Thin identity, obese identity, or somewhere in between?

 Does anyone else have any confusion about where you fit in now?

Sometimes when I'm around women who have been naturally thin all their lives (and only met me post-WLS and goal and whom are pretty chic in my eyes), I feel like an imposter. I don't know why.

Recently I was in a setting with some other people I don't know very well (again who met me post-WLS) and there was a comment made about the size of the people around us. I didn't comment because it wasn't appropriate for the setting, but the comment stuck with me and I realized the person didn't realize he was talking about me 1.5 years ago.

I told a MO friend of mine about this experience and I said, "he didn't know he was talking about me" and she said, "No, he was talking about me. Thats not you anymore." Her opinion was that I didn't have any base for having a reaction to the comment as I'm a normal weight now. Of course this (and all the other NSVs that I've experienced) didn't make me feel like I relate as MO now either.

Just kind of rambling here, but thought some people here may have had similar identity confusion after meeting people who never knew you MO.

Lindsey

Lindsey, I know where you are coming from.  I seriously take offense when someone makes a weight comment about someone who is overweight.  I think we are in a category all by ourselves.  There are not alot of people out there who have seen both sides of the fence.  We are on the thin side now because this is where we have chosen to be.  We did not choose the obese side but we know how it feels and have been there so these comments hurt us.  It's hard not to speak your mind when you hear something like that.  The one thing I try to realize is that they have never walked in those shoes so how could they understand how it feels?  Sometimes I keep my mouth shut as you did, but sometimes it's just too much and I whip out my before/after pix.  The stunned silence usually nips that **** in the bud.  Good luck in finding your comfort zone.  I feel at home with all body types now cuz I believe I have been about every size known to man...or woman.  Nice thought provoking post!

Deb

 This is an issue because fat bigotry is rampant.  Our society can't criticize because of race, creed or color but, oh boy, if fat's involved - -  bring out the guns!

I've been making an effort to be a kinder, gentler person.  When someone makes a negative statement about a fat person, I gently say something like, "We don't know if that (the fat person) is uncomfortable or troubled.  I have to let you know, that I used to be fat and I was miserable.  People made fun of me and I felt isolated."

Usually this is enough to have a mini conversation about how society views fat people.  This is my mission in life - to spread some recognition and kindness.  I let them know what it's like to be on both sides of the fence.  Most of us mouth things we've heard from others and don't think before we speak.

Yes, fat bigotry is everywhere--so amazing because it seems all people everywhere are now obese. I was at the Farmer's market yesterday, just sorta mentally counting all the obese folks, and the number had to be approaching 80% or maybe even more. It blows me away. Of course, before, I never let my eyes rest on the human form at all, as to identify with other MO folks was just too painful. Better to just look at all the vegetables for sale and the dogs on leashes.

Do I have confusion of where I fit now? Everyday!

I still have an incredibly hard time identifying as "thin". Because I still don't see myself that way. I literally have people tell me everyday, "you look so thin!" "you're so skinny!" "look at how tiny you are!" And everyday I deflect these comments with something refuting or disagreeing with the statement they've made.

Part of it stems from the fact that I've been fat my entire life and it's still hard for me to comprehend I'm not anymore. Another part is that most of my friends are still bigger or MO and it hurts to not be part of "the fat girl club" anymore. There are certain types of conversation I'm excluded from or topics that are just not discussed when I'm around anymore.

Don't get me wrong, they've been great, but there is a certain amount of resentment there. It's hard to explain but it is what it is.

Regardless of all of that, I still believe that obesity bias and discrimination is still the only acceptable form of discrimination in our society. It's sad, mainly because it comes from ignorance and hate. Hate for people that are different, hate from fear, or just plain hateful people. I'm hopeful that it'll change someday but it probably never will.

 good post, Lindsey.

even though they know I used to be fat, some of my co-workers still make anti-MO people remarks around me.

I usually speak up but not always.  have a little compassion, is what I try to say. 

people who would not be bigoted about anything else feel justified in judging obese people. because it is their fault, I guess.

Thanks, MPM.

I think the post got a bit sidetracked with the part about the MO comment. Most times if I heard such a comment I may try to throw in my thoughts on the matter, but in this particular setting it would not have been appropriate.

What was more memorable to me was my MO friend's response to me. It just made me feel like I can't relate as MO anymore because I'm not, but I can't exactly relate as thin either because obesity had such an impact on my life for so long and actually still has an impact on me in a different way as far as excess skin, stomach/throat noises at times, and always fielding questions/comments as to how little I'm eating, etc. etc.

Even on MFP I have a little trouble relating...I stopped tracking for a long time, but my fiance has actually gained about 12 lbs he is trying to get off and so I thought I'd get back on and track some because we often eat together. I also would like to try and eat a little better and gain some muscle as I'm considering plastics in my future at some point.

Anyway, there are so many people on there in the losing phase that even though you explain that not only are you not hoping to lose more weight but you are actively TRYING to not lose more weight, they rain positive comments on you any time it announces you've lost another pound.

It's just an odd place I find myself in sometimes. Neither here nor there it seems. Probably everyone feels that way in some facet of her life though. :)

 as long as you can accept WHERE you are as OK, I think that's the main thing. no need to be somewhere else is what I mean.        

I know how you feel- the imposter.  I now always get comments about being tiny, how they can tell that I know how to eat well, that I've never been fat a day in my life.  A lot of times I want to say something about my surgery and will.  Other times, I stay quiet.  But my mind is screaming, "IMPOSTER"!!

I don't agree with your friend. I can get upset if someone makes a bigotted remark about an ethnic group I don't belong to so I think I should be able to get upset if someone makes a bigotted remark about fat people.