I am really jealous!!!! Throwing a hissy fit.

Elina,
Did you save any of your large clothes?  If so, go put them on and look at yourself in the mirror.  Does putting them on take you back?  Look how far you've come.  Celebrate that!  I saved the clothes I wore to the hospital.  Who was that woman?!
Nothing has ever come easy for me.  God gave me a second chance with my sleeve.  I have a sense of gratitude.  But that hasn't prevented me from lapsing into the old, familiar behavior.  I will have to be hyper-vigilant the rest of my life.  Just like an addict.  That's such a strong, shameful word.  But it's the truth.
Thank you for being real with us.  We get one another.  And this, too, shall pass.
Janet

Janet, you are a wise woman, and I love your suggestion.  I did not keep any of my old clothes, but a short trip to my profile reveals the photographs that could motivate a dead person to dance.  :)  I look absolutely, umm different,  in them.  In truth, I am unrecognizable there. 

Most of the time, I live in a place of great gratitude for everything in my life and a special and separate feeling of thanks for my VSG.  Yesterday, was just one of those self-pitty days.  Sharing it with all of you and not eating my feelings and then reading all of your fabulous responses helped me tremendously.  I got through the day and stayed on program.  I woke up today 1.5 lighter.  Just two more pounds to go.  Thank you for your support, you were really there for me when I needed it yesterday.  I love this forum.

Elina,
I shamelessly stole the large clothes idea from a friend of mine who has a 10 year surgiversary fast approaching.  I do my unfair share of whining.  She has a way of bringing me back to reality.  But we all have the little pity parties because of all this is work.  I have a very petulant little girl in me who comes out occasionally!  I loved reading about your overnight release!!!

Janet

I know that I am one of the ones that is still not very hungry even at over 3 years out now, but that doesn't mean that I still don't want to stuff my face anyway, LOL.  It does suck to always have to diet but hey my skinny daughter has to do it too, so it helps to see a normie struggle at maintaining her slim figure too.  I think my only saving grace is my athleticism to be honest.  And I'm realizing this more and more the further out I get. 

Keep working it baby.  It ain't easy but we know it's worth it. 

And for what it's worth, I know a bunch of sleevers and the majority of them never got to goal so that's puts us ahead of the pack!

Laura

Laura, you are right on all accounts.  Your athleticism does help you maintain in a major way.  It is not as important in getting us to goal, but it's crucial at keeping us there.   All the research shows this to be true.  You are also right on about skinny friends having to do the very same thing.  Everyone of my thin friends keeps a very close eye on the scale and eats light when the scale goes up a few pounds.  I am seriously jealous of the permanent loss of appetite.  I really wish that this happened to me too, but no such luck.  I now get hungry, and it's not that far off from the hunger I used to get, especially around my TOM time.  The saving grace is that just a few ounces of protein still works to fill me up and the week right after my TOM, I lose all hunger.  So my pattern seems to be to gain 2-3 lbs. right before and then lose the 2-3 right after. 

Normally, I can be mature about it and do the right thing, this weekend is difficult as there are many activities and parties on my schedule.  I will look amazing in my Gala dress, but I will not be able to eat any of the appetizers.  ( I ordered fish for my main meal).  I am going to take a few pictures on Sunday and post them, this might help keep my motivation up.  No one in my circle of friends comments any more, why would they, I have been the same weight for almost 2.5 years now. 

For me, I had to go through the journey and reach a place where I now am- my "new normal".  I do go out to wine bars and have the cheese.  But I'm conscious that it is only for that day, or that weekend, and come Monday I have to resume my "new normal"- I journal, I avoid carbs, I exercise.  I drop a pound or two and will swing up that pound or two for the weekend.  I have learned through experience that if I let my indulgences get out of hand for too long, it's not a simple pound or two that has to be reined in.  I went through it once, and the work involved in getting back on track was hard and stressful, so I have learned to not go there anymore(at least not on purpose!)

Today for example I'm being lazy, lying around on the sofa eating goldfish while watching TV.  I journalled, so I know where I'm at.  I know that this is not ideal for me, but I'm aware that we are going out tonight for St. Patty's where we will be drinking and we will be dancing up a storm.  Chances are that I will burn more calories than I will consume, and tomorrow I have a 30 mile bike ride planned along with high protein meals, and not a drop of wine or carbs in sight!  Balance is a beautiful thing.  And the best part?  I weigh 3 pounds less today than I did 3 years ago!

My point is that you seem to have gone through the same journey and have found your individual path.  You know what you can get away with, and you know what to do to get yourself back on track.  I know that you will be one of the successful people who will be able to maintain for the rest of your life. 

From being here for so long, I know that the ones that don't acknowledge that maintenance takes work are the ones who are burying their heads in the sand and will wake up one day 30 pounds heavier.  I rather be looking out for the two pounds instead!  As in the famous words of Dr. Phil, "You can't change what you don't acknowledge", and I choose to acknowledge my journey on a daily basis.

I am with you, I too normally go out to the wine bars and have a little cheese but not when my scale is up three pounds.  My rule is that I eat according to the scale, and most of the time it works out just fine, but this weekend it didn't come together for me.  I have a full calender of fun events and no room to be "bad".  I have to stay on my program in order to meet my own goals.  What I should have done is plan better, but this time I just didn't do it.  Plus the whole weight gain thing coincides with my TOM, so it just wasn't my best week.  I felt ticked off that I still have to do what I know needs to be done, and the fun has to take a back seat this weekend.  Phooey.   I will still look amazing in my Gala dress tomorrow and I will post the picks here to get a little boost to my morale.  Thank you for listening to my rantings, usually I am relatively sane and focused, this was a bit out of character but I needed to get it out. 

Hey Elina

Everyone is entitled to a generous allotment of hissy fits in this process. After all, sometimes its just plain difficult. And most of us have a long history of weight related dissapointments and issues so its only natural to have a cow at a couple of pounds.  But don't lose sight of the real prize which is some peace and contentment with your body for the first time in many years so don't let a couple of pounds get the best of you and spoil an otherwise great life.

So you just deal with those couple of pounds like you would some dust bunnies under the bed - as a temporary set back. Those two pounds are not necessarily fat - could be fluid and such. And as you told me, you just gotta dial it back for a few days. Get your seaweed chips or whatever you can substitute for the bad stuff. The craving for the bad stuff will pass. Try some new tea or a new pureed veggie soup. I saw a recipe in Martha Stewart for lasagne with kale leaves instead of noodles that looked great. Drink a protein drink as a meal and be grateful you don't have to do that for all meals.

We are in the "rest of our lives" bouncy stage where a few pounds variation is normal and expected. So called normal people have this. We have to learn to not let it upset us so much - we all think it means we are going to gain all our weight back but you know you won't. Jus****ch it for a few days and do something else that is "bad" that doesn't involve overeating. Will leave that to your imagination!

All the best. Sorry you are having a rough time but rant all you want. Ranting is good for the spirit.

Diane

Hi Diane,

The funny thing about all of this is that when I asked my husband if I looked like I was gaining any weight.  He looked me over, pondered the question for a second and replied, "Yes, you look a tiny bit less anorexic than you did before".  Then he hugged me and told me that he just doesn't see any issues and thinks I should enjoy myself this weekend and work on this on Monday if I still want to concentrate on it.  The problem with his advice is that it sounds suspiciously like my own excuse making brain that would always start the diet on Monday, or the first of the month, or New Years or sometime other than right now.  So, I hugged him back, and told him to pass the Vanilla Chai latte tea.  I will be eating a great deal of chicken soup for the next few days.  The good news is that I woke up already down about 1.5 lbs. I still have two pounds to go.  I will see the Doctor on Wednesday, so that's the goal date.  105 on Wednesday or bust.

I want to be taller too! Stamps foot!

I remember when I started to feel hungry and how ripped off I felt at first. I wanted to be one of those people who never felt hunger and the reason was that hunger SCARED ME. But very soon I started to realize that feeling hunger is a tool too and it's part of what it means to live a normal life. Hunger gets us to eat when we need to most of the time.

Yes, sometimes hunger is a symptom of another problem and not a real need for calories but, with a little work, I can figure those times out and then I can decide if I want to eat anyway or not eat and go hungry.

I am probably one of those people who you think is maintaining effortlessly. Part of why that is though is that I really don't care that much about what my scale says. I care a little, don't get me wrong, but for the most part my goal is to be normal and that means not obsessing over every little pound but not to feel out of control either.

And, I don't feel out of control. My weight went up when I had my accident and I was out of control for a while because my healing brain was sending out signals I interpreted as hunger. But I got it back under control. I didn't then immediately lose the 5-10 pounds I had gained though. But I don't really care. I am in control of my eating  most days and my clothes fit and I'm happy and healthy. That's good enough for me. And, honestly, I look pretty good, probably better than I looked at 112-113.

So now I'm in control of my eating and the weight is coming off very slowly and that's nice because I wouldn't mind being a bit thinner again. But, if I never lost a pound more, I'd be okay too.