How often do you still feel like a fat person?

So I was walking down the street a few blocks to my car (intentionally parked to make me do this) and carrying two modest bags. Was feeling grumpy for unknown reasons and began the inner metal dialog " carrying this stuff is such a pain, my back and feet hurt, why didn't i park closer, i am going to be too tired to do other stuff and bla bla bla".  This is how I used to think in my fat days.

Suddenly I realized I was into FatThink and in fact nothing hurt, the bags were light, I felt light on my feet, the walk was pleasant and it was a beautiful sunny cool day and I was and am very slim!  What a great feeling!

When I was fat I was constantly automatically calculating how to get things done with the fewest steps, least effort, closest parking, least trips of carrying stuff, where I could sit down or lie down, and whether some task was worth the inevitable back or other pain.

Even though the pain is gone and life is so much easier I still sometimes find myself doing this calculating and for the moment while walking thought I was fat again.   Who else does this and does it ever go away? 

Diane

Oh man, you would just have to post this right now... I've been feeling real stuck lately and thinking I have a self-image problem or something....

On one hand, I'm still having trouble staying in maintenance... I'm now three pounds below my "stuff your face" weight, and it's killing me.  I feel like I'm eating all the time (I'm not), but I'm even being "crazy" and having wine on the weekends and have like tripled the amount I go out to eat (higher calories) and have been snacking during evenings and still losing weight.  (My sincere apologies to those still a few pounds away from their goal weight - I don't mean to complain about 'success' but I'm looking a bit stickish now).

And that's the other hand.  I look at myself in the mirror.  If I look at my arms, I think I look frail and weak.  But what usually happens is I feel fat.  It's that damned belly.  I have these nice large-sized T-shirts, but the T-shirt fabric being so thin and flexible always seems to drape, somehow, in a way that maximizes and shows off my muffin top - so I feel like I have the same problem now, under goal, that I had when I was over 300 pounds, being that my waist/belly was always disproportionately big.  Or I can see the man nipples poking through my shirt a bit *sigh*. 

So, I know I'm not necessarily alone - but I will admit a fear I have to you all here in our VSG maintenance family - I'm hoping that I'll have plastic surgery and these feelings will go away (and I'll probably only feel scrawny and will go to the gym to put some muscle on my upper arms).  But my fear - if I have plastic surgery, and somehow still see myself as fat after they remove that stomach and side tissue and my shirt fit well and I look fabulous - then indeed my brain will be broken somehow.  I don't think this will happen - I know myself and my drivers well, but I'm also a worrier.

So I guess I'm rambling.  I don't think that's the FatThink you quite meant, sorry Diane.  I apologize for the hijack.  On that note, I'll realize I'm being lazy when I yell at my fiance in the other room to make him come talk to me, instead of getting off my ass and going to him - because it's so much less effort to get out of my chair.  I caught myself doing that just last night. And sometimes I still have the reflex to look for a close parking space, cuz I'm an American and all and then realize since I'm light and mobile, I should park far out and enjoy my youth and mobility. 

Hi Ruggie

Hijack all you want. This is all about discussion.

But I hate to see you feeling down when you have just accomplished one of the most spectacular feats on earth - going from seriously mobid obesity to downright skinny while living in the USA- fattening food capital of the planet. And you are gonna keep it off too because you got the "right stuff".

One advantage of being an old (ish) lady is that I don't worry so much about every wrinkle and skin roll  like I did when I was younger and I now  try to focus on the fact that I wear size 6 jeans and have plenty of room on an airplane. Maybe my less than perfect vision shields me from the awful  truth when looking in the mirror. You might want to look in the mirror without your glasses on, or just stop looking too much.  You fixed your weight and you can fix your brain too.

The plastics will be great and I can't wait for you to get there, but I think you already know that part of the fix for your feelings has to come from within. And it will. Everybody has sort of a let down when reaching goal - its like "I'm here; now what?". But every day is better and better as the good experiences compound.

As to the problems in still losing and feeling like you are stuffing yourself, this seems to be a Cirangle specialty. Happened to me too and I dropped well below goal. Straightened it out with peanut butter, nuts and cheese. Don't worry, this phase will pass and you will not get unhealthily thin. Just takes awhile to find the balance. Enjoy this phase as later you will be able to eat more and will think fondly of these days.

Shrinking nerd is losing at an astounding rate - five pounds this week - and he is having a hard time getting in all the fluid and green veggies that dr. wants him too. He got lectured about being dehydrated and is really pushing the green veggies  and is doing better. I bet when he hits the 6 month surgery aniversary on May 17 he will have lost over 100 pounds since surgery. I am also predicting he is going to get to goal and have trouble stopping losing and be in the same boat as you next fall. By then you will have this straightened out. So its hard to stop worrying when thats your nature (mine too) but trust in the sleeve. It won't fail you.    Diane

Hi Diane -

Thanks again for your kind words.

I think this worry comes from the fact that I'm already eating (what feels like) copious amounts of cheese and nuts.

Your husband's progress is remarkable - tell him I wish him well.

Then there is only one thing to do.   MORE RED WINE!!!!!

I have a glass every day now. But then my job is playing with clay so I don't exactly have to keep my mind razor sharp.  Oddly, I find that glass of wine to be an appetite surpressant. Also a worry surpressant.    Diane

Well, I stick to white - get mild headaches the next day from the tannins - I know, I feel like such an outsider this Napa influenced area. 

Not to hijack your hijack, but your third paragraph made me think of something I noticed again today.

I think we tend to judge ourselves by our problem feature. I have really big calves. Mostly muscle, but almost as big as my thighs. You have left over belly skin. Whatever that feature is.

I like you need to stop losing weight. Now would be good. Yet I was walking around DC today, and found myself looking at other women's legs (not like that...) and seeing them as slimmer than me. Honestly, most of them probably were the same BMI as me or even much higher, but if their legs are slimmer than mine then in my brain I'm heavier than they are. Seriously. Mind games with myself.

I have this from time to time.  It's actually probably more regular than occassional.  

The other day I was walking to yoga class and I almost considered turning around and going back... skipping yoga class... because my mind was somehow convinced that I was too tired and my feet hurt too much to walk the two blocks to yoga class.  When in fact, my feet were just fine and maybe I didn't get enough sleep the night before so a little tired... but I shook myself out of it, went to yoga class, also did core class and felt great afterward.  It's funny the games my mind plays on me.  And not funny in a ha-ha way.

I also struggle with my brain lagging behind my body.  This will sound weird, I know... but everytime I use the toilet, I look down at my thighs and am aghast at how squishy and big they look.  In my mind's eye, they are the same size as 100 pounds ago.  Which I know in my rational mind isn't true, but try to convince my perception of that?  Forget it.

I'd love to know if this goes away over time... I guess it's like everything else and it's an individual YMMV thing.

Oh, when will I ever think of myself as thin? I still look at places like "I won't fit between those two chairs" and try to find a different route, when two of me could walk through that space!!!

Diane, quite calling yourself an old(ish) lady, you are a beautiful woman, and your dh would agree.

Yes, I agree more RED WINE Ruggie, or white since that is what you prefer. I usually have a citrus martini or glass of red wine most days. Love it and don't really have to worry about the calories. Love my sleeve!

I still don't see myself as thin (people call me tiny?). I do struggle with body image, that person in the mirror is skinny but when I walk away that is not what my brain remembers or sees. I also have "healthy legs", could only wear lace up boots in high school. Skinny jeans don't fit me 'cause the legs are way too tight, but I wear size 2????

I also feel like I am eating all the time, but no longer losing. I think my body has found a happy spot. I have begun too much snacking and sneaking in a little too many carbs. DH is finally trying to lose some weight, so most of the nasty carbs (bread, pasta, etc.) are outta here! YEAH