Friends worried I'm melting -- choosing a goal weight rationally

Hi Everyone!

This is my first post on the maintenance board.  I'm still about five pounds above the normal BMI range, but already my DH and another friend (who's a doctor) think I've lost enough or very close to it.  They're worried I'm going to end up under-weight and unhealthy.  They say those BMI charts are unrealistic, not tailored to any one person's needs, and that if I was in the middle of the normal range (140, or 24 pounds below my current weight) it'd be too low for me and probably unhealthy. 

Right now I'm still a size 12, or maybe a 10 on a good day.  Most but not all mediums fit.  I would love to get to a solid 8 or even 6.

After decades of struggling to lose weight, I find the notion I'd ever be under-weight preposterous.  After reading the message boards for years, it seems very unusual for VSG patients to deal with problems of being under-weight, unless they're battling some other serious medical condition.  What do you think?  How common is it to lose more than desired? 

So far, I've just said I'll ask my surgeon what he thinks and let him be the arbiter of this.  Any other advice on dealing with well-meaning loved ones?  I've been heavy a long time, so a size 12 looks really thin to them.

Welcome the the maintenance group. you are in the right place and wise to get into this as you approach goal.

I suggest you listen to your surgeon - a highly skilled person who is an expert in weight and what is appropriate - and ignor others. Also listen to your inner voice as to what weght makes you comfortable.

I got to 137 and my surgeon told me I looked great and was done. But sometimes its not easy to stop losing even if you try as that sleeve still works. So I lost another 15. I have discussed this extensively with my surgeon and he thinks I am not too thin and totally fine and says listen to the expert (him). Makes sense to me. I may regain a few pounds over the years but I am glad I have this leeway if I do.

Quite a few people lose more than expected but I have never heard of anyone who did so to an unhealthy level. To stop my weight loss I increased calories by 100 per day until I got to where I leveled out and its not that much - maybe 1200 per day. I would eat a big blob of peanut butter to get calories in rather than carbs or sugar which I still avoid. Still do the peanut butter - its a big treat.

I too find the idea of being underweight ridiculous after being fat all my life. I like being this thin and don't care who else doesn't like it. I have bmi of about 21 and thats within normal limits. If you work out a lot and have a lot of muscle mass thats one thing but otherwise, do what you want. Others are just not used to seeing you so slim. Enjoy your new slim life!

Diane

Thanks, Diane!  You are an awesome inspiration to those who've followed your journey.  Thanks so much for sharing your experience!

I think part of the issue is that people have forgotten what 'normal' looks like.  2/3rd of americans over overweight or obese.  The average woman in the US is a size 14-16; so, yes, you're below 'average' but it doesn't mean you're approaching underweight or unhealthy.  The 'average'  has been skewed upwards out of the 'healthy' or 'normal' range.  "Normal" just seems 'skinny' compared to 'average' now.  

Like Diane said, listen to your surgeon.  Another good thing to consider is when talking about 'underweight' is body fat percentage.  Anything between 19-25% is considered perfectly healthy. Most female athletes are in the 15-19% range.  Dropping below 15% may cause ammenorreha and isn't particularly healthy.  

I have to say that I think (from what I've seen, anyway), that more people have trouble maintaining an ideal weight than going under.  Me included!  I wish that I had gone about 10-15 lbs under goal, to allow for MY inevitable bounce back.  They are not use to seeing you at a normal or slim weight, do what you and your surgeon are happy with and if it's to lose more, they will get use to that eventually!

All the best!

Holly,
I'm having the same issues...but on the other side of the BMI chart. I'm at 165, and my nurse and trainer have said to stop. I've had a couple of caliper tests done and they all said 165 as well. My top BMI is supposed to be 150 and I'm having a heck of a time being "done" at this weight.

It's a head game...I know...and in my head I should be in that good BMI range. I'm 5'5" and taking a size 10 pants and medium tops. I'll meet with my surgeon on January 10th and see what she says. More weight may creep off before then, if she says stop, I'll be good with that.

Heidi

Yeah, I've struggled with the same thing. I'm being told 173 to 180 for a goal range. My target weight 175 is BMI over 26 which says "overweight" to me, but based on my lean mass it would be right in the ideal body fat range.

Still, I'm struggling. I think I'd feel and look really good at 175 (I'm 5'8"). Heck I feel (and think I look) pretty decent at 191. But the IDEA of shooting for a goal above 25 BMI is hard for me. Almost like I'm settling. I've decided, though, that I'll stop trying quite so hard at 175 - not totally into maintenance, but up the calories and carbs a little bit. Then we'll see it the loss stops or continues. Who knows.

Weird how our minds get so focused on a number on a chart, no?

I hear the "you need to stop losing" in many different forms, but Id' rather lose too much than not enough. That said, I probably haven't lost any weight for the last 2 months, so I'm probably where I'll end up unless I really start exercising (which I really need to do to get some muscle tone under the saggy skin). That said, people still think I'm losing! I think it's due to being overweight for so long, that they have a hard time adjusting the same way we do. Go with what you're comfortable with. I prefer to be in the mid-range for bmi. btw, I'm only 5'3". I didn't go through surgery to just be slightly overweight!

What does your primary care doctor say? Mine recommended a lower weight than my surgeon.

I think people are so used to seeing you a certain way, that a normal weight seems too low. 

Final weight also depends upon frame size and how much muscle mass you have. Having your body fat tested might help you to determine how much fat versus muscle you have, which help you to settle on a goal weight.. Dexa scan and hydrostatic weighing are the most accurate methods for determining body fat and percentage of muscle. If your body fat is still high, then you can work on losing more weight and/or start some weight training, if you're not already doing it.

Tell you family and friends that you are working with your doctor to reach a healthy weight for you.

Gail

more thoughts on this - my pcp is one of the people who thinks I am too thin. Little does he know that i weigh at his office with my shoes on and coat. Adds about 5 pounds over what i really weight. Who'd a thunk I would want to add extra weight at the doctor when I used to close my eyes and tell them not to tell me.

Remember that charts are just some actuary's statistics and we are all individuals and many of us don't fit into the averages. And people's perceptions really can be skewed. people keep asking if i am still losing weight when i have been at the exact same weight for a year. they just are not used to the difference. So go with your "gut" feeling here (ha ha ).   Your own judgement and that of your surgeon;s are best.   Diane