Talking to hubby/wife about getting sleeved

I have been tossing around this idea in my head for the last week. My dear sweet hubby is about 100lbs over weight, I'm guessing a BMI around 40. He's active somewhat he never complains about walking and he loves to hike. His bloodpressure is normal as is everything else except I'm pretty sure he has sleep apena just from the snoring and how he stops breathing. 

He has seen me and my struggles with weight loss and also my triumphs with VSG. As far as I know he has only ever done one diet with me about 7 years ago and he lost 40lbs. He has gained all that back plus some. I hate to jump right from trying once to suggesting weight loss surgery however I know the stats on losing weight alone (without surgery). He's also a hungry guy so he would be white knuckling if he had to eat small portions without surgery. 

My delima is that I don't want to suggest wls to him and have him feel bad or think that it's about his physical appearance. I'm really worried about him having health issues in the years ahead. He has insurance and they would pay the majority of his surgery while mine was self pay in Mexico. I know he would feel so much better if he lost the weight. 

Would you approch this topic? If so how would you go about it? 

I would actually during a meal or what not just casually ask "honey have you ever considered WLS?"  and see where the conversation goes from there...if he shuts you down you've at least planted the seed.  Believe me he's thought about it since you researched it and have had it.  So you could bring it up or eventually as time goes on he will.

Someone jsut posted how her hubby had surgery maybe you can ask how that came about.

Ms Shell

This is not easy. My dh just had the sleeve last week. I had mine two years ago. He has more weight to lose than I did. Initially he was resistant to surgery thinking he could lose weight on his own. So I only brought it up a time or two suggesting that it would be good by the end of this year for insurance purposes. But really I had to stop any effort to convince him and just let my improved health and appearance and increased energy speak for itself. Eventually he came to his own decision.

I convinced my older brother to get sleeved by calling him (he lives far away) and telling him that I was only going to bring this up once but that I would be remiss if I didn't tell him about this procedure and how life changing it has been. I explained it and told him where he could get more info and a good surgeon in his area and he took it from there.

You might start by telling him you love him and want him around for a long long time and you are concerned about his health and though he might be fine now, there are weight related diseases that can and will show up and consider preventing them. I have told my husband many times that I love every ounce of him and just want him healthy. He is now very gung ho and is following doctor's instructions to the T.

Hope this helps.    Diane

Regardless of what happens with WLS, if he has sleep apnea, it's really important to get it diagnosed and get him on a CPAP machine. The risk of dying from a heart attack go up 5x if you have sleep apnea! In fact, this is the only reason I'm agreeing to have Mini-Mac's tonsils & adnoids out -- because that should cure her sleep apnea which is very hard on the body.

And if figure out how to get your husband to get it, please tell me how because I've gotten no where with mine!

 So tonight when I was putting dinner down I said, "Hun have you ever thought about weight loss surgery?" He said, "No." I said, "You don't have any problems now except sleep apena but you probably will soon." And.....nothing. I feel like he was offended but if I know him he will think about it for a few days and then bring it up. He's an awesome Father and Hubby and I'd hate to lose him to a heartattack or stroke early so hopefully he will think about it. 

That's AWESOME that you did it!!  While YOU having had surgery already planted the seed (I've had a few male friends tell me they considered/are considering surgery) and now you've broached it.  The ball is in HIS court.  No matter HOW much we want our loved ones to be healthy WITH it...it's up to THEM to want it for themselves.  I wasn't ready to have WLS until I had it.

MS Shell

It's going to depend on your relationship.  I do most of the thinking in mine.  My beloved has been battling significant diabetes for 10 years despite the fact he's not obese. He's 42, and while he looks like a normal, 'healthy' guy he is 'sick' all the time and pops sugars well into the 400's with what would be relatively mild diet transgressions for other diabetics.  He's tried (and failed) at a number of approaches to management, and notthing really gets his sugars where they need to be nor is he compliant enough to get his sugars where they need to be.  He's facing insulin, ridiculous heart attack risk, etc. 

The fact he's killing himself slowly from the inside out drives me to distraction -- and he knows it.  I basically told him, either a) you make dramatic lifestyle changes that you've demonstrated you're not willing to make,or c) or pursue a surgical approach  -- preferably the 'switch' portion of a DS.  There are trials going on right now for non-obese diabetics.   He was reluctant at first, but I had my research ducks in a row and he's really warmed to the idea.  Part of it has been my success with VSG. 

My dad died at 67 of a AAA (Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm).  My mother's only regret was that she didn't push him to take care of himself better. I refuse to be in the same position just to 'keep the peace.' I know it sucks not to beable to be a 'normal' guy, but the alternative is DEAD. 

WOW, I have TOTALLY been in your shoes. WHen I first decided to have WLS, I told hubby, "let's do this together" he really only has about 80-90lbs to lose and his BMI was 40 and he had high BP and was taking meds for the BP. But when I brought it up, he said "no, you do this because you will do well, and I support you 100% but not for me thanks." End of subject. So then about 3 months later he goes to the WLS seminar required by my surgeon and the stats speak volumes (same thing you were saying, the chances of losing AND keeping it off are less than 5% {maybe even 2%}.

We go to the seminar and it took him about 3 weeks but he finally said yes, he wanted to do it. I was SOOOOOOO happy!

He is down about -65 and is 8 months post-op. He couldn't be happier, he is off all BP meds and we both look AND feel 10 years younger easily.

I have to give him a TON of credit because I wanted the band and HE pushed me to research the VSG. Once I figured out that it was done as a stand-alone (not part of a DS) then I was 100% on board. I am so thankful everyday that he not only had the surgery but pushed for the VSG.

Keep talking, ultimately it is his decision, but as I tell people all the time..."I didn't feel SICK before {even though my BMI was 44} but now I feel amazing." Just keep being a good example for him and hopefully you have planted the seed for him. Please keep me posted...I will be thinking of you.