with that. I knew from the outset that it was not a realistic weight target for me. I am one of the few for whom the BMI chart does not work. Body composition will be my main measure from here on out. I can change that without necessarily having to lose weight .
I was not going to do plastics. Ha! Not so sure now. I think it'll be next summer, but I'm pretty sure it's in the cards now. I haven't come this far to have this droopy belly skin and saggy butt!
You've pretty much put into words exactly what I'm going through. I haven't wrapped my head around the "I'm done" part.
And my body is completely different at 50 than it was at 25.
Good Luck,
donna
And my body is completely different at 50 than it was at 25.
Good Luck,
donna
HW/233 * SW/212 * CW/133 *GW/132 * 100 Pounds of FAT gone FOREVER!
Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple~Dr.Suess
Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple~Dr.Suess
I know. I think there's even a part of me that is in mourning for the "weight loss phase" if that makes sense. Frankly, a lot of what's going through my head at this stage of the journey doesn't make sense. But I'm just going to hang around these boards and waddle my way through it.
And yes...I was a big girl.
But not anymore
Now I'm off to go rent a smaller Harley and ride the Kangamangas Highway in NH.
cheers,
donna
And yes...I was a big girl.
But not anymore
Now I'm off to go rent a smaller Harley and ride the Kangamangas Highway in NH.
cheers,
donna
HW/233 * SW/212 * CW/133 *GW/132 * 100 Pounds of FAT gone FOREVER!
Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple~Dr.Suess
Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple~Dr.Suess
I am very proud of you. In many ways this is the most emotionally charged part of the journey and from the replies you have gotten already, you can see that the thoughts and emotions you are experiencing now, are a normal developmental step in this process. You are exactly in the right place to make this transition, you have learned a great deal, you have changed your eating and exercise habits, you have worked on your head issues with food, you are ready to be maintaining your success. You have been in your range for a while now, it is good that you are eccepting your accomplishment. Take a look around this new, amazing terrain, it will take you a little while to feel fully comfortable here, but this comfort is predictably in your near future. Welcome home friend.
