VSG Maintenance Group
A friend or not one???
Just step back. We do not have to end friendships over petty issues. Take a step back from the friendship and give it a rest for now. You can always be "busy" for her for a while, and let the heat of this run down a bit.
I have a dear friend whose husband had not seen me in months. He literally bear hugged me, and exclaimed "hey skinny !" -- my friend is heavy. Her face fell. I make sure now to not discuss my size, weight loss or what I do or don't eat with her for now. There are some things that friendship can stand, other things that it cannot.
You have to figure out where you are in that friendship and decide how you want to move forward.
My weight loss is mine. I don't post pictures, I don't post before and afters anywhere. (although I am going to finally break down one day and do it here !!!!)
Why don't I ? because it's not necessary for me to do so. My ego is ok without it. But some of my friends and family will not be able to do well with it...I know this about them, so I choose to be careful with where and when and with whom I share my weight loss victories.
I have a dear friend whose husband had not seen me in months. He literally bear hugged me, and exclaimed "hey skinny !" -- my friend is heavy. Her face fell. I make sure now to not discuss my size, weight loss or what I do or don't eat with her for now. There are some things that friendship can stand, other things that it cannot.
You have to figure out where you are in that friendship and decide how you want to move forward.
My weight loss is mine. I don't post pictures, I don't post before and afters anywhere. (although I am going to finally break down one day and do it here !!!!)
Why don't I ? because it's not necessary for me to do so. My ego is ok without it. But some of my friends and family will not be able to do well with it...I know this about them, so I choose to be careful with where and when and with whom I share my weight loss victories.
Briar Rose 
High Wt 300 lbs. Pre-op Wt loss 34 lbs.
High Wt 300 lbs. Pre-op Wt loss 34 lbs. 
I feel ya sister. She may well be projecting her own issues on you.
I am having a bad day, actually a bad week in terms of being inside my own head. I think there may be some PMS involved given I was screaming hysterically at my husband this morning when He suggested I might be a wee bit vain in my quest for one of my dogs to be #1 in the breed this year (He's #2 right now). The "V" word set me off. Additionally, I went to put on clothes that I bought last night, and they were so tight I couldn't believe it was the same clothing. The scale is up, I've not lost in 2 weeks, really, and I have done ALL the right things including hard core exercising.. My head went into OMG mode.
Do I need a shrink? No. My quick self-diagnosis: I'm bloated, hormonal, I had Pho yesterday (sans noodles but not sans sodium), and I'm getting close to goal. I know, intellectually, that I"m not gaining weight on 750 calories particularly after I did an hour on the eliptical earlier today.
If we want to keep the weight off for life, I have no doubt we have to behave like slender 'normies' My mother has a 22 BMI at age 77, and guess what? She watches what she eats and exercises. She walks 9 holes of golf 5 days a week, swims, and does Pilates. She also is in very good health other than moderate COPD from having smoked for 40 years before quitting 10 years ago while her siblings who have not made similar choices have had bypass, strokes and cancer. She's lost one of her sisters, already. She actually pretty much eats like we do -- protein first, veggies, and a little bit of whole grains.
Your friend may or may not be jealous of you, but it appears to me that she's in a certain amount of denial about what it takes long-term to be successful.
I am having a bad day, actually a bad week in terms of being inside my own head. I think there may be some PMS involved given I was screaming hysterically at my husband this morning when He suggested I might be a wee bit vain in my quest for one of my dogs to be #1 in the breed this year (He's #2 right now). The "V" word set me off. Additionally, I went to put on clothes that I bought last night, and they were so tight I couldn't believe it was the same clothing. The scale is up, I've not lost in 2 weeks, really, and I have done ALL the right things including hard core exercising.. My head went into OMG mode.
Do I need a shrink? No. My quick self-diagnosis: I'm bloated, hormonal, I had Pho yesterday (sans noodles but not sans sodium), and I'm getting close to goal. I know, intellectually, that I"m not gaining weight on 750 calories particularly after I did an hour on the eliptical earlier today.
If we want to keep the weight off for life, I have no doubt we have to behave like slender 'normies' My mother has a 22 BMI at age 77, and guess what? She watches what she eats and exercises. She walks 9 holes of golf 5 days a week, swims, and does Pilates. She also is in very good health other than moderate COPD from having smoked for 40 years before quitting 10 years ago while her siblings who have not made similar choices have had bypass, strokes and cancer. She's lost one of her sisters, already. She actually pretty much eats like we do -- protein first, veggies, and a little bit of whole grains.
Your friend may or may not be jealous of you, but it appears to me that she's in a certain amount of denial about what it takes long-term to be successful.
Carolyn (32 lbs lost Pre-op) HW: 291, SW: 259, GW: 129.5, CW: 126.4
Age: 45, Height: 5'2 1/4" , Stretch Goal: 122 
I think she sure is in denial about how to keep the weight off. She did call me tonight lol but I did not answer the phone she brought me down enough this weekend and did not need to here more. She did leave me a message telling me that she is happy for me that I have lost so much and she wants to loose more she is not finished loosing.
I though wow than it came again she than told me she still thinks I need to see someone and that posting pictures of me on face book is enough no need to post any more of me there she said than went on about how happy she is and I need to be like her. Well I do not want to be like her and do not need her in my life. I am finished my other friends love me just how I am and wish me nothing but luck in my weight loss and to stay on track. They even told me when I get my tummy tuck to post pictures of it on face book just to **** that other person off so i just might do that. Thanks all for all the help. I am feeling better about how I feel and what I am doing to keep this weight off.
I though wow than it came again she than told me she still thinks I need to see someone and that posting pictures of me on face book is enough no need to post any more of me there she said than went on about how happy she is and I need to be like her. Well I do not want to be like her and do not need her in my life. I am finished my other friends love me just how I am and wish me nothing but luck in my weight loss and to stay on track. They even told me when I get my tummy tuck to post pictures of it on face book just to **** that other person off so i just might do that. Thanks all for all the help. I am feeling better about how I feel and what I am doing to keep this weight off.
My surgeon gave me the tool. Now it is up to me to use it right.
Sounds like this friendship was based on wls and the effects and when your paths began to separate because of your differences, there is less in common. Ask yourself if you would be friends with this person if you never talked about wls and diet things. Maybe not. I don't think you need a shrink - I think you are motivated to do the best you can with your wls and that is not obsession. I think your friend is the one with the problem and is feeling like she hasn't done well enough and therefore finding fault with you to justify her own less impressive success. You might suggest to her that you agree to disagree on this and to move on to other subjects and then you will find out if there is anything left of a friendship. No great loss if there is not. Diane
Join US On The VSG Maintenance Group Forum!!
http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/VSGM/discussion/
