Help dealing with an ex... NOT off topic...

Well, I have a ridiculous dilemma. My husband's ex-wife has decided to have weight loss surgery and is getting (supposedly) a VSG. The woman is PSYCHOTIC and I am 100% positive that she will NOT follow the diet, not follow ANY doctor's orders and will continue to seriously abuse drugs and alcohol. She called me today to say that she went to the bariatric meeting last night to learn about the surgery and that her bmi is not high enough, so she's going to gorge on food over the holidays because she figures she only needs to gain 25 to 30 pounds to qualify. REALLY??? She's going to gain THAT MUCH weight so she can lose maybe 30 pounds? OMG... I am livid. On top of that she told me that she joined this forum (that was two weeks ago). I feel like I can't post here anymore without her stalking me. This is a woman who would do ANYTHING to get my husband back... even though they've been divorced for over 10 years. She is manipulative and scheming. She went so far as to loosen lug nuts on my tires when DH and I were dating. She is addicted to adderall and speed and recently stole her own son's Concerta and took over 90 pills in ONE WEEK. Can you tell I'm just fuming?? Her two kids approached me and asked if this was a dangerous surgery because they're afraid that she's not going to eat the right things and that she might die from the alcohol she will drink after surgery. They are 13 and 15 and I love them both so much!!
Anyway, I'm thinking of changing my pic on my profile and some of the information too so she can't find me... if she hasn't already. I'm so depressed. HELP! Suggestions??

change your pic and your name if you need to, as for her gaining weight to get surgery she wont be the first and wont be the last.

I think you have to ignore it, she is an adult and if she makes this decision and manages to pass to qualify and eats wrong foods she, may lose to begin with but she will prob end up gaining it back.

Id not worry about her trying to get your husband, im sure they did not divorce just because she gained weight..

I guess my point is if she is hell bent on getting the surgery there is nothing you can do to stop it, but you can try and find her account and block her so she cant read your posts...

hugs:)

So sorry you are going through this, I would change the info that pops up under your avatar and change your avatar and user name, so you can be "anonymous" and free to post what you want and give and receive support without her stalking your comments, also set your profile to private, so only ppl you invite can see your blog and so forth. Dont let her take away this valuable tool (OH Board) as you may need it more and more as you get farther out.

You go girl!

Thanks. I know I can't keep her from getting surgery and I'm not worried about that. Just worried about my step kids. They deserve NOT to have to worry about their crazy mama and they both worry constantly. We have them in counseling now. My DH will NEVER go back to her. She did some really low down dirty things in the divorce, so that's not a worry, either. Besides, he's too busy being jealous as hell of ME! LOL. Crazy. I'm going to change my info. Watch for the NEW new me!

 Change your name and profile picture and don't feed into this drama. Just ignore it. She will do what she's gonna do and she's a grown woman. Distance yourself as much as possible. 

Anyone know how to change my name? I changed my "real name", but how do I change jenijeni?

Change your real name to something you want displayed and then change it so OH shows your "real" name instead of your user name.


I think one thing that's good is you can tell her kids with all honesty that it's unlikely their mom will be able to kill herself with this surgery. Yes, she can not take her vitamins, and, yes, she can eat the wrong things and not lose a lot of weight, but the damages that can cause are pretty minimal. It would be very different if she was planning to get a RnY or DS.

It's also possible that she won't really be able to gain 25-30 pounds at least not in a short amount of time so maybe, being crazy, she'll eventually find something else to be crazy about and won't even follow through with this latest idea. (I have a lot of crazy people in my family and this is common with them -- they get some idea in their  head, no one can dissuade them at the time, but the next thing you know, they are on to some other dumb plan that  no one can talk them out of.)

Thanks for your help! I just stress over every little thing... and I have been so happy to have OH and my friends here as my own safe haven. It infuriates me that she finds ways to infiltrate every part of my life. There IS nowhere safe! LOL.

Good job on making the changes, looks great!

Well, the others have some great suggestions.

The only I can think to add is to choose "ignore" when you see a call coming from someone who has loosened the lug nuts on your tires. lol

Best,
Lindsey