black and white thinking anybody?

Oops, I posted my reply on Jo777's page and also realized this is for people primarily in the maintenance phase....sorry, obviously I'm pretty new at this.

Please don't feel like you walked into a conversation being help only for maintainers.  You are most welcome here and your opinion and thoughts are most welcome and appreciated.  I hope you will stay, participate and feel part of the group no matter what stage of this process you are at.  You will notice that most of the topics have to do with maintenance and long term success.   None of us have the monopoly on this, we gladly welcome your perspective.  If this forum was available when I was a newbie, I would have joined it and participated so I hope you will stay.

I was listening to the radio in the car a couple of days ago and although I don't bother with Dr. Oz...he happened to be on, having a discussion about why people over eat. I thought it was interesting that he stated, that when people are chronically stressed....the hormones in our bodies trigger a super strong urge to eat, eat, eat. He equated chronic stress to that of living through the stress of a famine. Hormones are released in the body, in times of famine, that give our bodies signals to eat as much as possible, anything that's available to us, EVEN THINGS THAT WE DON'T LIKE, for survival. I always wondered why I ate everything and anything, which in turn made the internal turmoil of being out of control worse and I'd eat anything in site. I know I am chronically stressed. Acute stress is different, people that don't eat when they go through a sudden major event in their lives, don't usually live with chronic stress. I know this doesn't hold true for everyone, but it does make some sense to me...just some food for thought.  BTW I too am the type of person that has dieted in the past, with the all or nothing/black or white approach. Going to pre-op meetings and having to go through the 6 month waiting period has been invaluable to me...what a great learning experience. I have my last visit with my surgeon on Thursday and they will then submit my paperwork for my VSG. I have read and read on this site, from the people on here that make sense and have sound advice for those of us that are serious about changing our lives.  I'm truly grateful for your input guys. I am going into this with my eyes wide open. Thanks for all of your support.

It is true, we overeat when we are stressed or sleep deprived.  There are many studies showing this fact.  I wish you continued success in your learning process about this surgery.  It really is life saving and life altering. Please choose a great surgeon and follow a proven aftercare program and this surgery will amaze you.

Great Post Elina,

Very thought provoking...

I was a VERY black and while person.  It was all or nothing for me.  It always has been, and as a poster mentioned above, it is not just in my weight loss efforts, it is in my everyday life also.

In the past I threw my heart and soul into things, I was extreamly successful, often more successful than others, and then I would burn out, and slip up, and quit.

I went to College for 3 years, 2 courses and I would  have graduated.  Never completed.

I went to University for 2 years, without a break and while working part time.  I went right through the year, and always took extra courses so I could do the 3 year degree in 2.  I think I had one course left and then teachers college.  Never completed that either.

In my past relationships I threw myself in fully, but then when I was let down, I would bolt...  both with friendships and relationships.  In the past it hurt when I was left, and so I started doing the leaving...

Until this relaitonship...  Barry is very very kind, very patient and in spite of my quirks, he is very much in love with me.  He sees the best and the worst of me, he gets both, and I have threatned on many occassions to leave, but Barry just continues to love me deeply and steadily.  As a result I finally got to the point where I realized no matter what I did or said he was sticking around and wanted to be with me.  That was a HUGE turning point for me.  I grew up, I matured and became much more stable in other areas of my life.  This one wasn't going to hurt me, cheat on me or leave me.  I had found what I so needed and was looking for.

I have lost weight so many times, only to burn out and slip up and gain it back.  I think my Sleeve is like my sweet hubbie...  I really do.  Even when I test its limits, it stands by me.  Even when I turn my back on it, it still sticks with me and helps me learn, mature, and gives me so many second, third and forth chances.

I was headed down the same path, lose the weight, slip up, start gaining... but my Sleeve has patiently waited for me to realize it is here for me.  I realize this now.  I am not on a diet!!  I am not binging!!  I rarely eat junk food.  I am treating my body and health better than I ever have. 

As I mature, life is becoming much less Black and White.  I am enjoying the shades of grey.  It does not have to be all or nothing.  Success or Failure.  Skinny or Fat.  In control or out of control.  I can float in this wonderful, comfortable place somewhere in between.  I don't need to be the best at anything.  Do you know what a releif that is?  I won't get into how I think I got like that.  But I will say it is the most freeing feeling.

Because I am still not 100%, I am tired.  So I will stop here.  For anyone still reading :)  thanks for listening!

Big hugs,

Cindy

I love this post, Cindy! You sound like you are in a good place, and I am very glad for you!!!
xoxo
Lizanne

Thank you Sweetheart!

I have been wanting to put some thoughts down, but have not been 'able' to bring myself to doing a new post.  So I find I put my thoughts within others posts.  It is working well for me.

I also am so glad that I don't 'have' to do the daily posts I used to do.  I can choose to 'be here' as much as I 'want' to be.  Very cool.

Thanks for 'getting it' I really appreciate it.

Big hugs to you my friend,

Cindy

  I totally understand the feeling of not having to be all or nothing, and feeling ok where your at, not being on a diet just floating along..

I spent the time while moving on alot of toll roads we pulled over and took naps but basically drove straight through and  did it all over again (did two trips), so it was 3000 miles  no scales and having to make the best choices  out of what ever was open, often only fast food places...  so i was pleasantly suprised to find when i finally unpacked my scale that i had actually lost weight and not gained..

so i also understand having  the sleeve have your back and it being their for us...

I am so proud of you cindy you seem to be making strides in your progress and even though you maynot be 100 % yet you certainly have grown so much in a short time...

Hugs):

Linda

Hi Linda :)

The floating along part amazes me.  I have never stayed at a weight long enough to feel this.  I am either losing or gaining, I have never ever maintained for even this long.  I love it.  (just to clarify, I lost 72 lbs on Atkins once and kept most of it off for 2 years, but I was constantly battling to keep the weight from going up, and it just crept up more and more with time...) 

Now, I know I am going to be up or down a 'part' pound, I am really getting to know my body.  Every once in awhile it surprises me, but I am either dyhydrated or constipated or had too much salt.  And in the other direction, it seems to be realted to my cycle....  I love this!

While I have been sick I have been very reclusive.  AND the most amazing thing happened, for the first time since I was a child, I don't think constantly think about junk food and how and when I will get my next fix.  I used to walk 3-4 miles a day, and I admit I had a diet coke and a bag of M&M's each day.  I got away with it because of the walking...  when I stopped walking, my weight started creeping up.

I told hubby I have to make some changes, and we agreed no more junk food in the house, I always picked up a bunch when I went shopping and we stopped that recently as well.  All of the sudden, no more walks, no more junk food.  Then I would go shopping and not bring home junk food.  Now on rare occassions one of us will bring home a snack and we savour every bite of it, and it does not set us off.

I also stopped having planned snacks, I only have a healthy snack when I 'feel' hungry, which is rare.  Sometimes at my time of the month, I 'need' a snack more often...  you women can surely relate...  :) 

Lately I have also been easing up just slightly on my lunch portion.  I really want to slip into the 140's and maintain under 150 for life...  However, I look and feel great here, and it is so easy, so if I don't lose another pound, so be it.

Sorry to babble my friend...

I am so glad you did not gain while away.  I did the same thing when I went to Canada, it was incredible.  I ate all kinds of things, but was very concious about when and how much.  I had a great time and was going to deal with the gain when I returned...  amazing.

I am definatley getting better my sweet friend, I have more good days than bad.  As long as we are here and alone, and no one comes or I don't have to go anywhere, I am almost back to normal.  But I still don't like to see people...  I know sooooooo strange...  But even that is getting slightly better and I just want to take it slow...

ANYWAY....  :)  I've missed you.

Big hugs and puppy kisses,

Cindy

I love how you compare this surgery to a good man.  I did something similar once with a post about how this surgery is like a good marriage.  I think you are right, the sleeve is very forgiving of our slips.

I would love to hear about the thought process that has finally allowed you to get to this great place you are at now.  I am so happy to hear that you finding your way to your peace with food and with perfectionism.  It is quite a journey you are on.  Thank you Cindy for sharing your beautiful self with us.