Feeling like I just don't "fit"

Ok, sorry if this comes off sounding *****y or braggy, not my intention.. but I'm posting it anyway.

I "took a break" for a bit from the VSG board, I was falling into the mindset of wanting to open up on some posts with more harsh reality than the posters were prob looking for.. I AM a nice person at heart, really.. but I am above all.. very realistic.

I realized after surgery, that I had went into this far ahead of the game education wise, and being centered with myself and what may lie ahead of me. I think I may have posted 1-2 topics asking some question, and a handful of musings posts.. which I like.. I like to think, I like to get others thinking and talking about things.. this is far from a cut and run, lose all the weight, fit into the glass slipper & live happily ever after deal that so many seem to feel it is.. then gosh, oh my, one little setback for someone, and the world is ending Eeyore. Arrrgh! 

There's a great post on the main forum about skewed unrealistic expectations.. even though I'm not a vet, I answered.. as I really don't think I had any going into this. I stole it and posted it to the VSG board and I'd bet I've made some pre & post ops feel a little more than uncomfy.. since I see so many of these expectations reflected every day on the board by a good number of folks (not all, but it does seem like the majority..) This was not my intent. My intent was to get folks thinking more, and reacting less.. thinking more about the reality of this whole deal, what the realities are long term.. 

So, yes.. this is another musings post.. as I think the one I stuck up on the VSG board is going to go over like a lead balloon, when it was just intended to get people looking at the situation outside the fantasy in their heads.. 

You probably didn't make anyone uncomfortable. In order to do so, the individuals you're talking about would need to be self-aware enough to recognize themselves in the posts. 

Managing expectations is a funny thing.  I have a 'dotted' line boss in the form of a regional finance director.  His general philosophy is to sand-bag forecasts so that you always under-promise and over-deliver.  The problem with that approach is that you end up not pushing as far or as hard as you can. If you're in a competitive environment, it can cause you to actually lose business and subsquently 'miss' your forecast, etc.  At the same time, if you set you expectations that are too far out on the bubble, it's demoralizing to miss and to fail and there can be consequences in the form of lost credibility with corporate management, investors etc.  

The middle ground is to forcast a stretch goal with clear action items and a path to get to the goal.  That's the approach I tend to take in all aspects of my life, not just in business planning.  I set out when I had surgery to accomplish certain goals. I set an aggressive ultimate weight and fitness goal, and I (along with my surgeon's program) defined the steps to get to that goal from the outset.  Is it a stretch? Absolutely, but it's doable if I follow the plan.   

Will it make the value of my house go up? no. Will it make my husband say excuse me when he farts instead of laughing like a 12 year old? Unfortunately, no.  I, however,  will be thinner, healthier, and ultimately happier because I genuinely feel 'well' physically instead of perpetually tired and sick.  

I think the post made very valid points, as post ops i think we often dont think the weight falls off fast enough.  sometimes not even fast enough for our programs.

I have seen  alot of posts since being on the boards, stating their weight loss was dissapointing to their nut or their surgeon.

I think id not be so worried how it goes over its food for thought as people go through the process..
we all have expectations of our selves as we go through our journey some we live up to some we do not...


Part of the process is supposed to be going for the pysc eval and have them evaluate if they think our expectations are too big, but we know how well they can go, just as there is no set quidlines for VSG there doesnt seem to be a set standard of how they give the psyc evals either...
And lets face it often when people want wls they are desperate and will say what they think the person wants to hear.

so putting it out there in black in white in a post may let those people sit back and ponder ..

I really like your post. It made me think, it made me reflect on what worked and what didn't work for me and I found myself really engaged and wanting to learn from and share my experience.  I am sorry, but I am getting to the point where I am a little less gentle about my posts and in truth I find that I respond to posts less often.  I am getting a bit selfish and only commenting on posts where I feel I need the reminder myself.  This was one of those posts.  Thank you for re-posting it,

 You fit here nicely!  Stick around a while!

I don't really "fit" either.  I ditto your post.  I am a die-hard pragmatist and like you, went into this very well self educated and (I think) reasonably expectant.  I appreciate your posts and any others that make us be more self aware.  Keep it up!!

Thanks everyone, I appreciate it!

I mostly don't mind when people show up as pre-op and are pretty ignorant. I figured educating them is what OH is for. But sometimes someone says something and my mind boggles.

For example, on a few other boards on OH and another board somewhere else in the past month I have seen a lot of posts from people with a bypass where someone else with a bypass asks about d dumping and they say "I dump!" and then they describe ..... getting the foamies.

Okay, how can you *have* a bypass and be active on a WLS support board and not know what dumping is and what the foamies are when we talk about these things constantly?!

It reminds me of when I first came to the VSG board and a handful of posters insisted that they dumped even though they had VSG. Except it turned out they all had gallbladder problems and when they got their gallbladders taken out, their "dumping" symptoms went away.

Sometimes I want to post the following several times a day:

-you are NOT in a stall
-you are NOT a "slow loser"
-you are NOT dumping
-your labs are NOT 'fine', 'perfect', etc.

But I figure it will just **** people off so what's the point.

I understand. My mind got boggled recently, pretty hard. Recap of recent drama below.

The only time I really hop on someone is when they are pulling dangerous BS. One rare poster was describing breathing issues, and his doc insisted it was from the low cal diet.. I pushed him to get a second opinion, twice. He did, found he had nodules on his lung Xray, he's not posted again.. Hoping for the best on that one.

I've only had one person I needed to block as I think she's psycho, and killing herself.. took herself off thyroid meds, never took vites, never took protein, never did labs (too much $$), never tracked macros, but  bragged about hitting 100lbs lost (twice, a month apart?) then posted how she had numbness from the chest down.. (that's when the vites/meds admission came out.) She was asking what could cause this.. I suggested a severe deficiency! Then later she posted later that she had been hospitalized for just that.. Ugh, ok.

Prior to this, everyone had tried helping over the months.. with her life drama, and her diet.. in the early stage, when she asked how to figure protein, we all advised her (she just asked again..) and slowly but surely the responders stopped responding as much (except the new ones that hadn't been there for the song and dance before..) I finally bluntly spelled it out for her, after her most recent post saying some days she just never eats, and the last two days eating consisted of mashed potatoes one day, and two mini candy bars the next *but that she shouldn't complain as she's still losing great* I lost it, and asked others to please read through her past history before judging how harsh I was, as I *was* harsh. Not mean, not vulgar, but gave her the harsh wake up call in spades. Reality still didn't register, so I blocked her rather than continue to stress.. Never seen that before, hope to never see it again.

You'll probably see it again, unfortunately...