VSG Maintenance Group
Some thoughts on a "mature" sleeve
Ok, many of you are farther out than me as I am a little shy of two years. But I am a barriatric busy body and really have a continuing interest in all aspects of wls and how and why people have different experiences with it.
Last night I attended a great party with a group that my husband belongs to so while I sort of know some of these people, I don't spend much time with them. It was a pot luck dinner filled with the usual lasagne and other high carb high sugar dishes plus huge desserts. Fortunately someone had brought a freshly roasted turkey and there was baked salmon and fresh veggies so hubby and I were able to eat properly. My husband just finished his last test for vsg.
Someone at our table asked why I wasn't eating much and I said because I was a barriatric patient and could only eat small amounts. This person (a very lively and fun lady who I really enjoyed) replied that she understood, that she had a lap band. Now this lady was a good 100 lbs overweight and proceeded to eat two huge plates of high carb food plus dessert. We discussed barriatric stuff generally and she volunteered that she had not had a band adjustment in a long time as she had to travel and it was expensive and so forth.
There was another woman at the table who I know once had a band but had it removed. She is seriously diabetic and is preparing for vsg next year. Yet this woman ate several huge plates of carby food and three huge desserts while admitting that it was getting her in diabetic trouble and she wasn't feeling well. I felt so helpless listening to this and seeing these people hurting themselves as well as other obese people doing the same thing. I was reluctant to lecture people but when the topic turned to food funerals and such I volunteered that it helped me let go of food by reminding myself of all the many great pig outs I had had and all the desserts and fancy meals and it helped me realize I could move on from all that.
While I did look wistfully at that chocolate cake and cheese cake, my own skinny baggy jeans and feeling full after 3 oz turkey plus the obvious health problems of these other people were a reminder that I really wasn't passing up anything very good by passing up that cake. It also reminded me how important it is to take healthy options to pot lucks which are very common social events in our area and that not just me and hubby are the beneficiaries of healthy things.
I really wonder why people get bands or other procedures and then don't bother to take the steps necessary to get the weight off. My experience is that while it took effort, it was not horribly difficult and much easier than prior weight loss efforts. In the case of the diabetic woman, I think there are some serious psychological issues and my heart really went out to her but I was not sure what I could do to stop her self destructiveness. I do have reason to think she is in counseling.
So I will think of last night's event when I am tempted to eat off program or feeling sorry for myself because I have to decline anyting more than a tiny slice of a dessert. Its a small price to pay for my renewed health and energy. I had a great time at this event with lots of fun people I didn't know well who were all having a grand time with kareoke and such and it really was about the people and fun and not the food. A lesson we can't learn too many times.
So thats my wisdom du jour. Anybody else have lessons to share from experiences like this?
Diane
Last night I attended a great party with a group that my husband belongs to so while I sort of know some of these people, I don't spend much time with them. It was a pot luck dinner filled with the usual lasagne and other high carb high sugar dishes plus huge desserts. Fortunately someone had brought a freshly roasted turkey and there was baked salmon and fresh veggies so hubby and I were able to eat properly. My husband just finished his last test for vsg.
Someone at our table asked why I wasn't eating much and I said because I was a barriatric patient and could only eat small amounts. This person (a very lively and fun lady who I really enjoyed) replied that she understood, that she had a lap band. Now this lady was a good 100 lbs overweight and proceeded to eat two huge plates of high carb food plus dessert. We discussed barriatric stuff generally and she volunteered that she had not had a band adjustment in a long time as she had to travel and it was expensive and so forth.
There was another woman at the table who I know once had a band but had it removed. She is seriously diabetic and is preparing for vsg next year. Yet this woman ate several huge plates of carby food and three huge desserts while admitting that it was getting her in diabetic trouble and she wasn't feeling well. I felt so helpless listening to this and seeing these people hurting themselves as well as other obese people doing the same thing. I was reluctant to lecture people but when the topic turned to food funerals and such I volunteered that it helped me let go of food by reminding myself of all the many great pig outs I had had and all the desserts and fancy meals and it helped me realize I could move on from all that.
While I did look wistfully at that chocolate cake and cheese cake, my own skinny baggy jeans and feeling full after 3 oz turkey plus the obvious health problems of these other people were a reminder that I really wasn't passing up anything very good by passing up that cake. It also reminded me how important it is to take healthy options to pot lucks which are very common social events in our area and that not just me and hubby are the beneficiaries of healthy things.
I really wonder why people get bands or other procedures and then don't bother to take the steps necessary to get the weight off. My experience is that while it took effort, it was not horribly difficult and much easier than prior weight loss efforts. In the case of the diabetic woman, I think there are some serious psychological issues and my heart really went out to her but I was not sure what I could do to stop her self destructiveness. I do have reason to think she is in counseling.
So I will think of last night's event when I am tempted to eat off program or feeling sorry for myself because I have to decline anyting more than a tiny slice of a dessert. Its a small price to pay for my renewed health and energy. I had a great time at this event with lots of fun people I didn't know well who were all having a grand time with kareoke and such and it really was about the people and fun and not the food. A lesson we can't learn too many times.
So thats my wisdom du jour. Anybody else have lessons to share from experiences like this?
Diane
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(deactivated member)
on 9/25/11 4:51 am
on 9/25/11 4:51 am
That was a really good read Diane! I enjoyed it so much. I loved your perspective. Of course, you know me, my perspective at events such as this is totally different. I would not be able to participate at all. I would have to eat before going and be there for the socialization only.
However, just this morning I was watching people pigging out on all types of pastries, donuts, and bagels at church. Every Sunday morning they put a big spread of the stuff out on several large tables. It's quite the trough. All the people gather around and pile their plates up high with the sugary, wheaty, fatty bounty. One large man had a donut sticking out of his mouth while he continued to pile his plate to max capacity. I watched everyone with curious detachment. And I was thinking to myself "I am so detached from this". One part of my brain was thinking about how unhealthy it was, the other part was thinking about how that food would put me in the hosp. But I felt no emotions, just detachment. I suppose because I've been through several food mournings now, and it took so much out of me that I am emotionless about it now.
Yes, that is it. I am curiously detached, and emotionless when I see people pigging out........HHHHMMM interesting......
However, just this morning I was watching people pigging out on all types of pastries, donuts, and bagels at church. Every Sunday morning they put a big spread of the stuff out on several large tables. It's quite the trough. All the people gather around and pile their plates up high with the sugary, wheaty, fatty bounty. One large man had a donut sticking out of his mouth while he continued to pile his plate to max capacity. I watched everyone with curious detachment. And I was thinking to myself "I am so detached from this". One part of my brain was thinking about how unhealthy it was, the other part was thinking about how that food would put me in the hosp. But I felt no emotions, just detachment. I suppose because I've been through several food mournings now, and it took so much out of me that I am emotionless about it now.
Yes, that is it. I am curiously detached, and emotionless when I see people pigging out........HHHHMMM interesting......
yep T, you are right about the detachment. I felt that too. Not horribly envious. More of a curiosity. I think detachment is a good way to feel about this rather than longing to dive in. And yes, I too had eaten some almonds before going. My husband had told me this was not going to be a dinner (he got that wrong) as so many events here are and at 5 pm, well what do you think? I always try to bring stuff I can eat to a pot luck and there is usually way too much food so it doesn't matter if what I bring is modest and without mass appeal.
I guess its a good exercise for all of us to not hide out and to learn to experience such occasions without pigging out. no one gave me a hard time for not eating and all understood when i mentioned I was a bariatric patient. no sweat. and it was fun to be able to do dance routines to old motown songs on the kareoke and not be exhausted. thats what all the fun people were doing instead of eating. Diane
I guess its a good exercise for all of us to not hide out and to learn to experience such occasions without pigging out. no one gave me a hard time for not eating and all understood when i mentioned I was a bariatric patient. no sweat. and it was fun to be able to do dance routines to old motown songs on the kareoke and not be exhausted. thats what all the fun people were doing instead of eating. Diane
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(deactivated member)
on 9/25/11 6:25 am, edited 9/25/11 6:26 am
on 9/25/11 6:25 am, edited 9/25/11 6:26 am
Wow Diane, I guess we're not so different. You went through food mourning as well, so it makes sense that you had curious detachment too. Like you, I wasn't envious either...just curious.
Isn't it true about the huge amount of food that people bring to these events? It's usually quite the feast, and more than even the willing eating participants can handle...LOL.
Yes, it is good to go to these events, and experience them. It's healthy to socialize and to know it's not "all about the food"
I was wondering if you would think I needed therapy for what I wrote, I wasn't sure if emotionless curious detachment was healthy. But, I guess it is. Thank you for making me feel better about it.
You are right, the fun, energetic, social people are there to dance, socialize and have fun. It's nice to be on that team isn't it? Instead of pigging out and gaining weight at these affairs, you danced, built muscle, sweated and burned calories!!! Now that is a reason to smile!
Isn't it true about the huge amount of food that people bring to these events? It's usually quite the feast, and more than even the willing eating participants can handle...LOL.
Yes, it is good to go to these events, and experience them. It's healthy to socialize and to know it's not "all about the food"
I was wondering if you would think I needed therapy for what I wrote, I wasn't sure if emotionless curious detachment was healthy. But, I guess it is. Thank you for making me feel better about it.
You are right, the fun, energetic, social people are there to dance, socialize and have fun. It's nice to be on that team isn't it? Instead of pigging out and gaining weight at these affairs, you danced, built muscle, sweated and burned calories!!! Now that is a reason to smile!
In a nutshell, most people aren't ready to change. They view missing desserts and other high carby foods, as deprivation. I look at it, as making a choice not to eat the high calorie and sugary food that made me morbidly obese in the first place. I choose to make healthier choices and to be healthy. I feel so much better. I certainly fight my own demons, but it is nothing like before surgery.
The difference between you and the other ladies, is the state of readiness. You were ready and willing to make changes. They are not at that point. I see that at my support group meetings. You can tell, when someone is willing to make the necessary lifestyle changes, and those that are not. It takes insight into the problem and recognition that they can be healthier with changes in lifestyle. Change is HARD and most people aren't willing to do the necessary work to get there.
Gail
The difference between you and the other ladies, is the state of readiness. You were ready and willing to make changes. They are not at that point. I see that at my support group meetings. You can tell, when someone is willing to make the necessary lifestyle changes, and those that are not. It takes insight into the problem and recognition that they can be healthier with changes in lifestyle. Change is HARD and most people aren't willing to do the necessary work to get there.
Gail
" 
I would have felt the same way Diane. I just don't understand why someone with a band would deliberately not get adjustments, unless they just want to be able to continue to eat wrong.
On the other hand, when I go to pot lucks, I DO indulge in "treats". I take a bite of several different things that I never eat otherwise, generally skipping the desserts, because there's no room. I still find that even though I take a bite of several things, my eyes are still bigger than my stomach and I leave plenty on the plate. I don't think that I'm self sabotaging myself, because I do it for that one meal then go back to protein first, etc. for the next meal and so forth. For me, being able to do this, helps me not feel deprived. I don't feel like I'm cheating, which is a term I don't like anyway.
In my world NO food is forbidden (except bread cuz it hurts when I eat it). I just follow the protein first rule and have no problem. I'm still watchful of what I am going to eat 90% of the time, but for those special occasions and occasional pot lucks blow outs, I eat what I want. Sleevie Wonder keeps me from overeating, so it's all good.
No more glutony for me either!
Funny thing is, if that was me BEFORE surgery, I would NEVER pile my plate OR go back for seconds. All the normal sized people would eat way more than I would. I was too embarrased to do so because I always felt like everyone was watching how much this severely morbidly obese woman would eat. And I sure wouldn't admit out loud that I have had lap band or any other kind of WLS while shoving piles of food into my pie hole. It just goes to show you how little that woman cares about herself and how food is more important to her. But *sigh* I remember all too well how important food was to me in the old days too.
We are certainly complex creatures, for sure!
On the other hand, when I go to pot lucks, I DO indulge in "treats". I take a bite of several different things that I never eat otherwise, generally skipping the desserts, because there's no room. I still find that even though I take a bite of several things, my eyes are still bigger than my stomach and I leave plenty on the plate. I don't think that I'm self sabotaging myself, because I do it for that one meal then go back to protein first, etc. for the next meal and so forth. For me, being able to do this, helps me not feel deprived. I don't feel like I'm cheating, which is a term I don't like anyway.
In my world NO food is forbidden (except bread cuz it hurts when I eat it). I just follow the protein first rule and have no problem. I'm still watchful of what I am going to eat 90% of the time, but for those special occasions and occasional pot lucks blow outs, I eat what I want. Sleevie Wonder keeps me from overeating, so it's all good.
No more glutony for me either!
Funny thing is, if that was me BEFORE surgery, I would NEVER pile my plate OR go back for seconds. All the normal sized people would eat way more than I would. I was too embarrased to do so because I always felt like everyone was watching how much this severely morbidly obese woman would eat. And I sure wouldn't admit out loud that I have had lap band or any other kind of WLS while shoving piles of food into my pie hole. It just goes to show you how little that woman cares about herself and how food is more important to her. But *sigh* I remember all too well how important food was to me in the old days too.
We are certainly complex creatures, for sure!
Wanda
Some people might not support my WLS decision.
Those people remind me of slinkys. Not good for much but it would would bring a smile to my face if someone pushed them down the stairs.
Ticker includes Pre-op weight loss 24 lb.
Some people might not support my WLS decision.
Those people remind me of slinkys. Not good for much but it would would bring a smile to my face if someone pushed them down the stairs.
Ticker includes Pre-op weight loss 24 lb.
Hey, Trish... we could start a new OH forum called "Sleevie Wonder and the Pie Holes"...
Wanda
Some people might not support my WLS decision.
Those people remind me of slinkys. Not good for much but it would would bring a smile to my face if someone pushed them down the stairs.
Ticker includes Pre-op weight loss 24 lb.
Some people might not support my WLS decision.
Those people remind me of slinkys. Not good for much but it would would bring a smile to my face if someone pushed them down the stairs.
Ticker includes Pre-op weight loss 24 lb.
Well it was interesting - the lap band lady seemed very at ease with herself and comfortable and happy and made no effort to hide how much she ate and enjoyed it and she was the one who brought up her lapband. Perhaps she was once heavier and was happy to have lost some. Perhaps she had given up. I don't know but she seemed like a happy person comfortable with herself so good for her - except for her health. The other woman who had diabetes and had had a band removed and was preparing for vsg was more disturbing. Appeared to have some self destructive impulses and talked about diabetic problems while she ate carb after dessert after carb. A fairly young woman who is headed for real issues. I think one can be overweight and be happy and make peace with it but its very hard and you can never make peace with the health problems it causes you at some point. As a younger fat person I had sort of given up and made peace or so I thought but the health problems and overall life restrictions brought me to my senses. Hope this happens to these two ladies before its to late. They don't have to be BMI 21 to be healthy but some change is in order; especially for the diabetic woman. I hope she will be inspired by my husband's upcoming vsg as they are in this choir together and his weight loss will be obvious once he gets his surgery with should be within the next two months. Diane
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