Ashamed/Depressed - Need Help!

Hello! It's been a long time since I've logged onto OH - good to know some of the folks I'm familiar with are still here and doing well!

Where have I been??? Well, most might think I prolly lost all the weight and have been out living life again. Unfortunately, that is not the case. I have not checked in because I feel like a failure. I have been too ashamed to admit that things did not work out the way I thought they would. I got down to 198 lbs (for one day! ha!) and have settled at 210. I had hoped to get to 160 or better. Not happenin. There is one major factor that has stopped me in my tracks and I'm hoping someone can help so I can move forward. Simply put: I become the ***** from hell when I am losing. It is so bad that even I cannot stand myself. Its more than just being a ***** - I get anxious, uptight, moody and depressed.

At first I thought it was menopause but then realized it eases up whenever I stop trying to lose. I can't tell you how many times I've done a 5 day pouch test only to abandon it because I get so miserable. I tried "dealing with it" just to see if it would let up after a few weeks but it seems I only get worse. I am normally a happy-go-lucky, easy-going type of person - so this is very distressing for me to feel this way.

Any ideas???

This must be pretty rough. If I understand, your mood goes to H  when you restrict your food. You might see a dietician about why this might be. Also makes me wonder if you are using food to self medicate for some depression or anxiety (so many  of us have done this) and that a counselor might be able to help understand whats going on here. You may even need an antidepressant for awhile.  None of this is a failure on your part - just an indicator that you may need another sort of advice.

What is it about reducing your food intake that makes you so miserable? Are you truly hungry? Do you miss your comfort items? Do you eat to end or fend off anxiety?  Seems like something to work through with help from a pro.   Let us know how you do.   diane

Hi Diane! Thanks for the reply - good to hear from you! Actually, I do not get hungry so it is not crabbiness due to hunger. I do think that you had an excellent point about using food to self-medicate! I have been wondering for a long time if I could have an underlying low-level depression. Definitely something I need to look into.

I can see two different ways to tackle this issue.  You first need to figure out which one is the culprit here and then get the help you need to tackle it.  This is not uncommon and can be resolved.  1) There is a hormonal change that happens to you when you reduce calories, and you need to find the right vitamins/minerals/supplements/ hormones to stabilize you.  You might want to talk to Sublimate on OH, she might have some good suggestions for you in this area.  2) You are using food as an emotional shield and when you take the food away, the flood of emotions opens up and you get buried in the wave.  If this is the issue, you need to find a competent Cognitive-Behavioral therapist and work this out, it is not easy, but it can be done. 3) It's a combination of both of these issues, then you need to address both.  You can do this.  You are not a failure.  In order to succeed at this or at anything else in life you need to get up eight times when you have fallen seven. That is it, that is the whole secret.  Just get up and look for a solution.  I am certain a solution will become available to you once you start seeking it.  Hugs to you.

Here's a few ideas for you:

* Make sure you are taking all of your supplements. Vitamin deficiency can play a big role here.
* B vitamins are very helpful for mood
* Consider taking evening primrose oil to help regulate the estrogen that is flooding in your body when you start losing weight
* Try meditation and/or EFT
* Exercise to boost endorphins, rather than eating comfort foods.. they both release endorphins, whereas one is destructive, the other is constructive.
* Make sure you are getting plenty of sleep
* Make sure you are drinking plenty of fluids to flush fat cells

In addition, to what the other posters suggested, giving up food can be perceived as a loss of our means to comfort ourselves or self-medication of our feelings. Just like giving up cigarrettes can trigger a grief reaction and depression, so can giving up some of our comfort foods. Now, that we don't have food to numb or comfort us, we have to look at what is really going on with ourselves and our environment. A good cognitive behavioral therapist can help, as well as an antidepressant, if needed. If you can gain more understanding of your feelings, thoughts, and triggers, it may be more manageable to move on with your weight loss.

Years ago, I went through a grief reaction and mild depression, when I quit smoking. This is very, very common, so I think it also applies to changing our lifestyle.

Also, in addition, to Sublimate's suggestion, fish oil is helpful, as well as the B vitamins and Vitamin D.

gail

Yes, as Gail said, Fish Oil and Vitamin D.. forgot about those. Sunshine is natural vitamin D source and very helpful for depression and moodiness.

Also please don't feel ashamed! Lots of us have been here, done that! Just keep going.. this is a life long thing and we all have our ups and downs.

Thanks everyone for your replies - you all have excellent suggestions that I will be following up on!

Hi Sue,

You made a great first step by coming back and posting. I have been battling a regain myself, and have been experiencing many of the same symptoms as you. Someone (and I can't remember who) suggested a book called The Weight Loss Surgery Coping Companion by Tanie Miller Kabala. I downloaded it on kindle and it has been amazing for me to be able to identify my emotional triggers and easy practical advice on how to handle those difficult emotions. I wish you the best of luck.

Heather

"Eat It Up" by Dr. Connie Stapleton.  This book address some of the "why's" we overeat and what to do about it.  I play the CD's in my car.  I have some of the cards stacked against me by multi-generational alcoholism in my family.  Carbs are my drug of choice.  I have become very vigilant after gaining 20#.  That really scared me.  I was lapsing back into all the bad habits.  It is so easy to do that.  I started logging on My Fitness Pal and it has helped tremendously.  I choose to know exactly what my intake is and I have accountability to "friends" there.  It is second nature for me to isolate.  It is deadly.
I wish you success in finding the formula that works for you.  You are worth it!!!

Janet