just about ready to "throw in the towel"

 Our stats are very similar.  I'm 5'2" and had gotten down to 122 or so.  But I shot up like a sling shot to 133 within months.  I am at peace with this because really, at 122 I looked like an anorexic.  People though I was dieing of cancer.  Think about it, when you started all of this, would you have been thrilled to weigh 135?  I bet it looked like a dream number.  We could starve down to the low 120's again, work out like maniacs, etc.  But is that really a balanced life?  I'm trying to get my body out of starvation mode, and it's not easy.  We can't do that forever.   Maybe we should be thankful for landing in the 130's and not compare ourselves to the teeny, weeny girls.  Personally, I think we're doing great!

Hi Marie.  Thanks for responding.  I do "hear" what you're saying.  I do believe I would have to starve to get to what I think I should weigh.  I have wondered many times how I would be able to  only eat 800 cal to lose then add more calories once on maintenance.  Wouldn't that make one gain?

And yes, I do need to be thankful to be in the 130's.  I'm 40 and haven't been this weight since high school.  Woot!

Jennifer

Jen, I just want to say, you are a success. Look at how far you have come and the lifestyle changes that you have made. Logging food works for me, but it certainly doesn't work for everyone, but it can give you an idea of how many calories you are taking in.

All that exercise is commendable, but I wanted to take a nap after reading everything that you do, plus take care of 5 kids. Is it sustainable? Do you feel good after doing it? The key is doing something that you love, so that you will be able to keep up with it. This journey is all about making and keeping the lifestyle changes.

I used to get hung up on a number, but the body composition testing really helped me to get my head on straight about it. I hope that you can do it again. Hydrostatic testing is very reliable. Here is a website, to see if they come to your area.

www.bodyfattest.com

Brandilynn is spot on with her suggestions, support, and reassurance.

Gail

At this point I am enjoying all this exercise.  But no, I don't believe it's sustainable for the long haul.

Thanks you  Gail.  Your words are appreciated.

Jennifer

First of all {{hugs}}. I can feel your pain and frustration right through my monitor.

I just have one thought: What would happen if you didn't lose any more? Honestly. Not telling you that you should or shouldn't, but what honestly would happen if you didn't, on a life-long basis not a brief one-day feeling? And what would happen if you got down to 125? Again, honestly. Is there such a huge difference between the two?

Are you enjoying all the exercise? Maybe take a deep breathe and tone the exercise down to a level you can really enjoy rather than pounding your body in desperation. Then take some time to reflect honestly on why those last few pounds mean so much to you and are they worth to you what you're going through.

If they are (and to you they may well be, only you know) then set up a plan that includes measuring and logging your food daily (it's easy on something like myfitnesspal) to make sure you're really doing what you think.

If they're not, take a deep breathe and move to a place of acceptance.

Yeah, I know you might think that's easy for me to say since I made my goal, but honestly I didn't set an aggressive goal partly because my decision was that a battle at the end was not what I wanted for ME.

Thank you for your words of encouragement, Mom4Jazz.  I'm going to try out myfitnesspal.  Also I'd like to add.....you look marvelous darling!

Jennifer

Scale weight is meaningless.. absolutely. Rather then waiting for your body scan, get a scale that checks body fat percentage. This way if you need to really keep an eye on numbers (this works for some of us well for accountability, like me), you can keep an eye on a number that matters.

I had a professional scan and it matched my home scale percentage exactly! So I figure why wait until I can get those scans when I can get a good idea right now. Right now I am at 36% body fat percentage, at 213 pounds. I am significantly heavier than you on the scale, but not that far off from your last body scan percentage.

It's also not just because I'm taller either, because I have friends who weigh 30-50 pounds less than I do and are the same body fat percentage. I'm just a very dense, muscular woman. My goal weight is 180 based on what weight I calculate will make me a normal body fat percentage.

I'm not sure if it's perspective or what, but after being 400+ pounds for so long, I feel damn good even though I'm not skinny by any measure. Every day I can't stop smiling, even if I'm not at goal. Maybe you can think about all the things that are so great for you having lost this weight, rather than thinking that you have to be at a certain weight to start enjoying those tings?

For example I bought a Mustang convertible sports car for myself, and I had always wanted one. I couldn't fit in one, and I relish every day that I can drive my dream car now. Not being at my goal weight doesn't take away my joy at being able to drive that car. KWIM?

Hi Sublimate, nice to see you back on OH. 

I want to be skinny.  I want to wear a size 4.  I wear an 8 now.  I wore a 22 fifeteen months ago.  How on earth can I be disappointed in myself?  I wish I had the answer to that question.  I'm in therapy now and hoping to find the answer.

I'm reasonable enough to realize the # on the scale or size of ones jeans is not what makes a person happy.  Hopefully one day I can believe that for myself not just be able to make the statement.

Jennifer

I'm in a similar position, but I've been forced to up calories and head into maintenance for health reasons.  Just one question.  Have you checked your body fat using like the navy tape measure method? There are caluclators online or If you give me your measurements (neck, waist, hips) I can do it for you.  It's actually pretty reliable and certainly good for at least trending over time.   

At 5'2, I arguably should be 121lbs for my BMI of 22 goal, but at 131lbs I can't complain. I have some extraneous body fat I can still lose -- I'm at like 23.5%; however, we're talking getting down into 'high school athlete' territory not just 'fit adult' if I take off a heck of a lot more.  In fact, arguably, I'm fitter and leaner than I was as an actual a high-school, multi-sport, varsity athlete right now.

I guess it's a matter of taking stock and appreciating where I am, not obsessing about where I could potentially be.  I am getting over the flu, and I was still able to toss off a mile and half run this afternoon.  I can order size 4 jeans out of a catalog and worry that they'll be too big.  At the end of the day, I've accomplished pretty much everything I set out to do with surgery. 

Caroline, you are one of my "work out" heroes on this board.  I hope to be like you when I grow up!  LOL

I will get my measurements to you this evening when I have someone to help me.  Thank you for the offer.

Hope you're feeling better today.

Jennifer

Edit to add:  I hope I got your "real" name right!  If not I'm sorry!